Nightmare Day

Today was a day from He@@ for me. I have had bad times and days with Tuks before today, but it was at its all time worse at 11:20 am this morning. I had an eye doctor’s appointment, and almost the whole time Tuks was crying, and saying “no way” and spilling her milk. In addition, she had to touch everything in sight and she even shut off one of the machines. It was a nightmare. Every attempt I made to circumvent or stop the behavior only made the situation worse. I was frustrated with her, disappointed with myself for not finding a resolution and distressed because I knew she was disturbing others in the clinic. At one point I even took her outside and grabbed her shoulders so she’d look at me while I told her she needed to calm down, quit crying and be nice. See the irony here, I am stressed out and I am talking VERY sternly to her, that she needs to calm down..."yeah kettle calling the pot black Ma". This was not successful either, so I placed her in her car seat and she continued to sob hysterically. I debated as to whether to just reschedule the appointment, but then I told Tuks “If she wanted to go swimming this afternoon she had better stop all the hysterics” She started to calm down and eventually we went back inside and finished the appointment. I kept looking for the ladies who worked there to give me some sort of reassurance that it was alright, but what I received was tight lipped smiles and looks that I felt were screaming silently “SHUT YOUR KID UP, MY KID WOULD NEVER ACT THAT WAY!! Ok, maybe I don’t know if they were really thinking that, but that is what I felt they were thinking. Remember I was greatly stressed!!!

The doctor was great. He said that he had 2 kids, and that at Tuks age; all they wanted to do was manipulate the situation, like Tuks was doing. So I said’ “So the answer is to just ignore her” and he said “Yes”, so then I asked "what about all the people she is disturbing when she acts this way” He promptly said, remember this was his clinic Tuks was raising holy terror in, “Kids pick up real quick that they are in public, and so they raise the ante in bad behavior because parents are kind of stuck with discipline around others, so I just ignore all others and focus on what I am teaching my child” I then said, “so will this get better and easier” and he said “definitely. That made me feel a whole ton better.

My eyes were fine, no real changes, so I headed home, and promptly fed and put Tuks to bed. Obviously hunger and tiredness played a part in her behavior. Soon after she was sleeping, my friend C called and managed to talk me down from my boiling point. He even offered to take her fishing next week without me being present…Thanks C, great friends are a God send!!!!

The thing is since I have been back from Haiti; Tuks has been a real BEAR. Is it because she is 2 ½ years old, or because I was gone for one week, or I am just doing a horrible job at this mothering thing…many days this week I have been at my wits end, and felt like crying. I also know this is due to missing my girls in Haiti. Of course, with Tuks over-reacting to literally everything, I am second-guessing whether I will be able to handle 3 kids. I’m sure I will, but days like today will probably be more frequent and maybe even worse in intensity…..

The rest of the afternoon went fine, but it was just me and Tuks and she had taken a LOOONNGGG nap. I can’t wait for this phase to pass……

I have read that parenthood puts a spotlight on yourself. Kids can find your weaknesses,
and you realize things about yourself. Today taught me something that I have struggled with my whole life. My sister has told me that I worry far too much of what others think and feel about me. She had said many times that I need to let it go, and today showed me that again because I was so worried about all the people in the clinic thinking I was a bad mother, (bad mother for a badly misbehaving kid and bad mother for not being able to control my badly behaving kid) I really wasn’t focused on teaching my daughter how to properly behave, and I let it make me feel really bad about myself. Feeling bad about myself didn’t help me in helping Tuks be better at behaving…So it becomes a vicious circle. The learning curve for parenting seems to be so high…

I also like to appear that I am at all times "On top of things', meaning I can handle with ease that which life gives me. I was obviously NOT on top of things today, and in front of others, so that in itself put me WAY out of my comfort zone, therefore increasing my stress level even more... Another lesson learned, ASK for help, I don't have to pretend I have all things under control...actually I have nothing under control, especially a 2 year old!!!!

As My friend C stated today.
“ Parenting is a tricky thing,”…I so agree

Oh yeah, nephew C is racing tonight at 9:40pm PST.

