Tuki turns 17 months

This is her attire she wore to church. Thanks to Aunt D for the outfit and head band. It is an 18 month and she just fits it, actually it was a little too short.

She is always on the go, so it is hard to get good pixs of her.


Saw four turkeys outside our kitchen window this morning.

Tuki is 17 months old today!! Hard to believe that nearly one year has gone by since she has been home. It goes by way too quickly. I have to thank J C, from Canada who is also adopting a little boy from Haiti. She suggested using the hair bands and Tuki loves them, and her hair looks much better when pulled back in a band.

Now the response about Katiana from my family and friends, well lets just say it was what I had feared. The only one who was positive form the moment she heard the news was my sister. She said "I'm not surprised, you have been talking three all along, plus it is YOU". Others have either responded with "boy it will be hard", "do you know what you are doing?" " yes, as you said, I think you are crazy". Or, absolutely no response, which basically tells me that they think I am crazy. Even though I am confident that this is the path for our family, it is difficult, at best, makes me feel alone in this world when those closest to me can't say I understand, and we support you in this decision. But that may be asking too much, after all they just heard of it and it has taken me several months to make this decision. So I need to be patient, and know that God is with me. It doesn't help that I am feeling really sick on top of it. I'm not sure what is going on, tons of pressure all over my head and sinuses, and lots of ache and pain in my neck and shoulder. I hope I'm not starting to get allergies in my old age..LOL. I actually slept for 2 1/2 hours today while Tuki was taking her nap, and I still don't feel better. AUGH!!!!!!!

Flour and Water

This morning we saw two wild turkeys strutting by just outside our kitchen window. Over the years I have seen them periodically, but they may be coming around more now because about 1/2 mile away there are two large areas of woods that have been cut down so that new housing development can be built. I could smell the death of the trees as they were coming down and being burned and bull dozed over. It always makes me really sad for all the wildlife that lose their homes in this destruction. Contrary to popular belief, they just can't always move somewhere else because there are other wild animals that reside in the supposed "new" area. A case of not enough room at the inn, due to lack of food, cover and nesting areas.



We also saw Eastern Bluebirds this afternoon when we went for our daily walk. They are easily noticed by their obvious blue. They are related to the robin, just slightly smaller and certainly not as numerous simply because they are pickier about their nesting requirements. They need cavities and/or nest boxes to rear their young. They are always a delight to see. The population of bluebirds are doing well because many "birder" love to erect bird boxes for them to nest in.

Yet all the while today, I had the opportunity to observe and enjoy nature, eat several times, relax in the sun, go for a leisure walk, work in my yard, I couldn't help but be aware of the irony and wastefulness of my life and how wasteful most people in the USA live compared to Richena's life, I remember reading once at the food depot at our local University that the cafe throws over 550 lbs of food away each day. Why is this, because the students take too much, and then decide they don't want it.

"Her name is Richena Francois, 5 months old, born 11.11.07 - weighs 9 lbs - 22" long. Her mother died shortly after giving birth - she was 40 years old. The baby's older sister, Philomene, is caring for her....... She is very small for her age and has only been fed flour water up until now. She is malnourished and will probably have long-term affects from the lack of nutrients early on. She is alert, though, and ate very well while they were here."

If you want to read the rest of the story go check out the blog "Missionaries in Haiti" that I have listed on the side. The title is Richena Francois posted Friday.

Enough said.............

Complexity of Life

It's raining cats and dogs here, but not complaining because we need the rain. My perennials are bursting out of the ground all over the place. Spring is such a happy time.

We had to scrap the track meet we were planning on attending, but we are also saved because tomorrow night there is another local meet for the high school. Tuki enjoyed the last one so much that I want to take her to another one to watch her cheer on the team.

Today was a big day for our family. I sent in the dossier for Hawk to Steph, and she figures it will be a couple of weeks to make it to Haiti. Plus when I woke this morning, I just knew that this little girl, Katiana, was the child to complete our family. So I committed to her too. She is 6 1/2 years old, born on December 5, 2000. I have attached a picture so you can see how beautiful she is. It was like a weight was taken from my shoulders, once I started talking about her, I just knew she fit and I really didn't care if anyone else "got it". I did find out that one dossier is good for two children in Haiti (that wasn't the case in Guatemala), but I do need to file another I-600A, a petition for immigration of an orphan from the USCIS, since they are not biologically related. After this last file to USCIS, I just sit back and wait.

Other than that it has been a good week, everyone is well, school is excellent. We have been learning about and comparing and contrasting body systems in different Phylums. I love this stuff. Why, because the more I know and talk about the different forms of life, and how these forms interact and co-exist, in how complex and amazing that "things" just work everyday without ever thinking about it...One can't help but know there is a God so astounding that he created this amazing world we live in.
OK, I'm done..but you know I'm just saying..........

Pink Clogs are the BEST!!!

Tuki modeling that you can be girly while working on a project with tools


Way TOO cute. She does indeed love these shoes.

Stuck at a Crossroad

I haven't been able to sleep lately, and then this morning I woke at 4:00am, and couldn't fall back to sleep. What is the problem you ask...well you see my social worker approved me for a total of 2 children in addition to Skylar, who of course is already at home. So I have already committed to Hawk and I have been thinking, and thinking and thinking...I could on and on and I am still undecided as to what to do. Maybe you can help me.

First I have to say, I asked the sw to approve me for two children because I have in my heart and soul this unshakable feeling that we are at least a four person (3 children, 1 adult family). I say at least four because one never knows if Mr. Prince Charming comes along and well you know the rest of the story. Now that I am approved, I am terrified of many things, I'd like to share them and hopefully I will feel better, and maybe you may have a suggestion or two.

