The Eve of A Monumental Day

May 11, 2006

Ok, we are on the eve of our one year anniversary of Owl permanently be placed in my arms and my life forever. I celebrated by mowing 1/2 my lawn, after Tuki and I spent a wonderful evening together releasing leopard frogs, wood frogs, toads, spring peepers, green frogs and a tree frog (long story) and then just chillin together. Her eye opened up a little yesterday and now today it is almost 100%. It had been a fantastic 1 year. I was flying into Guatemala by myself on this day and arriving at 10:30pm and then escorted to the Marriott by the hotel's van. I remember how warm the air felt on my skin as I waited for the driver to make sure he didn't forget anyone at the airport. It ended up that I was the only guest arriving that evening. I checked in and fell asleep because the foster mom was coming the next day with Owl.

Purpose for Everything

What Good Are Mosquito's???
They are huge food source for songbirds, bats and dragonflies..so I really don't hate them, we (me & Skylar) just have to learn to love bug dope on a daily basis....

Thank you for your concern over Tuki's reaction. I should clarify what I meant when I said that the Dr. said nothing could be done. He meant nothing, but daily application of bug dope, to prevent an allergic reaction in the future. I wanted a drug that would prevent any sort of reaction from occurring at all, ever again. I guess there is no such miracle drug. This current one, over the eye is about the fifth time she has had one since she came home last May. All the others have been behind her ears, or on her limbs. The first time I saw it happen was when she was 9 months old. My Ped recommended putting her on a low dose of Claratin to prevent it from occurring in the future, ever again. You see I wanted something easy. So since April she has been taking a low dose each morning. But as you can see it didn't help. So this time, a new Dr., also well respected and well liked switched her to Benadryl, 1 tsp four times daily while she is swollen and yes she is also on oral antibiotics three times each day. He also prescribed hydrocortizine to put on a new bite to hopefully prevent the swelling. But I can't use it now because the one over her eye is now an open wound that is oozing a little. Good thing, because it hasn't gotten any worse and her attitude is good which leads me to believe that she feels better.

This new Dr and I were talking and wondering why, with Owl being born in Guatemala, a tropical country, that her genes passed down from her ancestors haven't adapted to resist the bug bite toxin. It makes me think that her genes have adapted over time for the toxin in the bugs found in Guatemala, but the toxin in the bugs found in the northern Midwest must be different thereby causing this reaction. I can't help but think with these severe reactions that eventually her body will have the antibodies to resist the new strain of toxin. I hope my thinking is correct.

There were twin girls with sickle cell anemia needing a home from the same orphanage where Hawk resides. They have thankfully found a home, but their illness led me to research why sickle cell anemia was so prevalent in the black population but not in other ethnic populations. So this is what I found out..
Malaria, a deadly disease carried in mosquito's found in the tropics, kill millions of individuals each year. Well it has been discovered that over time the black (more melanin in the skin to protect from the direct sun rays) population which originated near the tropics, that had the disease sickle cell anemia, were more resistant to Malaria, thereby surviving to pass on those genes to their off-spring... and then of course through immigration and emigration, and also unfortunately slavery sickle cell anemia is now found through out the world where ever you find populations of black people. Interesting isn't it. It was once an advantage to have this illness, but now a great disadvantage.

We Stayed Home

This is her this morning. Notice the swelling in the "good eye".

The swelling has creeped over into her other eye now. I fear she will wake from her nap with both eyes swelled shut. I actually want it to start oozing so that the swelling goes down. She is also actually a little grouchy today. The first I have seen a mood change since this all began. Her toddling is real off balance too. Suffice to say..she is a mess.

You Should See the Other Guy

This is her yesterday afternoon.


This is her this morning.


This is her tonight.


..I wish the other guy looked as bad as Tuki does. So this morning her face was all swelled up from the mosquito bite. I took her to daycare and then called the Dr's and made an appointment for this afternoon. Before I left school my daycare provider called to tell me that her eye was now completely swollen shut....remember she also has another oozing bug bite behind her right ear.