Beta- flurry of activities

practicing numbers


manicure and pedicures for all the girls


sight seeing


sliding


and then more sliding


biking


more biking


jump roping


double jump roping


conquering fears


relaxing...aaahhh heaven


eating


playing hard to get

Alpha – The beginning

White House in Haiti

After a hurried, not so well thought out, driving by the seat of our pants entrance into the airport terminal by my friend dropping me off, I finally was on my way to Haiti. A quick meet - up with Small town girl and Mrs. K in Atlanta, and we were all on our way to see our children. Honestly, I had no idea as to what to expect in my time with the girls. Last year I spent maybe 3 hours with Ve, in which she slept one hour of it away and my only encounter with Mim was playing catch with her and several others on my last day there.

My first priority was to get my paperwork filed on Friday, and it worked out well for all of us even though I was a nervous wreck prior to due to the 2 hour delay of our scheduled meeting. Friday afternoon all the kids were brought over, 5 girls and one boy. I was afraid I’d give him a complex since I had a bad habit of referring to the gaggle of kids as girls.



Mim coloring the first night. I think she is doing a pretty good job!!

Upon meeting up with the girls, I showed them their photo albums and then we went to our bedrooms. I had three single beds located in my room. Once I had shown the girls their gifts, Mim promptly separated the clothes according to her size and Ve's size. She did a better and quicker job of this than I would have. In fact, somehow I think Mim has more experience at this mothering role than I do. Shortly after, we hung together with the other kids and Moms, then we ate, then finally we swam. Ve went in the water willingly with me, but held a death grip around my neck the whole time, whereas Mim was like a flower that had been sprinkled on and just opened up with the brightest blossom. She is literally all smiles, movement and sunshine in the water. After we exited the pool, we spent some time watching the world go by on the balcony at Walls. The kids were quiet and I was not sure as to how they were taking this all in. We eventually returned to our rooms, brushed our teeth, and Mim choose the bed directly across from me and Ve jumped on the bed at the foot on my bed. We all slept very well that night.


Ve's version of coloring. She was sure proud of her work!!


The swimming suits, I went with two pieces because I wasn't sure of their sizes and I didn't want to get there and find out I had chosen suits that were too small. I think they look pretty good in them, even though you wouldn't catch me in a two piece!! LOL


Our first night together!!!

He is in the finals!!!

My nephew ran the 5000m prelims at the Olympic trials last night in Oregon. He placed second in the second heat. That menas he is 6th overall coming into the finals for Monday night, and needs to move up 3 places to qualify for the Olympics in August....Think happy thoughts for him!!!!

Beta - the middle- My girls

I’m not sure where to start with this post simply because so many thoughts are racing through my mind. These thoughts are then mingled with returning to Tuks who has been letting me know in no uncertain terms that I was gone far too long. She was an angel at her caregivers while gone, but then has a little each day totally fell apart at the littlest things since I have been home. She even said to me, “I missed you and I love you” within an hour of picking her up. Not typical comments from her.

The trip to Haiti was amazing on so many levels. First I had the opportunity to meet, travel and spend time with three other adoptive moms, Mrs. K, Small town girl and another damn Yankee, like myself, Mama J. It was unreal to me how previous to this trip we had never met, but have only read each others’ posts and blogs, and yet it was like in many ways we knew each other, felt comfortable in being ourselves and just had a good time and was also supportive of each other.

Secondly, this was my second time in Haiti, and the familiarity of the airport, the hotel, the staff, and the crèche made it almost feel like I was returning home. I know odd, but true. This trip was one week shy of one year of my trip there last year.

Thirdly, my time spent with the girls. I was so anxious to observe them and to begin to attempt to figure out “who” they were. Now this may sound odd, and you may be thinking how could I get a sense of them in only 2 1/2 days. I believe with my years of being a teacher and meeting 5 classes of 30 new kids in each class each year, as well as my years working with animals that are non-verbal, I have become quite intuitive about people and their needs. I have had many teachers and parents comment on my uncanny ability to “read” a person.