Why I am afraid:
1.My friends and family will think I am crazier than they already do.
2.Once the children come home, if I hit a rough patch or two, which of course I will, my friends and family will just say "this was your decision" or "I told you not to do this" (Which they haven't because I haven't told them my thoughts yet because of point #1). Unless of course they read this blog.
3. Can a single parent successfully parent 3 children.
4. The third child will have to be school age, so there is a greater chance of issues, or should I say bigger issues.
5. I hate being afraid, I don't like not doing something because I am afraid, for logical reasons yes, afraid no.
6. Can I stay financially fluid for the next 3 years. I know it will be a piece of cake once the two little ones are out of day care, but that is three more years after Gabe comes home.
7. Working on attachment bonding with two children as well as spending quality time with Tuki.

Why I like the idea of adopting two at this time.
1. I don't want to go through the paperwork and wait process again. I don't like it, and I pushed through this time for Owl (sibling(s)), me, wanting to parent a family, not just one child.
2. I am getting older and I feel it would be easier to go through one big adaption transition with two children and then we will all settle in over time (not sure how long, depends on the kids) and then not go through the initial stages again. New stages, YES, transition stage no.
3. Both children of Haiti will have a connection and feel connected with the other of like color in a town that is not very diverse. The black population is considerably smaller than the Hispanic population in our town, not that it is very big either.
4. Skylar loves, LOVES, other children of all ages.
5. I am irresistibly drawn to a particular six year old girl. Two times other families have considered her. I was happy for her and yet sad for myself in that I wouldn't know her. But then I wasn't having to think so hard about her anymore..a relief, but then both families for their own reasons decided it wasn't the right time, so they decided against it.
6. I have been in prayer about her and I feel that somehow God wants me to step out in faith and he will provide, but then again I have been wrong or misunderstood God's leading in my life in the past..

What to do?????...besides obsess about it!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a clearer note: I am sending in my completed dossier to Steph tomorrow and she told me that Hawk is doing much better. If all goes well, maybe the paperwork will be in Haiti by mid-May and then in IBSER (Haiti's government side of things) sometime in June..

Why I Blog

Just because she is so gosh darn cute!!!




I had to take today off from work. My daycare provider gets involved with the city trivia that draws in thousands. So she closed her doors on Friday (a friend of mine watched Skylar) and then also today. I was made aware of this many months ago so I scheduled a much overdue doctors appointment and stayed home with Tuki all day. We both enjoyed it, but like usual for me, the work-aholic that I am, I managed to get many other things accomplished. We went for a real long walk this am and saw wild turkeys by the river, cooked up some more food in the slow cooker, visited our neighbor, visited another friend that we hadn't seen since December, and picked up several piles of leaves. I gave Tuki one of those Fisher price cars that she can sit in and push around like the Flintstones (it was stored in my garage). Between fork fulls of leaves I'd push her around in it, and then other times she would play with it, by getting in and out. I think she kept herself occupied for at least two hours with that car (another rummage sale find).

One bird I noticed a lot today while we were walking this morning and then in my yard, was the Chipping sparrows. They were vocal, and zipping all around the yard. So I looked up their mating season and guess what, it starts right now and peaks in May...no wonder there was so much activity. They always set up nests throughout my yard and woods.

I decided to comment as to why I have started blogging. You see many of my friends and family have made off-handed comments to the effect that they think/thought it was dumb, that I had 'No life" because I blog or that they just didn't understand why any person would blog, or even that it is such a 20 year old thing to do. On the other side of things, many who have made these comments have then complimented me in the topics, and interest of the blog. So I guess I have made some into believers, or they are just being nice. I accept both options as valid.

So why do I blog:
1. I have learned many things about parenting from other people's blogs,
such as; serve food in a plate to toddlers instead of a bowl, that way they
tip them over less often because they can see the food better. Also when
Owl ripped the skin attachment from her upper lip that connects to her top
gum, I didn't panic, just stopped the bleeding and knew it would grow back.
2. The blog makes me think about writing. I have always thought that I had a children's book inside me somewhere, but felt it would never be able to materialize because I hat(ed) writing, but this blog has stimulated my creative juices and now I am thinking of writing about topics. There are still many days that I struggle in coming up with topics, but then on other days it is much easier.
3. It is a way of sharing pictures, milestones and stories about my kid(s). I use to bombard family and friends with periodic emails about all this, but I never really knew if they cared a to see them or not, so now I have sent the blog address out and if they want to know they can read it on line, if not then they don't. I'm not such a pest this way.
4. The comradely of those who are in the process or have gone before me in the whole adoption process. If you haven't adopted, you just can never fully understand, but finding allies in the adoption world for pre-adoption, in process and post adoption issues is vital. We are not alone.

Now the question remains; How long will I continue this blog?

I'm not completely sure, I would guess until I don't like the idea of writing in it anymore. I would hope well past the time Hawk comes home, because the topic of single parents deciding on adopting another child is always brought up in the adoption world. Maybe my experience "on-line" may give some people guidance as to whether to add to their family. Or maybe not.

Suggestions PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pix#1: Crazy hair 1st thing this morning, and a bath the night before.
Pix#2: Globe trotting Tuki

Pix#3: A girl and her rocks

Pix#4: Her new shoes, and a little more managed hair style. She is playing after church this morning. Do you think she has enough toys?

Pix#5: Asking for a "High Five" after she climbed down the stairs outside the house. Also an example of what I currently do with her hair. A unicorn on top of the head!!

Owl is at an age when there is some new behavior or accomplishment on a daily basis. I wanted to take the time in this post to share of of them, and also ask advice of more seasoned parents.

She has been able to go up the steps easily for over one month, but then this past week, my training her to go down them backwards has paid off. I was teaching her to stop when she came to a step, turn around and then step down. I initially had to physically move her through the motions while stating what to do. Well last Wednesday she did it all on her own, and then we do a "High Five" once she has finished the task successfully.

She now not only waves bye but also says "bye"

I have some "very" special rocks, yes there is such as thing as special rocks that I have accumulated over the years. They signify some important times in my life. Well anyway I have them displayed in various places around the house and Skylar knows not to mess with them. She usually does an excellent job, but one night she was extremely quiet and I went to check on her and of course she had the rocks. So I decided that she needed some of her own rocks. I gathered some "sort of" special rocks and put them in a zipper bag just for her. There were originally seven, now only five...who knows where the other two are, but she sure enjoys playing with them.

