Tuks is 21 months old today

I always forget how butt dragging tired I become after a full day at school and then 2 hours of CC practice. Yes, today Tuks spent 11 hours at daycare..yes, I know, don't flame me, I am struggling with the guilt of it all too. But, here is the thing, I am doing poorly with it, and she is sill a little happy camper. Her daycare is an in-home care, so she is actually spending time with a larger family then when it is just her and me. Yes, I know she and I love "our" time, but I can also tell she loves spending time in a larger family setting...that's why I want to parent more kids..for her and me. I probably won't be able to coach when Panda comes home, but the (lack of)speed of her process makes me believe I still may be able to squeeze in next year's season.

On the bright side of her language, for the last week or so she has very pointedly been calling me mama. She has said the word for a long time, but not always specifically to me when she wants something..that now has turned a corner, so maybe we may see a language explosion before she is 2 years.

Happy 21 months Tuks.............

The difference a year makes

With cousin C in August 2006
























With cousin C in August 2007

Popcorn-fun to make and fun to eat!!

Still not totally surrendered this whole 18 month to 2 year wait thing for Panda to come home over to God...so, just so you know how stressed I am, I ate a whole bag of microwavable popcorn by myself after Tuki went to bed, around 7:00pm..I guess I just blew over the "no food after 7" rule....oh well...I needed the comfort food tonight!!!!!!!!! I need at least a few more days to feel sorry for myself and then I promise I will move on, I always do........

The eating binge might also have to do with the fact that I am overly tired because Tuks and I got up at 4;15 am this morning to go to a nearby town for a 6:00am (according to the website) balloon launch, but the thing is it didn't happen until after 7:00am, so we could have slept at least 2 more hours.....sorry no pictures.

Personality Test

I thought it was pretty accurate, except I usually test at INFJ.

I read this papragrpah that made sense;
In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

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INTJ - The "Strategist" Myers-Briggs Personality Types (Free Test)

INTJs are introspective, analytical, determined persons with natural leadership ability. Being reserved, they prefer to stay in the background while leading. Strategic, knowledgable and adaptable, INTJs are talented in bringing ideas from conception to reality. They expect perfection from themselves as well as others and are comfortable with the leadership of another so long as they are competent. INTJs can also be described as decisive, open-minded, self-confident, attentive, theoretical and pragmatic.

Best Case

OK, with all the "stuff" going on in Haiti right now, I have come to the conclusion that I will let go of my time table of when I want Panda home and trust God as to when her homecoming will be best for her and of course all the other children waiting to come home.

So, when do I feel she may be home, considering everything..best case scenario late 2008...this is best case scenario!!!!!!!!!

So, no offense..but, please don't ask, because I am going to try and forget about it as much as possible until the time draws near......as much as possible, the best I can...God will have to do the rest.

Survival Mode

Sorry I have been MIA. Cross country season (I coach) started two weeks ago and that means running two times daily, and then keeping house, tending to Tuks, pets, and of course getting rest. When the CC season is going we are basically on survival mode, and starting next week, school starts and that means at minimum 10 hour days for us until the end of October. So what I am trying to say is that you may not see as many consistent posts as you have before, but then hopefully I will get back to more regular posts come November. This is also the reason of why there are still no new photos.

Yesterday we met to talk about Tuki's Birth to 3 evaluations. Basically, she scored at age level or higher in every area, except expressive language (talking), which is at the 15 month mark. This of course is no surprise to me because this is why I had her evaluated. She was at age level and higher on her receptive language (understanding), fine motor and gross motor skills, hearing etc. They also informed me that most parents don't have their children evaluated until they are around 2 years old for a language problem, and since I was "proactive" (their words) in getting her tested, it leaves me some room to let her attempt to develop on her own. Thereby, since the next two months will be nuts, and she isn't two yet, I have decided to wait until she does turn 2 (end of November) and if I don't see these changes:

1. real quick word imitation
2. about 100 word vocabulary
3. putting two words together

then I will start speech and language therapy. I figure what will it hurt..nothing, and if anything it will give her (and me) more confidence to try new words.