So anyway, in spending time with my girls, I would like to share what I have observed thus far:



As for Panda, whom I am now forever going to change her codename to “Ve” is quite a fireball. She is HUNGRY for a Mama. Most of the time she clung to me. I say most because when she would get upset with something I would request of her, she had a time or two gone “Mama shopping”. Yet she also knew that I was her Mama Aves, their term for me. She is extremely kinesthetic, happy, emotions worn on her sleeve little girl. She feels what she is feeling intensely. She also seems to be the “low man” on the totem pole at the crèche, so I could tell that she may be excluded from activities and may be left to observe from the sidelines. This is also why she has acquired the habit of yelling, hitting, and pushing if anyone grabs an item from her hand, or she spots an item she wants from someone else. I noticed she is an avid nail biter, probably a year older than what her birth certificate states and definitely needs to be dewormed once she arrives home. I also noticed she tends to be afraid to try new things, but will give it a chance if she observes the older kids doing it. She so wants to belong to someone, but I think is unsure of how to go about it. She felt comfortable enough with me, that she had a major meltdown on Sunday night. She did learn some English words, more specifically names of the family members, but other than that she did not show any interest in learning puzzles, letters, numbers etc., I could not form a reason as to why this may be the case. Is she too young developmentally, is she having problems with learning, or is she just too energetic to have an interest in abstract things. I don’t know, but I am certain we will figure it out once she is home. Lastly, I am already crazy about this kid. She will fit in perfectly with Tuks and me!!!



Cheetah, whom also has a new codename of Mim, is a quiet, deep well of emotions. She has learned to keep her thoughts and emotions in check deep within her soul. All, and I mean all the kids look to her, defer to her and include her in everything they do or have. She is industrious, sensitive, helper, and definitely has taken on more of a Mama role rather than a child role with the younger kids. She is also independent. She is sweet beyond belief, but I couldn’t help but wonder if she has learned to be on her best behavior so that she won’t be rejected. Only once did I see her exert her desire with me, and that was when she wanted me to purchase a necklace from a vendor. She is a picky eater, doesn’t like any vegetables in any form, and loves to learn. She was asking me constantly what things were called. She LOVES, LOVES, LOVES to swim. She obviously has had experience with this activity before. She hoards things. By the end of the trip, the toys and such that I brought for Ve and Mim, were not so evenly divided anymore. Mim had twice the amount of things than what Ve had. I believe she may need glasses, one of her teeth needs to be capped, and she is way older than I had been originally told; yet she is developmentally many years younger. Thus far, I don’t know exactly what I will do about her education because of this age difference, and I am a little concerned as to how much older she is compared to Tuks and Ve. I will have my hands full and constantly be checking myself with asking her to help, which she does willingly, and allowing her to be the child she is. It will be interesting. She definitely knew I was HER Mama Aves. I didn’t notice any Mama shopping and she seemed devoted to me. I was concerned as to how little attention I could give her compared to Ve, but in the end it seemed like she had formed an attachment to me, and the idea that I was her future Mama. I can honestly say I fell deeply in love with this child on this trip, and I think vice versa, which may make this waiting feel twice as long for both of us.

I am back

from Haiti, that is......... I made a quick trip to Haiti to file some papers and spend time with my girls. I haven't quite processed my thoughts yet since I arrived home at 2:00 am this morning, and my butt is dragging tonight. So, for now, I will leave you with this picture.



and oh yeah some great news, Panda is in MOI. Her number is #4440. This stage takes
about 4 months (early Oct) and then finally after this step is over, on to the final stage...Visa!!!!!!!!!!!

I love

the sound of Tuks reading. After our bedtime routine with many stories and a re-cap of the day, I put her to bed. Then I come down stairs and I hear her reading several more books.....She is up there right now reading with the inflections in her voice as she makes up the stories. Once she is done reading, she sings several songs, and finally dreamland takes over.

On another note, that is not so pleasant, I found out that I had identity theft on one of my credit cards. The person charged 13 different items since June 14 and all were denied except 3. So now those three will be canceled and the card will be shut down. Scary to think about, yet VERY grateful it was caught.