I had an old globe that was at work that I had used for my classes. Last week I decided to bring it back home because Owl has a thing for globes. So now she plays with it and I tell and show her daily where she was born and where she lives now and where her brother Hawk currently lives. I know she is a little too young to understand, but eventually it will sink in.

She shows an affinity for numbers, a lot more so than letters. When she is taking a bath, I sing the "Dr. Seuss ABC" book to her, (she won't let me forget) and then I sing a "Number Book" to her. She always wants me to repeat the number book. I also read her "8 Little Monkeys" first thing in the morning. She loves it!!

Those who read this and really know me personally, know these four things about me.
1. I hate shopping
2. I have no fashion sense
3. I am frugal in everyday spending
4. I am sometimes too practical

These four truths collide with Owl's idea of the perfect shoe. Yesterday, I had picked out a pair of brown leather sandals. I thought since I couldn't find imitation Air Walks I'd buy these sandals and since they were brown she could wear them outside, show little to no dirt, and yet wear them about town. Well, I showed them to her and there was no reaction on her face, absolutely nothing. So I experimented and showed her a pair of white shoes/sandals with butterflies on them. She grinned the biggest smile. I bought them. Yup, I am a sucker when it comes to my daughter. They are no good for quick slip-on, outside romp around, but good for other places. I also found a pair of pink imitation Air Walks. I bought them too. She has been wearing them around the house and outside and she wore her new white shoes to church today.

Lastly, I don't know what to do with her hair. I need help. I started putting conditioner in around Easter. When it is humid outside like today, it is wild and crazy with curls. When it is dry outside it lies flat, and appears dry and "fly away" type of hair. I started putting it up, as you may have witnessed in some pictures, but it is a battle to keep it in. She is on to the "Oh don't you look pretty"..she doesn't care, she just wants the hair pieces OUT.
Suggestions are highly welcome!!!!

A Parent fax paus

This is a picture of my nephew C, (M's brother) racing for his college. Since this post involves track I figured you'd like to a little track action . His bib number is 1168.

Last night I went against all my end of the week routine and parenting wisdom (minimal at best). I took Tuki to a local track meet to watch our high school girls compete. It was great for the longest time. She learned very quickly that when the gun went off others would start cheering, shouting and yelling for runners, so she started doing that too. We were in the inner track and she would walk around in circles watching the runners clapping her hands, while bent over slightly at the waist and yelling "whatnot" at the runners. It was extremely cute and she was a hit among the athletes and coaches.

This lasted until it didn't.... then it really went into a downward spiral FAST. We were there past her bedtime, but I figured since it was the weekend, we'd relax and enjoy ourselves because she could sleep late the next morning. As a side note..whenever she is up past her bedtime, which I have allowed for various sporting events and family get togethers, she just starts to quietly fade. BUT not this time..we had a crying melt down on the way to the car, in the car, once we arrived home, while changing her clothes and rocking her to sleep..I guess you could say she had a melt down up until she crashed. I think this is due to her new disposition ..telling me what her opinion in any given situation...

So the moral of the story, take them home JUST before the behavior takes a dive...leave on a happy note.

Otherwise you will pay for it right then and there and the next day..that is today..she was crying at a "drop of a hat" as the saying goes for no apparent reason all day except for I know she was overly tired...

The Name that Binds

One year ago today I received the email that my paperwork was OUT of PGN. That is the Guatemala government side of the adoption. This announcement meant several things.
1. Owl was legally my daughter. I was legally her mother.
2. I would be traveling within one month to pick her up.
3. My life as I knew it for over 40 years was going to drastically change.
4. It also meant the life and people she knew up until that point was also going to drastically change within 1 month.

A bitter/sweet time depending on who's perspective you look at.

Her legal name at that time was birthname #1, birth name#2, birth last name#1, my last name.

Naming children that were adopted is a VERY controversial issue in the adoptive family circle. Some say don't change a thing, some say change it all, some say add to the birthname, and yet others say change only one name. I am not sure there is a correct way, but I found a way that felt right for me and my children. This is how it goes:

Name #1: A name that I choose:
Owl's name means learned or educated one, a tool that will open many doors for women
Hawk's name means strength of God, a trait that will take him far in life
Name #2: birthname #1
Name #3: birthname #2
Name #4: my mom's or my dad's middle name
Name #5: Last name

A bit long, you bet, but I could not justify removing any part of the name that tied them (Owl & soon Hawk) to their heritage and birth families. It is part of who they are. But I also wanted to give them a name that would forever bind them to their new forever families, also a part of who they will become.

While reading one particular section of the book Does anybody else look like me? by Donna Jackson Nakazama, I know I did the correct thing.

"Because kids between five and eight are so interested in what characteristics their family "group" this is an excellent time to begin telling them details about their family background in all its rich variety--giving them a platform of pride to stand on which is so solid no one, and no comment, can shake its foundation....." a sense of belonging and knowing to whom one is related give multiracial children confidence to cope with challenges" they may face one day."

She continues later.. A multiracial child's name can be a point of departure in and of itself for conversation. I have many times, gone over the meaning of my son Christian's names with him, as a way of articulating the rich texture of varied ancestries he claims.

I plan to tell the story of Owl's name many times to her.

I will tell her she has four names. Two from her birth mom, one from me and one from my mother, her grandma. All courageous women, that helped make her who she is and who she will be one day.

Her birth mom because she had the courage and love to want something better for Owl, a life better than she felt she could give her, so she made an adoption plan for her.
My mother because she was an incredible woman of strength and valor as she battled cancer for over 15 years, raised 5 children and I can't really remember her complaining about her "deal" in life. Her wish and prayer to God was that she would take this cancer if he would spare her children. So far we have all been cancer free.
Lastly, I feel I have been courageous in my walk in this life. I try to walk without fear of the unknown, rather I hope people say I have lived life to its fullest.

