Beta - the middle- My girls

I’m not sure where to start with this post simply because so many thoughts are racing through my mind. These thoughts are then mingled with returning to Tuks who has been letting me know in no uncertain terms that I was gone far too long. She was an angel at her caregivers while gone, but then has a little each day totally fell apart at the littlest things since I have been home. She even said to me, “I missed you and I love you” within an hour of picking her up. Not typical comments from her.

The trip to Haiti was amazing on so many levels. First I had the opportunity to meet, travel and spend time with three other adoptive moms, Mrs. K, Small town girl and another damn Yankee, like myself, Mama J. It was unreal to me how previous to this trip we had never met, but have only read each others’ posts and blogs, and yet it was like in many ways we knew each other, felt comfortable in being ourselves and just had a good time and was also supportive of each other.

Secondly, this was my second time in Haiti, and the familiarity of the airport, the hotel, the staff, and the crèche made it almost feel like I was returning home. I know odd, but true. This trip was one week shy of one year of my trip there last year.

Thirdly, my time spent with the girls. I was so anxious to observe them and to begin to attempt to figure out “who” they were. Now this may sound odd, and you may be thinking how could I get a sense of them in only 2 1/2 days. I believe with my years of being a teacher and meeting 5 classes of 30 new kids in each class each year, as well as my years working with animals that are non-verbal, I have become quite intuitive about people and their needs. I have had many teachers and parents comment on my uncanny ability to “read” a person.

So anyway, in spending time with my girls, I would like to share what I have observed thus far:



As for Panda, whom I am now forever going to change her codename to “Ve” is quite a fireball. She is HUNGRY for a Mama. Most of the time she clung to me. I say most because when she would get upset with something I would request of her, she had a time or two gone “Mama shopping”. Yet she also knew that I was her Mama Aves, their term for me. She is extremely kinesthetic, happy, emotions worn on her sleeve little girl. She feels what she is feeling intensely. She also seems to be the “low man” on the totem pole at the crèche, so I could tell that she may be excluded from activities and may be left to observe from the sidelines. This is also why she has acquired the habit of yelling, hitting, and pushing if anyone grabs an item from her hand, or she spots an item she wants from someone else. I noticed she is an avid nail biter, probably a year older than what her birth certificate states and definitely needs to be dewormed once she arrives home. I also noticed she tends to be afraid to try new things, but will give it a chance if she observes the older kids doing it. She so wants to belong to someone, but I think is unsure of how to go about it. She felt comfortable enough with me, that she had a major meltdown on Sunday night. She did learn some English words, more specifically names of the family members, but other than that she did not show any interest in learning puzzles, letters, numbers etc., I could not form a reason as to why this may be the case. Is she too young developmentally, is she having problems with learning, or is she just too energetic to have an interest in abstract things. I don’t know, but I am certain we will figure it out once she is home. Lastly, I am already crazy about this kid. She will fit in perfectly with Tuks and me!!!



Cheetah, whom also has a new codename of Mim, is a quiet, deep well of emotions. She has learned to keep her thoughts and emotions in check deep within her soul. All, and I mean all the kids look to her, defer to her and include her in everything they do or have. She is industrious, sensitive, helper, and definitely has taken on more of a Mama role rather than a child role with the younger kids. She is also independent. She is sweet beyond belief, but I couldn’t help but wonder if she has learned to be on her best behavior so that she won’t be rejected. Only once did I see her exert her desire with me, and that was when she wanted me to purchase a necklace from a vendor. She is a picky eater, doesn’t like any vegetables in any form, and loves to learn. She was asking me constantly what things were called. She LOVES, LOVES, LOVES to swim. She obviously has had experience with this activity before. She hoards things. By the end of the trip, the toys and such that I brought for Ve and Mim, were not so evenly divided anymore. Mim had twice the amount of things than what Ve had. I believe she may need glasses, one of her teeth needs to be capped, and she is way older than I had been originally told; yet she is developmentally many years younger. Thus far, I don’t know exactly what I will do about her education because of this age difference, and I am a little concerned as to how much older she is compared to Tuks and Ve. I will have my hands full and constantly be checking myself with asking her to help, which she does willingly, and allowing her to be the child she is. It will be interesting. She definitely knew I was HER Mama Aves. I didn’t notice any Mama shopping and she seemed devoted to me. I was concerned as to how little attention I could give her compared to Ve, but in the end it seemed like she had formed an attachment to me, and the idea that I was her future Mama. I can honestly say I fell deeply in love with this child on this trip, and I think vice versa, which may make this waiting feel twice as long for both of us.