Amazed

as to how quickly this summer vacationing has taken hold of me this year. Every other year it has taken a week or so to reach the slow mo mode, but not this year. It has taken me about 1 1/2 days to get to the point where I have lost all sense of time and what day it is. Does this mean I am getting older or more adaptable?? It is such a new phenomena for me that I have noticed the difference. Mind you I am not complaining, but truly I am amazed............and liking it a WHOLE LOT TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday the 13th, what a day

This summer vacationing is rough. Even though we slept in until 9:00am, I know I can't believe it either, I worked out for over 5 1/2 miles, then walked nearly 3 miles after lunch and finally mowed the lawn with the mulcher push lawn mower. I am placing the mulch on my garden beds and that lawn mower is heavy, not to mention once the bag is full, it is even heavier. It takes me 1 1/2 hours to mow the lawn with my other mower, but much longer with the mulcher mower. I still have a little to finish tomorrow. I had better slow down before I do myself in.

In addition, my resident doe was bedding down within 50 feet of my back door as she does every year before she births her fawn(s). She seemed very heavy laden around the belly, and she was even kicking at it, and then this afternoon, she looked gaunt behind the abdomen, so I think she gave birth today. I will know for sure in a week or two. A fawns' best defense in the first 2 weeks of life is to lay low because they have no body scent, but then after 2 weeks they are up and running with Mom.

LET THE GAMES AND FUN begin

Yesterday was the last day that teachers had to be at school. I moved all my stuff from the one junior high to the other. I set up my office area all cozy and home-like....it was great to be back. This was the junior high I was hired in, but then 4 years ago it had dropping enrollment and I was the newest science person on staff so I had to travel. I am now back (due to a retirement and increasing enrollment) and there is another newer person hired after me at this new school, so I should not have to travel between schools again........YEAH..

OK, now to put school behind me for the summer......

LET THE GAMES AND FUN begin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bring on summer, and I mean the real summer, not this cloudy, wet and cool summer we have been experiencing thus far.

Let's go CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried this in January, but I didn't like the pictures very much, but these I like. Plus I bought a dress just like Tuks for Panda and the a darker pink for Cheetah.









The following pictures are why I don't dress Tuks up nicely very often. This was shortly after I got her dressed and fixed her hair. She then proceeded to run around and go crazy and this was all within 15 minutes before church. I had to do her hair all over again after she went "CRAZY!!!"

Stormin'

on and off all day, even soaked my clothes on the line. The first time I have hung clothes outside in 2 years and they soaked. But we also did a walk today. Three years ago, pre-Tuki days I walked the marathon on this event, two years ago I walked 1/8 of it when Tuks was 6 months old. Today we, Tuks, cousin N, Uncle J and Aunt M walked 1/4 of the marathon. We wanted to see how the girls would do, and set up an opportunity for an award at the end. They did fantastic and we all had fun. There was even talk of doing the 1/2 marathon next year.....

I also noticed my E. Phoebe's first clutch of two youngsters have fledged. YEAH and good job Momma Phoebe


pre-walk preparation and excitement


on the start of the walk


stopping to smell the lupine


walking and strolling was our means of locomotion


we make it to the finish line


yeah, we are done


my medal


mommy and me moment...mommy working REALLY hard to get me to smile...NOT working


still not working


now that the fun is over, back to work counting grapes and placing them in a bag


partying with the family


bear bear is my best buddy, he was with me the whole way


two years ago, this same weekend

Last Day

Today was the last day of school with my students. It was a bitter sweet day because next year I will teaching in the other junior high in our town, and I may never see this year's students again. I really enjoyed this year, and I mean really!! I could hardly believe the year is over for the summer. Teachers have to go three more days and then we are done. Don't get me wrong, I will most assuredly enjoy my summer, but I also enjoyed this past year like I never have before. Hopefully, I will stay on this good trend in the future!!!

FFF - Puzzling Endeavor

Kiki brought KFC over tonight and then Kiki, A and Tuks had some bonding time.

The gang putting together a number puzzle.

Two 1/2 year check-up

Tuks 2 1/2 year check - up was tonight.

HC - 49 1/4 cm - 75%

Weight - 33' 7 oz - 90%

Height - 37 3/4 " - 90%

She is still on the tall end for height. I guess if she keeps growing like this, she will be a very tall young lady. Time will tell. Other than that she is very healthy and he said we don't have to come back until she is 3 1/2 years barring any problems, of course.