What is interesting to me is that she is behind in her expressive language --5 months, which is exactly the same amount of time she was in Guatemala hearing Spanish. I wonder if there is any correlation. She is so gosh darn observant, and really studies things that I wonder if she started picking up the Spanish language, at least a little, and then coming home to me, who knows no Spanish and speaks no Spanish..it just may have set her back. I know that doesn't happen with all children adopted internationally, but I can't help but notice the similar span in months...

Next week several moms will be traveling to Haiti to pick up their kids from the same O as Panda. How exciting!!!.

As far as Panda's adoption process...well it is basically sitting at a stand still for various reasons and I have been told by different people next week, next week etc., onto IBSER..BUT the weeks keep coming and going with no change. So I won't be talking about it much until we are in to the next stage, because basically I am just WAY TOO frustrated to say much...You know the old saying, "if you can't say anything good or nice, say nothing at all"....

Adoption Talk with Tuks

So how do I talk about adoption with Tuks and only being nearly 21 months old.

The way I have done it thus far, and it is by no means the best way, but it works for Tuks. I sing to her... I sing her full name and then finish in tune "was adopted from Guatemala". Then I talk about various aspects of that.

Real quick snip its.

Like:
adoption means....
your birth mom's name is ....
Guatemala is located in central America..and if I still have her attention then I show her it on the globe.
you grew in her tummy....
she placed you for adoption because ....
Then I go back to singing her name etc., it is all fun and full of laughing, wrestling, throwing balls..very light and joyful.

and what does she do when I sing, well she dances to the song of course...

I also read her adoption books several times each week.

So far, it has been working like a charm......but then again she is not even 21 months yet.

One of those days.

All is well on Haiti!!!! Thanks for the prayers.





It has been raining for two days straight in our neck of the woods. The dogs are getting restless since they usually spend between 6 - 7 hours in the outdoor pen. But, they don't like rain..yes I know they are spoiled, so they have been indoors more than out. Tuks is crabby because it is dark and gloomy, and she is adjusting to the new schedule, so she clings to my legs whenever the mood grabs her and well sMurph is just the same, yowling at me at all times, especially when we are sleeping.

So this morning, with all these warm bodies seeking my attention for some sort of relief of their perceived needs, I am getting ready for church. I am almost finished, dressed and groomed, and then I look in the mirror and there it is...a big glob of white toothpaste sitting on the chest of my clean and ironed shirt!!!! You know what I did, yep, I just washed it off, and went to church with a wet spot since I didn't want to start dressing all over again....it is just one of those days.

Caribbean Hurricane Dean

The path and location of Hurricane Dean....please pray for the people of affected by this Hurricane!!!!!!!!!

Copied from Weather.com

Hurricane Dean underwent a good deal of strengthening on Friday and Friday night. Dean began the day as a category 2, 100-mile-per-hour hurricane; it ended the day at a category 4, 150-mile-per-hour major hurricane. Further strengthening is forecast over the next few days as Dean moves through the warm waters of the Caribbean Sea.

As of 8 pm (Eastern time), Dean was located near 16.1 North, 70.2 West, which is about 405 miles east-southeast of Kingston, Jamaica, and about 165 miles south-southwest of Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic. Maximum sustained winds are near 150 miles per hour. Dean is moving to the west near 17 miles per hour.

The outer periphery of Dean is impacting the southern coast of the island of Hispaniola (the island on which Haiti and the Dominican Republic are located) and Puerto Rico, but Dean will more forcibly impact Jamaica and the Cayman Islands Sunday morning into Monday. Dean could be the strongest hurricane to strike Jamaica since 1950. Stronger than Hurricane Gilbert in 1988 which was a category three when it crossed the island from end to end.

By Monday night and Tuesday, the Yucatan Peninsula of Mexico will feel impacts from Hurricane Dean. Resort areas of Cancun and Cozumel should be getting ready for this powerful hurricane.

A hurricane warning is in effect for the south coast of the Dominican Republic from Barahona west to the Haiti/Dominican Republic border. In Haiti, the warning runs from the border to Port-Au Prince.

A hurricane warning is now in effect for Jamaica.