I hope my children will take on life with vengeance, courage, joy, abandonment, love, along side of common sense, hard work, honesty and loyalty.

Family Traditions

There is a tradition in our family, that is not really a tradition, at least not something we have spoken of, it is just something my parents had done to me and my siblings, and now I see we have carried it down to our children. It is the gentle hand/wrist rub. My sister does it with her daughter, and I have seen my brother do it with his daughter as well, and now I also gently rub Owl's hands and wrists. I do not know how it originally started in our family, I just remember my father rubbing my hands and wrists. It is the most soothing and relaxing touch and usually done in the most intimate of circumstances; such as between lovers, and parents and children. When I first start rubbing Owl's hands, she will just lay silent, while joying it, and then suddenly look up at me and give me the biggest grin she could possibly make with her tiny mouth, and her eyes will light up with the brightest shine. I think somehow love is transferred between individuals that partake in this simple yet powerful touch.....

Today was a trouble shooting day.

First, I booked my flight tickets to Houston, TX, and then Haiti through Travelocity several weeks ago. Well last night they contacted me via email and stated there was a schedule change in my flights. The change was; OK ready for this..they had me arriving in Atlanta, GA, before I even left my original airport over 1000 miles away. I was a little TICKED off. So I called them and now instead of leaving at my initial time of 10:50 am, I am now leaving at 6:30 am...much earlier, and it will totally alter my plans for the day before my departure...Can they do that??? I guess so!! I stress every time I have to fly. It is not because I am afraid, it is due to twice in my life thus far, I have missed flights,and for some reason this has caused an irrational anxiety in me every time I fly.. making sure I make those connections just sends me over the edge. Now this time I will have Owl with me and still make the connecting flights...YIMEEEEE!!!!


Secondly, my home study agency sent my home study into the USCIS office before checking with me in where I wanted it sent and how I wanted it sent. You see I was planning on sending in my application and my home study in together to avoid them from becoming lost from each other. Well, what is the saying.."the best laid plans.." I quickly sent in my application after I found out they did this and now I pray that the USCIS office will be able to connect both pieces of mail. My application also needs to be sent into another state from which I live because I am actually closer to the other state. BUT my agency is use to sending most adoptive parents home study into the office nearest them. The agency did reassure me that they sent it to the correct office..I hope so. The nice thing about this agency is that they did send me a long apology and explanation email detailing the circumstances and misunderstanding. They really are a great agency, we just had a mix up in communication.

I will be most HAPPY,and calmer when the dossier is in Haiti. I won't be able to make anymore mistakes with the paperwork, it will be all up to Marie..the creche director to see it through..By the way, I hear she is really good at moving the paperwork through at a speedy pace. So it will be interesting to see how long the process actually takes. Hopefully less than one year........

I can't wait to hold and rub Gabryel's little hands and wrists...........soon, very soon..I just need to make those D--- connecting flights!!!!!

Hardening of the Gourds

The photos were taken after we came in the house from being outside all afternoon. She was so dirty and happy so I just stripped her down to her diaper, and put on a clean t-shirt (from her friend E when he went to Africa..thanks), and she had a blast the rest of the evening!! The rosy cheeks are due to the fact that she is currently growing in FOUR teeth!!


This weekend was FANTASTIC!!! I put aside all my musings and stresses from the issues of adoption, raising children of color, next years schedule and took a mental break....I need it sometimes...especially after a really rough week.

The weather was perfect, we spent many hours outdoors. Yesterday, a morning with her cousin Natania and my sister at a kids function at the mall, nap and then we were outside at least 3 hours in the afternoon. I started doing yard work. First off I buildt a pretty temporary greenhouse for my five gourd plants. Eric walked around the yard and played with Tuki while I was attempting to assemble this cats-cradle/green house. It actually works well, except I really need one sheet of plastic instead of several. I set the gourds in it today and hope to continue to harden them off until late April to early May (weather permitting)..and then plant with the plastic cover as an added buffer against the cold and night chills. Yeah, my gourd babies are ready for their next step in life..makes me proud.

After the assembling of the cat-cradle, we took a long walk with the dogs and Tuki.

Then today, well first off, we didn't go to church this morning. I really wanted to hear the pastor's message, but with Owl's cold and both of us having a rough week, I decided we were just going to hang around the house all day, with no schedules in "having to be somewhere at a certain time". Just her and me. It was great. It was a good decision...

So after a early morning walk, Tuki played while I started raking off some of the yard and a couple of gardens. We spent over four hours outside,and the dogs were in
the pen for over six. They are zonked out right now. I LOVE the outdoors, and it appears she does too!!! Last year, I didn't do much with any of my gardens because it was the year that Tuki came home. In all my reading, it was stated that some things will not get done, so I decided it was the weeding that would not get done, and now this year I really have my work cut out for me. It will be a good time to get Tuki use to the whole gardening aspect of her Mama's life, and hopefully hers some day too.

So now we are relaxed, rested and almost ready to approach another week with enthusiasm and passion................

I hope you also had a gourd hardening fantastic weekend too............

Seriously!!!!

To be a working mother requires one to multi-task to the extreme. To be a single working mother takes this multi-tasking to a whole new level. When I awake in the morning, I need my coffee fix. The fix amounts to around 4 plus cups of coffee with just a tad amount of milk. When I first started drinking coffee many years ago, I added many items to doctor it up to hide the "coffee' flavor. Now, I just need my fix nearly straight up, and how..yesterday when I went to work, I was exhausted all day. I didn't understand the extreme exhaustion. I thought it may be due to the snowy weather, or my worry about Hawk, or Tuki's new disposition. I just didn't know., but upon return last night while getting Tuki ready for bed I discovered my cold coffee (at least 3 cups worth) sitting on the high book shelf in her room. I must have forgotten it there while dressing her in the morning and became so busy I left it..thus the reason I was sooo tired...I need my coffee!!!!