So we see the Dr., and guess what...there is NOTHING..NOTHING that can be done for her reactions..no miracle drug to prevent the swelling and then eventually oozing. No she is just a kid that happens to have SEVERE reactions to bug bites because of her age and thin skin. He thinks she should grow out of it by the time she is around 3 when kid's skin starts thickening up......I guess I have to keep her sprayed 24/7 when outside..because remember I live next to a mosquito nursery. My water table is 1/2 to 1 1/2 feet below ground level. It doesn't take much to cause standing water..incubators for mosquito nymphs. Of all my worries prior to her coming home, for some reason this just wasn't on my radar....

I was also surprised by my reaction to when I saw her swollen eye. First I smiled a little and then I welled up with tears. I felt so bad for her, and my gosh I have never felt this depth of love for anyone or anything before. Just that feeling alone wore me out. It is so hard to grow and become a better person that lives and breathes based on the happiness of a little Tuki....

By the way she was also 27 1/4 lbs (90%) and 33 1/4 inches (100%) at 17 mos. and 1 week. Does that make her too heavy????? Should I worry about this too??? Can you tell I am a first time Mom??? I am going to ask about changing her from whole milk to 2% at her 18 month appointment. She loves her milk!!!!!

You know I usually am so much more rational than I have been the last few weeks..maybe I am entering menopause, or maybe God is healing me from my frozen state and I am feeling more emotions than I have in a VERY LLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG time.

The Lady in Red........

is my niece M, the autocross racer.

We had a jammed packed weekend. First, Friday night I had a huge panic attack about the adoptions of Hawk and Katiana. Hawk, because I really need to make sure his malnourished state didn't cause any long term cognitive damage. I am hoping my mind will be put at rest during my visit in June. Plus several adoptive mothers are visiting the orphanage in May and they may be able to report any news about him back to me. Secondly, I panicked because Of Katiana's age, but all my fears concerning her have been laid to rest. I think it just built up on me because of sheer exhaustion from the week and no one to hash it over with. Don't worry, I'm OK now.

On Saturday my sister, her daughter and me and Owl went to our local annual Cultural Festival. It was nice, but over-crowded. It is becoming so popular that I think the organizers need to find a new place to hold it. Too many people in too small place causes stress to all. One really great find was directions to make a pinata. I'd like to do this for Tuki in a few years for her birthday. There was a booth for Guatemala, but none for Haiti.

Then today after church, we (Owl & me, my sister and her daughter, and my brother, M's father, and his friend) went to my niece's autocross race that was 50 miles west of my town. I had to leave church a little early so that we could make it in time to watch her first heat. The little girls did well for losing out on their nap times. Owl napped in the van both ways, but it only equalled 1 hour total. She also had a bugger of a weekend injury wise. She reacts REALLY bad to insect bites. They swell, and then ooze and pus for days. I basically live near a mosquito nursery (not really, but you know what I mean). Her pediatrician recommend a low dose of Claratin daily to help alleviate the problem. Well it isn't helping too well. I will have to recheck other options at her 18 month Dr. appointment. Plus Tuki fell and hit her head on an end table so now she has 1 mosquito bite over her left eye, one blood blister/bruise under her left eye and a bug reaction behind her right ear. POOR KID!!! But still smiley as ever............



M and her other baby. The first is her puppy Evo of course. She bought this car just to race with.

We saw one engine start on fire and two cars smash into the walls. Exciting day!!

At the starting line.


And she takes off!!!


Rounding a corner, and half-way through the course

Mommy and Tuki moment!!


The little ones playing.

Mommy is Cool!!

Birdhouse Gourds my first year growing them. This is before they dry out.

Wow, finally this week is over. I haven't felt myself for most of it, waking up with headaches on a daily basis. Plus it has been a week of finishing a major project with all my classes. That is always fun. NOT!! The kids don't realize how much they have to do in so little time once you put that deadline out there. So there is usually a lot of stress that builds up due to the impending "due date". Not to mention the fantastic weather and everyone just wants to be outside!!!