A hurricane watch has been issued for the Cayman Islands.

A tropical storm warning is in effect for the south coast of the Dominican Republic from Cabo Engano westward to Barahona, the coast of Haiti from Port-Au Prince north to the Haiti/Dominican Republic border and eastern Cuba, from the province of Camaguey eastward to the province of Guantanamo.

Remember that watches mean that conditions are possible within 36 hours; warnings mean that conditions are expected within 24 hours.

In the Western Pacific, Typhoon Sepat has emerged off of the west coast of Taiwan and is heading into the east coast of China. Maximum sustained winds were near 75 miles per hour at 5pm (Eastern time). More flooding rains could impact eastern China as the storms slams ashore with heavy torrential rain.

The Eastern Pacific is quiet, with the exception of some disorganized showers and thunderstorms in the vicinity of and south of Cabo San Lucas.

An Analogy

I have been thinking about this analogy for some time. I am going to attempt to explain it, and if you don't understand what I am attempting to say, then please email me, but please no flames.

Imagine there is a boy, named Johnny. Johnny is a wonderful boy, social, athletic, super kind and nice etc., He posses all incredible character traits, but also to be human he has a few negative ones as well. He also possess a physical trait that causes others to look at him in sympathy. You see Johnny is blind. Yet, Johnny's other senses has adapted to the loss of his sight, and they have become stronger, and basically filled in the niche that his sight would have fulfilled in obtaining direction, and making sense of his surrounding world. At a glance, you wouldn't even notice he was blind, and Johnny and his family doesn't see his blindness anymore, but to anyone NOT in his family, the first thing they may notice is that Johnny can't see, and they feel sorry for Johnny. Poor Johnny he can't see the flowers, sunset etc., the list could on and on. Yet, Johnny and his family don't feel like they are poor, don't need or want to be pitied, because they have had the opportunity to experience the world in a completely different way than if they had all their sight. Plus they are stronger and more blessed because of it. They consider themselves fortunate to have this opportunity to experience the world in a completely different way than most other people.

OK, I hope you see my point here.

Now, take this same analogy and apply it to adoption. We, adoptive family's have compensated for the missing biological link by working hard and making attachments, love, bonding, and memories. We work so hard at it, to the point we don't notice the niche that was once occupied through the biological link. It doesn't exist anymore. It has been filled in. So, we walk around usually not cognisant of this fact after a time. Yes, in the beginning, during the process of adoption, and then initially once they are home, we focus on it. But over time, it becomes a non-issue, and just casual, normal conversation unless our children want to talk about it in more depth.

For me, I do not, and have stopped seeing the differences and all I see are how we are the same. We are family, and yet, when others look at us, they may still see the ....... family that has adopted kid(s). We don't notice, and perhaps that is all they notice, hopefully just at first, but then in time, hopefully they won't see the differences, but rather the sameness in our family. We lack nothing, and if anything we are able to see the world in a wonderful and beautiful, and yes a different way, yet a strong family. Nothing is missing, and if anything we are stronger for it, and I feel more blessed for this opportunity to see the world in a different, more beautiful, and miraculous way.

Summer is over!!

Today was the first day of cross country running practice. There are over 90 girls that are signed up for the team. This means summer is officially over for me and Tuks since we will be practicing twice a day for the next two weeks. I will be tired!! The neat thing is that Tuks gets to come to the evening practices, so she is surrounded by teenage girls that just adore her and dote on her. Most of my students and past athletes know that she became my daughter through adoption, and I think she is a bit of celebrity because of it. No, they don't talk about it in front of her, they just get all excited to see her. Of course who can deny the cute factor that surrounds her as well.

I can hardly wait until Panda can experience this type of positive attention.

I received some pictures of Panda after some adoptive parents returned from visiting their daughter. Panda looked VERY sad, shy and I really don't think the orphanage life agrees with her. Some kids do well in the O, some not so much. It seems like according to the pictures that I receive, the longer she is there, the more sad she appears in photos. She has been at the O since early May. That breaks my heart, and I long for her to come home to her forever family so that she can get the love and attention, and permanent family she so craves. I miss her, and already my paperwork has hit two snags and it is only still in the first stage. I guess we are suppose to hear something soon that we will enter IBSER any day. But when, oh when. My paperwork has been in first legal for 9 1/2 weeks when it was only suppose to take 4 to 6 weeks. I realize the long wait is due to the attorney taking a month vacation,
and I realize that she will be home in the perfect time, God's timing, but oh I struggle sometimes and I really miss her.....