The other morning I had to remind myself what I was doing for class while walking from the car to the building. I realized that in my morning routine of getting up early, showering, dressing, letting the dogs out, preparing breakfast, waking Tuki, dressing Tuki, and getting her and me along with my lunch out the door by 7:00 am I tend to forget about the next step after the daycare drop off until I am approaching my work place. In my parentless days, I would have thought about it the night before and the next morning constantly. Not to say I don't think about it before hand now, just not as much.

Then, when leaving work after working constant without a lunch break (eat while I work) so that I do not have to take papers home to grade, I make haste to pick up Tuki, because I know she is waiting for me, then we arrive home, snack and if nice outside, we go for a 3 to 3 1/2 mile walk and/or run. Arrive home, play around outside or inside, eat supper, bath, dance around the room shaking her gourd rattle from Guatemala, read, rock and then off to bed by 6:30 to 7:00 pm for her and later for me, AND yet the irony of this whole situation is; is that I am much more happy, even though I am so much more busy.

I have worked hard this year to NOT allow the fact that my personal situation has changed affect my job performance. So by the end of the week, like Friday nights, all I want to do is sit home, do laundry, clean my house and shut the rest of the world out, just for a few hours. But then by Saturday I am ready to go once again...crazy world we live in,

Now imagine my daily routine...do you have it visualized..ok, now add into the fix, another toddler...I can hardly wait...seriously!!!!

New Camera

My brother purchased a real nice camera...how nice do you ask, well I could have had TWO home studies completed for the same price....but he needed it for when his son, C, hopefully qualifies and competes for the next summer Olympics. This camera will be able to capture the finest details while the runners are racing, ACTION PHOTOS....

The really nice photos are by him, the OK photos are by me and my camera.... Enjoy

Speaking of home studies, mine is complete, and I just need to get it authenticated and then ship it off to Steph in CA...

RAH RAH RAH, future cheerleader....the best one of my little gal...isn't she cute

EVO...the new kid on the block

Hawk Update

I just heard word that Hawk had to have another blood transfusion today, he has been in the hospital since early March.. I'm not sure what to think anymore... He is one sick little guy. Yes, I am concerned what this might mean for long term effects, but I am also sure that if I hadn't committed to him when I did, he would surely have gone on to heaven........PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR HIM!!!!!!

Tomorrow - a new day

How would you like to be this eagle, a photo taken 3 hours north of me by a scope cam, just days ago....the weather is much like it is today, as you can see by the photos taken outside my house just 5 minutes ago.....



The experts say to rock them until they are drowsy and then put them in their crib, so they learn to fall asleep by themselves. Since she is 16 1/2 months I decided I need to start doing this. So I rock her, she is almost asleep, I put her in the crib but then she starts crying...how long do I allow her to cry before she finally falls asleep or before I go back upstairs and reassure and tuck her back in. I don't know this answer. I think I am teaching her to cry until I tuck her in again..yet she doesn't seem to want to sleep. This has been going on now for over one week..

Why does this crying and transition to falling asleep on her own versus falling asleep while cuddled in my rocking arms stress me out so much.. Does it stress all mothers or am I just a freakishly overly wound-up mother....oh, it is now quiet..will it last..no it has started again.....wait she is quiet yet again..........I think she has fallen asleep, a little quicker than last night..progress.

We are entering another new stage, she is definitely exerting her ideas into every situation. She even knows when it is bed time and starts fussing BEFORE the PJs are on. I am not sure I know how to handle her outbursts and so far mini-tantrums...I will learn, but today I am in a quandary..Who teaches them to drop to the ground and scream when they don't get their way..I sure haven't and yet she seems to do it so naturally. Are they are hard-wired for that behavior??

Most days children are the best, some days, well some days one can't help but think tomorrow will be a better day...

Tomorrow, Please be a better day!!!!!!!!!

Thank goodness we have the opportunity to right all our wrongs with each new day..

Only in the Midwest

Now I know it is spring, besides the obvious singing of the frogs, the emergence of my chipmunk, the return of the phoebe, and killdeer, robins, sandhill cranes, night migration and serenade of the snow geese, besides all that I was still questioning it. Why you may ask, because of the flurries for the last four days. But the two best tell-tale signs of spring unveiled themselves on Sunday morning and today.

Maybe, just maybe if you noticed the tiny gray marbles of fluff flitting back and forth over your lawn on Sunday morning you may have seen the well camouflaged dark-eyed junco, or should I say juncos.. a whole flock of them. Most likely the males coming through eating a bite on their way up north to establish their breeding grounds for the females, who will be following one week behind. Everywhere I looked, they were there, but I had to look closely, otherwise you wouldn't notice except for the flash of the white outer tail feathers. They stayed for about one hour and then just as quietly as they came, they left........

Today, the final mark of spring, it was snowing , at the same time that the sun was poking it's head through and giving us a blast its beautiful rays..I thought only in spring in the Midwest do you get this......incredible.

I have been reading several of the books that I ordered several weeks ago. The book, I'm Chocolate and You're Vanilla, by Marguerite Wright deals with the way children, particularly black children deal with skin tones and race.

At first, say around three years old kids start noticing the color of skin, but it is just the color that they notice. It has nothing to do with the race of an individual, just their color. All kids, when young if raised in a healthy environment are usually well adjusted, happy, full of life, and think anything is possible.

A quote from the author:

"When skin color or race is frequently discussed in the family, children will learn at a young age that there is some meaning beyond mere color associated with such colors as black and white. Depending on his or her family's attitudes, the child will learn that there are positive or negative connotations to black and white, to dark skin or light skin. Though they may not be able to understand these differences, children do feel them. A child will be able to sense from subtle messages that being lighter or darker is better or worse."