Yeah, this outside thing... I managed to do every night with walks and yard work and play time. I even started mowing my lawn for the first time this year. I say started because it takes me 1 1/2 hours to mow the lawn, even though I have several large gardens in it. I try to mow it once Skylar is in bed.

Last night was great. I think I passed a Mommy test!! I was planting my gourds (which by the way I think I have lost another plant in the transition, now down to 4), and Owl discovered the big planter that the gourds were in while they were growing in the house. The planter contained dirt and water = MUD. Well Tuki thought it was a great discovery. I watched her at first and wrestled with the idea of stopping her from the impending mess..but I stopped myself, and remembered what it was like as a child and the fun of just getting "into" whatever was before me. So I let her play, I kept planting and then I started weeding for a time, while continuing to check on her. She was so into playing with the mud, and the little arbors, and straws...she never even noticed my presence. Finally I decided I was done for the night and I went to get Tuki so that we could get ready for bed and then I really saw her...She was mud from head to toe, her one leg was mud up to her knees,and it appeared she had consumed some. I just started laughing at her... It was so funny and then she tipped her head back and she also started laughing a real hearty belly laugh. I think I just passed a "Mommy is Cool" test....we went into the house, I cleaned her up, and she immediately fell asleep...it was a good day.

My Parents- A GREAT Legacy

December 31, 2006. Family and friends in attendance the day Owl was dedicated to the Lord.

I have been gaining strength in my decision from my parents and God. Yes, I know my parents are deceased, but I have been thinking a lot about their life, and our (me & siblings) life with them. They always thought BIG, at least Dad did and then he convinced Mom to embrace his dream as well. I must mention here that my Mom died when she was 50 due to a 15 year battle with cancer, I was 20 going on 21, then my Dad died nine years later of a massive heart attack when he was 58, and I was 29 going on 30. So I have technically been alive longer without my Mom in it then I was with her in it. That is a little weird to think about. But they left me with a great legacy.

At times like this, when I do ruminate about their lives I see two people who worked hard, helped out anyone who needed an extra hand, or home, loved God, believed in honesty and keeping their word no matter what it cost them. If they promised, they delivered. For example, they were people who woke without complaining in the middle of the night for a complete stranger if they needed to get a pull from a ditch, or hired a blind man because he couldn't get work elsewhere, or brought people home for dinner if they just recently moved in the area and didn't have any friends close by. They also raised 5 kids whose ages were within a 10 year span. When they bought the farm I grew up on, it was rather small, but over the years, and again hard work it eventually became a 500 acre, 100 cow dairy farm. I remember my Dad saying that when he started making progressive changes to the farm, the local neighbors would "nay say" his projects and then say he was crazy. They also, said it would never be possible to reach what he had envisioned. Guess what, the dream became a reality, and eventually people all around respected them and what they stood for. I find strength in that. I feel empowered to embark on this new journey of mothering three children because I saw my parents do the same exact thing well before I ever thought of doing something that feels so right, yet frightening and yes I know difficult too. The other day, my best friend and sister asked me what I was planning for their college, and I just laughed, and said "right now all I am thinking about is the attaching process strategies, there will always be time to plan for their college. First I want to work on becoming a family."

I also think BIG. I know where I get it from. If I can envision it, I work towards it. But, lately I have also been spending alot of time in prayer, and on my knees asking God for the wisdom, resources, strength, and guidance to raise these kids as he has planned for them. Stepping out in faith has put me literally and figuratively on my knees before God seeking him, just him for his strength. Do I think this is God's will, you bet, he wants all his children to want him and seek him and I am now again doing just that after too many years of thinking I can do it all on my own. My parents couldn't do it alone and neither can I. A GREAT legacy indeed!!!!

Thank you Mom and Dad, you were the best!!!!