I am hoping with my schedule getting busier, time will pass quickly, and before I know it, I will be traveling to bring her home.............I hope time passes quickly for her too..

Not all the citizens of Africa

are black, and not all black people in the world are from Africa. Take my daughter Panda for an example, she is Haitian. Yes, at one time her ancestors were from some country in Western Africa, but I bet if you ask her what her nationality is, she'd say Haitian. Also consider the population of African Americans in the USA.
Many can also trace their ancestry back to some country in Africa, but I'd lay money on the fact that many AA would say they are USA citizens, and they'd be right.

Heck, We can all proudly trace our ancestry back to some other country, and we also proudly state we are USA citizens. Pride due to where we have come from and pride as to where we are.

I say this because I think as adoptive parents of trans-racial children we need to be clear in that whenever we talk about the CONTINENT of Africa, we distinguish between each of the countries of Africa. Here, in the good ole USA (and I do believe it is good), Africa is usually talked about as though it is a homogeneous group of people that all belong and live in the same country, rather than a continent. We distinguish other countries in our conversation; such as I say Tuks was born in Guatemala, I don't say Central America. Why, because I know that Guatemala is a country of it's own with different languages, laws, customs, and religions than other countries in central America.

It is the same among the different countries of Africa. This may seem a insignificant detail, but somewhere deep inside me, I think we label the continent of Africa, like a country, because there is the racist, or prejudiced, or uneducated thought that "they all look and act a like, don't they", so what is the big deal. Please enlighten me if you think I am wrong.

I happen to think it is a big deal, and if we hope to pave the path of respect, and break down boundaries based on color, and instill pride in our children, their cultures and their heritage, then I think we need to start with how we see the world, and one way is to recognize that Africa is made of many countries, and each country is distinctively different than another located within the same continent. The citizens of Africa believe it enough to war and die over their differences.

That fact alone should convince us.

Please take no offense over this post, just expressing my opinions to the blog world.

WHY????

The last few days have been tough on me. I have a lot of personal gunk floating around in my brain that needs sorting out. I am not my usual happy self and that bothers me a lot. I tend not to blog when I am struggling, because just like in my daily life, I also think my blogger friends don't want to hear whine, irritation and complaining.

It requires much energy to stay upbeat in front of others when you are feeling anything but that, so I stay away or just plaster a smile on and keep moving.

But I have decided to share some of my thoughts. Beware, you may not like what you read.

1. Why does the adoption process take so long?
2. Why does each step have it's hang-ups?
3. Why am I so set on wanting to parent three children?
4. Can I wait 4 more years for the third child?
5. Will there be countries open to singles in 4 years?
6. How will my finances stay afloat during CC season, with paying for daycare,
Tuki's babysitter during meets, and Panda's adoption?
7. Why is it that the people who have much money have no desire to adopt and care
for more children, while there are those people with minimal money want to care
for many children?
8. Why does my van break down when I am coming into the fall, when my finances are
tighter than any other time of the year?
9. Why do I always feel like I am on the "outside" looking in.
10. Why aren't my gourds producing female flowers, thus gourds this year?
11. How come so many people think only of themselves, and won't put themselves out
for others?
12. Why do I like to blog when I receive so much flak for it from those closest to
me?
13. Why do I let M's lack of effort in coming to my aid, make me feel worthless, when
I know he could never and can never be counted on? It is just who he is and not
a reflection on me.
14. Why am I so restless sometimes?
15. What makes me think I am capable of parenting children of different races?
16. Why does the color of skin matter???

Here is my big why question: this is one of the reasons why I am on the outside looking in.