This hit home to me because I have been talking with my neighbor and a friend that love to talk philosophically in front of my daughter about skin color, race, and nationality. I know it is her presence that brings the topic on. Every time they get together with me they somehow need to work into the conversation something about skin tone. I have told them that the conversations needs to stop around her now that she is 16 months old, since she can understand what they are saying. I think I am effective, but then it happens again. I need to get tougher with them or I may need to take different actions.

Just this weekend, I asked my brother's friend if she thinks Tuki is too young for hair conditioning. I said that her hair is so dry and rumbled looking these last few days. She asked...for whatever reason, I don't know because it didn't answer my question, matter of fact it had nothing to do with my question.. "Do you think it is because of her nationality?" I remember scrunching up my face a little (because I was frustrated with that statement) and said "No, it because the air is dry".

According to the author, all these little, incidental conversations and statements will make my children start feeling negatively about themselves simply because they are of a different skin tone, or race. Even though they don't understand race until around six years old, they will know that they are "different" and that there is a value associated with that difference. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She also states that I, as a parent need to find a way to address these situations with a easy going manner, yet assert my right to decline or terminate the conversations. This will help teach my children that they don't have to deal with rude comments. Because no matter how you look at it, they are rude and usually unimportant. Maybe, yes accidental, and uneducated, but still needless and harmful none the less.

I am a scientist, many people I know study, teach, have been taught or think scientifically. Scientist categorize or classify observations based on similarities or differences. So I know it is a pattern of thought for many people, including me. BUT, we forget that there is a person with feelings that is behind the difference or similarity that is being discussed, in this case skin tone, or nationality. So for my children's sake, and all children that may look differently than you, please stop categorizing!!!! at least STOP CATEGORIZING OUT LOUD WITH LOOKS OR WORDS!!!!!!!!!! I know this was not stated in an easy going manner, you see I also have many areas to work on....

And the truth is, when you get to know my daughter, and I mean REALLY know her, and someday my son, none of the philosophical hoopla, and differences mean anything, it will be how we are all alike, and yet unique in our own ways that will leave the lasting impression...............

Happy Easter!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY EASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We had an exhausting, yet GREAT Weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Air Walk Hunt

YUCK...It is snowing outside today!!!!!!!!!!

We had off yesterday due to Good Friday. We weren't able to go to the service because our church held it's services at 6:00pm last night. That is Tuki's bedtime, yes 6:00pm and then she slept straight through until 7:00 am this morning. Needless to say she is a great sleeper, I enjoy it now, but come the teenage years, I'll probably have some wake-up issues on my hands...but that is another day and time..now I enjoy her sleep!!

Why Air walk clogs??---because Tuki seems to like shoes..oh boy, here it comes, the shoe loving kid, so very unlike her Mama, anyway...so I thought I'd buy her reasonably priced air walks so she can feel pretty in them and be able to take them on and off by herself..she likes to try and put shoes on by herself. Also, they are good outdoor romp around shoes..just wash them off!!

I had an extremely productive day yesterday. Between the times, we ate, played, danced, read books, snacked and hunted for real or imitation air walks..of course;


6:15 am - woke up
8:00 am- went to Walmart grocery shopping...also looked for air walk type shoes for
Tuki (only size 4 in pink seemed too small
8:45 am - came home unloaded groceries
9:45 am - went to the YMCA and worked out
10:30 am - ran to Kmart to check on air walk shoes for Tuki-nothing!!
11:30 am - Tuki's nap, I balance my checkbook, talk with social worker about home-study and start cleaning house.
1:30 pm - she wakes, I start making 3 dishes
2:30pm - two dishes assembled in slow cookers, and potato dish ready for tomorrows family Easter get-together
2:45 pm - ran to Target and Shopko looking for air walks for Tuki--found Dora's size
5 at Shopko, but too large...still no luck
3:00 pm - hang around hose, continue with cooking and cleaning
4:45 pm - Tuki's supper
5:15 pm - Tuki's bath
6:00pm - read her a book, rock her, and put to bed by 6:15 pm
6:30 pm - start doing laundry and continue on to this morning
7:00 pm - check blogs and forum info
7:30 pm - 10:00 pm - Read 1 of the three books that I ordered, while doing laundry, placing foods in appropriate Tupperware and cleaning out slow cookers.. busy yes, but a good day!!!!!!!!!!

As of yet, the hunt has been unsuccessful!!!

Happy Birthday Hawk!!!!!!!

Today is my son's 1st birthday. I know he is not legally my son yet, but in my heart he is. It is rather surreal that he is turning 1 years old, fighting for his 2nd year of life, while in a hospital. I wish I was there with him, yet I know it is not even remotely possible at this time.

I look forward to my visit trip, can you tell?, I keep bringing it up, but at the same time I am fearful of the wait AFTER I leave him. You see I have experience with this "waiting". I visited Owl at 2 1/2 months, and I had to wait three and one-half more months before she came home to me permanently. It was the most agonizing
3 1/2 months!!!, but it was ONLY three and one-half months,

with Hawk it will be VERY different....

from the time I visit him, to the estimated time that his adoption will be complete will ELEVEN months!!!!!!!!!!!!..yes, you read that correctly...ELEVEN months or even possibly MORE!!!!. I am so hoping that the time will pass quickly since this time I will have Owl at home with me helping to take my mind off of the WAIT...

What most parents of biological children don't tell you OR they don't even realize because most usually don't have to hand them "back", is that in just a few days of taking care of a child, not only is there an emotional bond that is formed, but also a physical bond. I remember when Owl went back to her foster mom, I would stand and rock back and forth, I would dream that she was snuggling up against me, but to only awake with a pillow nestled in my arms. I could smell hear, hear her, almost touch her but not really...I had to go through physical withdrawal, and it took weeks..but I never stopped longing for her, and then she was there in my arms forever...I can't wait to be able to tell Gabryel's story ..but in the in the past tense..........

Happy Birthday my little angel!!!!!!! Keep fighting, we are waiting for you....

Introducing Evo, a new family member.........