17. Why do parents allow their kids to take frogs and turtles, and other critters from their natural setting and drag them home, and then let them die? They say no to other things, why not no to destroying another organism's life. And I'm sorry it DOES not make a funny story. A child just destroyed another's life. What possible lesson could these kids be learning except that it is OK to abuse another life just because they don't see, the parents don't see value in it.. It that such a big leap from other humans not valuing people of other color just because they don't see value in them? There are many studies stating that kids that abuse animals could someday be abusive to other people. Yet, parents, everyday, everywhere, (I have read about it in the blog world numerous times, and recently witnessed it at our local river)) allow their kids to capture and eventually kill animals just because they are "feared", "ugly", "wet", "slimy", "not considered important", "want to take it home". I have much more I could say, but I'll just leave at this for now.

Why is this OK????

I'd really like to know.................. God created all things and he considered them good, why can we abuse them or allow them to be abused just because our kids like to catch them and bring them home. My dad always use to say to me. "Don't treat another living thing any differently than you want to be treated"

I know some reading this may think this is an inconsequential topic, but remember our kids catch our values, and if we don't value all life, then how are we going to teach them to value all life, no matter the species, breed, or color.

If they (all organisms) were created and born by God, they are of value, they are good............

organism = anything that is alive...remember I am a science teacher, therefore I am compelled to teach........

Swimming in Extreme Cuteness

We had a jam packed weekend and it's not even over yet.

First I'd like to yeah WaHoo for three other families adopting children at the same orphanage as Panda. They should be traveling at the end of August to pick their kids up after a loooooooooonnnnnnnnnnngggggggg wait. It is exciting to see as they are the first children that I have seen come home from the O that I am working with. There has been a Haitian government hold-up that literally held up 300-400 children from many O's from coming home, since January 2007. It is starting to move again...

On Thursday I took Tuks for her first ever movie in the theatre. It was a great deal. The theatre held a children's day, and the movie was $2.50 for me, and free for her since she is under two. Then on top of that, they also gave each of us a free small bag of buttered popcorn. What a deal!!! I never knew things like this existed. We plan to go again next week since she did so well. The movie was "Charlotte's Web" with Dakota Fanning. One of my all time favorite stories.

Then Friday night, my family came over for my birthday. It was real sweet of them, plus it was a blast for me to watch Tuki and her cousin N play together. The older Tuks gets, the better they play. They truly enjoy each other's company. You know how sometimes you have this image how you desire things to be and work out. Well when I was adopting Tuki, I had hoped, not requested, just hoped in my heart that my child, whomever they would be, would be close in age to N, so that they could enjoy each other's company. Well with Tuki's referral and then watching those two play, it is like the reality is better than what I ever imagined. They are 1 year and 9 days apart in age.

Then this morning, we went to another local fair. My sister, BIL, cousin N, and Tuks and me. It was a fun time as usual. The girls did great, saw many animals, went on rides, and enjoyed free children activities sponsored by various local groups.

Just to note my niece has been edited out of the pictures, to keep her identity hidden, per her parent's request. You will just have to imagine how cute those two are together, because believe me, they are CUTE!!


Tuks playing footsie with cousin N.






















Tuks and cousin N on the bumble bee ride.



Swimming in corn....and cuteness of course!!!!!!!!!!!




African Pgymy goat and her kid. The kid was no bigger than a rat terrier dog.


Baby Bunnies..........ohh so hugable, but for good reason they didn't let us hold them



Tuks and Cousin N on the Truck Merry-go-round.



Uncle W, tickling Tuks to extreme pleasure!!!

Time for a Vote

First Hibiscus of the summer opened up last night!!!!!!! I love these!!!



I attempted a photo shoot of Tuks in her dress. It didn't go well, actually it went very badly. The two photos below are the best of the lot, and they aren't that great. Which one should I send to Panda..Picture 1 or Picture 2.


Picture #1






















Picture #2

Happy Birthday

to me, and in the spirit of keeping track of Tuki's age in months, I will reveal that I am 528 months old!!!!!!!!


Or in other words I am getting older with each passing minute, but I am not complaining. I have always thought that to truly enjoy life a person should embrace their age every year, and every birthday is important!!!

So today is a great day and Tuks and I will spend quality time together, and then tomorrow my family will come over for celebration, since we have an informational cross country meeting that needs to be attended tonight.

Also Happy Birthday to my childhood friend B. We share the same birthday. Both Leos, both fire signs..

Requesting opinions ---don't be shy!!

I am sending Panda a little gift package. A kind parent, who will bringing her two daughters home SOON, has offered to bring it to Haiti with her.



doll holding a stuffed dog


I am sending her 2 short/shirt outfits and 1 dress, and a doll. I noticed when I showed her the family album of photos that I left behind that she likes dolls and she is afraid of dogs. So I am also sending the doll holding a stuffed dog.

Now here is the question...I'm torn on this. I also purchased Tuki the same dress, I just thought it was so pretty.
Should I take a picture of Tuks in it, have it enlarged and laminated and then state something about your sister Tuki is waiting for you to come to America. My thoughts are that the same dress might help make her feel more connected to us. But what do others think... could it cause a different reaction??

Remember Panda is 3 1/2 years old. Her age may make a difference in your thoughts....

Tagged by a MEME for me me

I have been tagged by Cloudscome (link on side) with a anti-racist parent meme..

first time I have ever been tagged a meme for me me..

By the way what is a Meme???

1. I am:
German and Russian from my dad's side and Irish, and Welsh on my mom's side.

2. My kids are:
Tuki (20 months), is Guatemalan, and are descended from the Mayan and Spanish. Panda (3 1/2 years),is Haitian, and still is in Haiti. Haitians descended from the western Africa during the slave trade.

3. I first started thinking more about race, culture, and identity when:
I remember thinking about it quite young. It was Elvis Presley's song "In the Ghetto" that would and still does have a profound effect on me. I would think how all babies are born innocent and with "clean slates" and then depending on the color of their skin, who their parents are/were and where they are born they all grow up to be different people. None of it is their choice. It use to make me very sad, wishing I could do something about this great "injustice".

Another incident that impacted me was in 1985, I was living in Mississippi for the summer, and I was standing in a check out line at a gas station. There was a black woman standing in line before me, but the cashier (white) turned to me and said she could help me now, and I said "Thank you, but she is in line before me, I will wait until after you have helped her" . I remember the black woman just stood there silently the whole time this interaction went on. I had the feeling it wasn't the first time she was treated so rudely.

Of course over my expanse of the life it has grown to the point where I am now growing my family through adoption and with children of different races. It will continue to be much more fore front of an issue then ever before.

4. People think my name is:
Chris..people always think I look like a Chris..........

5. The family tradition I most want to pass on is:
That even though they may fall down, or are pushed down, they will pick themselves back up and go at "it", whatever it is again. Success comes with the price of many failures...

6. The family tradition I least want to pass on is:
Thinking we are "right" all the time, and trying to talk over each other when trying to prove our point.

7. My child’s first word in English was:
Tuki: Mama, and Panda: I'm not sure yet, and I am excited to find out one day.

8. My child’s first non-English word was:
Not sure for either, since both had a different first language than English.
Tuki's first language is Spanish, and Panda's first language is Creole


9. The non-English word/phrase most used in my home is:
"Te amo me cielo", "I love you my sky" to Tuks every night when I put her to bed.


10. One thing I love about being a parent is:
Watching them grow and learn new things.

11. One thing I hate about being a parent is:
Not knowing if I am doing the right thing, and the responsibility of their lives and protection in my hands.

12. To me, being an anti-racist parent means:
I can’t say it any better than what Carmen and Cloudscome already said: “It means that I never stop working on myself. I want to keep reading, writing, learning, and reflecting so that I can be the best role-model and influence I can be to my future children.” I want to be open to always learning and growing, watching the world become better.

I also want to add, that I want to be open about all topics in discussing any issue that the kids may encounter, and teach them be be proud of themselves, accept how others may seem them differently, and yet still be open to how others are different than they are. I think to be open-minded about most views, even if they don't agree, they can still be accepting, as long it is not down right mean and cruel.

I don't know how to tag anyone else, so if you would like to participate, let me know and I'll come over and read yours too.