Isaac, the 110 lb, doberman pincher in one corner, and Evo, the 6 1/2 lb chocolate labrador in the other corner. If you look at the body postures carefully, it is easy to see who would come out the victor...the answer..NOT Isaac!!

Einstein trying to be a "nice" scorgie to Evo, but it is so hard when you are indeed a true scorgie at heart

M holding her "new baby"

Well I have my flights to Haiti figured out;
We leave home on June 18, then travel to Houston, Tx, where my brother picks us up. We stay with them in LA for 5 days., then on the 23rd we drive back to Houston, I fly alone to Haiti, and Owl stays with my brother and his family. I'll be staying at Walls that is located directly across the street from the orphanage. Then on the 27th, I fly back to Houston, my family meets me there, we stay overnight in Houston and then on the 28th Owl and I fly back home. It will be busy, kind of like her pick-up trip...but I'll tell that story on her anniversary date...May 11.

This has been an exhausting week. The work is long, the kids are restless, the weather has turned cold, yet my resident chipmunk has come out of hibernation...it should have waited another week!!! Owl and I seem to be extra tired and cranky.

Last night, just like every other Tuesday my niece, friend and I get together at my house and scrapbook. We don't always scrapbook though, sometimes my friend knits, my niece puts stamps together or I prepare dossier papers, but last night not much was accomplished because M, my niece brought over her new 6 1/2 week old puppy for us to see. He played with my three dogs, running around the kitchen for a good hour or so, and then crashed in her arms...the pictures tell the story. Owl was in bed by this time, but she will get to meet him on Easter.

The dog's name is Evo, short for evolution, in honor of the car, not the theory!!

The Marvelous Onion

Owl's photo is from Christmas on her Lightening McQueen race car. I haven't taken any new photos in the last week so I am posting some from the past year.

The onion, well it is a marvelous thing of discovery

This morning I was placing an onion on the counter in preparation to take it to work. We were going to do a lab showing cells with onion skin. Well, Owl was sitting in her high chair eating her breakfast when she spotted this onion. She pointed to it, and asked in her "uh uh" voice. I then handed her the onion. She took the onion with both hands with the same care someone would take with an expensive, irreplaceable vase. She turned her head side to side, and slowly moved the onion around in her hand with the most joyful expression on her face. You'd think I gave her a million bucks. The onion slipped a little and hit the tray, she looked up at me in worry to check if it was ok, I said it's "ok", so she continued on with the exploration of the onion. She even tasted the end while discovering her great prize.
It was amazing to watch, the joy, and wonder of her face was priceless. I wish I could bottle her expressions and emotions at that moment and whenever I think things are getting tough, I'd take it out and watch it all over again. It was truly a treasured moment.

I have also attached the response that I received from Marie, Hawk's orphanage director. By the way he has been in the hospital for 1 month now. Marie speaks Creole, French and English. So the text is in translated English.

Hawk is still in Hospital. I have to wait until the doctor says his words, he was very sick, he has bad malnutrition. I saw the doctor this morning, she told me, we have hope, he will make it. We are going to still pray for him. God will help him.

So please keep praying for his physical and cognitive healing...

I received the three books in the mail today, and I just ordered them on Thursday...Amazing

Lastly, I am planning to go to Louisiana in June and then from there fly to Haiti,
and spend 3 days at the orphanage, and meet Hawk and the other kids. I am excited and little nervous to be away from Owl for that amount of time. It will be the first since she has been home. Pray for me too!!!

Why so many children??

Children looking for food on the garbage dumps

I have been pondering how to comment on this question. You may have wondered, or may still be wondering why do these mothers in these impoverished countries continue to give birth to so many children, when in fact they can't raise them to adulthood, or in fact raise them, but then leave them to fend for themselves by foraging from garbage dumps, begging or living off the streets. I am no expert in this whole topic, but one thing I have learned is that we as United States, Americans can not pass judgment on people from other countries based on the lives that we live and the opportunities that we have. Our idea of poor is hugely rich to most people around the world.

It just is not the same, and until you visit some of these countries, and spend time in the poorer areas, you will never fully understand it.

Even if you did, I still don't think we can fully understand what it would be like to hope for one meal each day, hope to feed our children and skip ourselves for their sakes, not knowing where we will sleep for the night, or where the next "buck" will come from. So you may be thinking, so what is the difference between them and our homeless people. I'm not sure there is much except for the one difference I think there may be is that in America, there is always a chance for something better, but in other countries since most of the country lives poor, there is very little opportunity to break out of the cycle of poverty.

So I am attaching snip-its from two websites that dealt with some of the reasons why so many children are born into these impoverished situations. From what I have read and heard from many different sources, you can exchange the name of the countries and replace it with India, Haiti, Guatemala, Honduras, Ethiopia and so on, because the reasons tend to be the same:

Lack of birth control:Without birth control, the growing populations of poor countries are only limited by starvation, disease, and war. Most women in poor countries want access to birth control, but because of poverty and the interference of religious organizations, they cannot gain access to it. Faced with the demand for sex from their husbands, and/or raped by neighborhood men >(I added) they continue to give birth, only to watch helplessly as their babies starve. The surviving children grow up without access to education and with little or no hope of employment.
While most people in industrialized nations can easily afford the cost of birth control, it remains beyond the reach of those who need it most. Only when birth control is provided for free to women in developing nations will the cycle of poverty, starvation, disease, and war be broken. Free birth control would allow every couple to choose how many children they want to have. The global cost of providing free birth control would be small compared to the long term financial, environmental, and human costs if nothing is done.
www.evolutionary-metaphysics.net/sexual_morality.html

It is well documented that since the people of Guatemala worship Christ through the Catholic religion, they don't have access to birth control because it is frowned upon by the Catholic religion. I am not disrespecting the Catholic faith, just stating the facts of one of the reasons for high number of births.

Low Societal position of women and son preference:
Apart from its vertiginous cliffs, poor roads and extreme weather, one of the most significant reasons behind the persistently high death rates is gender discrimination. In Afghanistan, men are considered superior to women, and sons are generally more prized than girls. In practical terms, this ‘son preference’ translates into high rates of female illiteracy, malnutrition and early marriage. Indeed, women are seen as little more than commodities who are often bought, sold or are given away to rival families or clans as a means of resolving conflicts. The strong conservative patriarchy of Afghanistan is deeply rooted in the history and culture and is justified through local interpretation of Islamic teachings. Because families are so poor, parents are more likely to pool scarce resources to send their boys to school and to ensure that they remain healthy. Girl children invariably do without. Indeed, so entrenched is the bias against girls and women, that Afghanistan is the one of only two countries where male life expectancy exceeds that of females.
One of the more pernicious aspects discrimination, however, lies in the widespread practice of child marriage. According to Shinwari, more than 40 per cent of Badakshani women are married before the age of 15 and often long before their immature bodies can cope with both the demands of sex and the rigours of childbirth. In Afghanistan overall, 40 per cent of girls are married before they reach the age of 18. In more outlying areas, poverty, lack of awareness and the need to “protect” young girls from premarital pregnancy, encourages many parents to marry their daughters off even younger—in some cases when they are no more than seven–years old. Many of the women and girls that eventually make it into Dr Shinwari’s clinic have been stunted by years of semi-starvation. This, coupled with poor infrastructure and the pressure to begin child bearing early, can be recipe for disaster.
Although maternal haemorrhage is the leading cause of maternal death in Afghanistan, in Badakhshan prolonged and obstructed labour accounts for most (30 per cent) maternal deaths. In the absence of emergency obstetric care, this can also lead to disabling and stigmatizing conditions such as obstetric fistula. Girls under the age of 15 are five times more likely to die in childbirth than women in their twenties.
www.unfpa.org/swp/2005/presskit/docs/afghanistan.doc

I have seen this to be the situation in MANY countries..too many to name them all.

So some women who have the opportunity to find a better life for their child(ren) come to the difficult, heart wrenching decision, to allow another family to raise their child(ren) in hopes that there will be more opportunities for them. That is an incredible love..so big that I don't even know if there are enough words to describe the depth of it.

Yes, I admit I have selfishly benefited from their decisions because I am able to be a mother. I would be remiss if I didn't state that. I am grateful to them, for me, and the life and purpose that their children will be able to fulfill. I feel my life was saved the day my daughter entered it, and I am sure it will be doubly enriched when Gabryel comes home.

Is that the end, no I also hope to give back to these two countries in ways that are not totally clear to me yet, A way that I along with many others will be able to help make a difference in not only our children's lives but also in the lives of the people from their birth country.

Why sooooo long??

Photo is of northern Haiti

I am already getting the question. "Why is the process so long?" Well I have listed the steps that the paperwork needs to go through while in Haiti. Plus the time line for each step can always vary depending on many factors. I have heard lately that I need to expect a wait of 18 months of 2 years and hope for shorter before he comes home.

So here it is, enjoy the reading.


1. Send dossier to Haiti with three copies.
2. I-600A Approval (Form I-171H or I-797C will eventually arrive in the mail)
3. Enter/Exit 1st Legal (4-8 weeks)
4. Enter/Exit IBESR (6-10 months)
5. Enter/Exit 2nd Legal (8-10 weeks)
6. Child receives passport.
7. Travel to Haiti to meet your child
a.After the US Consulate in Haiti gets notice of your I-600A approval,
they will automatically send you packet of information about 4 months later
with documents such as a visa application form (OF-230) and a list of
IBESR requirements. For an IR3 or IR4 immigrant visa the child will need:
i.A Haitian passport reflecting the child's legal/adoptive name as shown on
the Acte d'Adoption.
ii.Three "immigrant visa" photographs of child.
iii.Child’s medical report, including vaccinations (unless a vaccination
waiver is requested), from an Embassy approved panel physician.
1.Note: the physician can perform the required medical examination only if
the adopted child is in possession of a valid Haitian passport as indicated
in “11.a.i” above.
iv.Form OF-230, the biographical data sheet for the child, completed by an
adopting parent in the name of the adopted child. (Included in package
indicated in 11.a.)
v.The Affidavit of Support (Form I-864), 1040s and W-2s for the past three
years, and evidence of current employment, such as a letter of employment
or check stubs. Part 864A of the Affidavit of Support, part I-864A, must
be signed by both parents as indicated. (Included in package indicated
in 11.a.)
vi.The child's Extrait de l'Acte de Naissance (birth certificate) from the
Archives Nationales.
vii.An Extrait des Minutes de Greffe of the Tribunal de Paix having
jurisdiction over the domicile of the child.
viii. An Autorisation d'Adoption from the Institut du Bien Etre Social et
de Recherches (IBESR), located at 18 Avenue des Marguerites in Port-au-
Prince, indicating that the adoption conforms with the laws of Haiti.
ix.The approved Report on Overseas Orphan Investigation (I-604).
1.Adopting parents should ensure that CIS-Port-au-Prince has
forwarded this document along with the approved I-600, if filed
locally, to the U.S. Embassy Consular Annex in advance of their
appointment with the consular officer.
x.If the adopting parents have an approved I-600A application only, they
will need to file Form I-600 with CIS Office in Port-au-Prince and
bring the approved form to the Consular Section at the time of the
interview.
xi.Sufficient funds to satisfy all applicable fees. The U.S. Embassy
Consular Section cashier is not authorized to accept checks
or credit cards. Sogebank and Unibank are among some of the banks
that have ATM machines in Port-au-Prince.
b.The visa interview should be requested only after the DNA results
have been received (if required) at the Consular section and the
I-600A has been approved (Form I-171H or I-797C).
8. Return to the United States to bring your child home!
9. Obtain U.S. Birth Certificate and Proof of Citizenship (N-600)

State re-adoption, post placement reports and supervision are completed as required.