On Sunday Ve decided that she wanted to wear her hair in a fro this week. I said OK, especially since I think she is absolutely gorgeous when she wears it this way.
I knew from my experience in the schools that other kids would attempt to feel her hair. I told her she can say "Please don't touch my hair"
Well this am, Ve was having a moody morning. Didn't want to wear anything I suggested, or eat her cereal etc.,
Then out of the blue she also stated that she wanted me to style her hair with like 15 minutes before we left for school. I of course, said that we didn't have time this morning, but if she wanted it styled we would do it tonight. I then asked her why she now wanted it styled when just two days ago she was more than excited to leave it natural.
Ve said: "Taylor said my hair was crazy"
I said: "Your hair is not crazy, but actually it is very beautiful"
Ve smiled
I then said "You will have to wear it natural today, but if you want it styled, we can do it tonight". I naturally stated many more times how beautiful she and her hair is.
I of course am irritated that this type of behavior, making Ve feel less than beautiful just because she has different features than the majority, from the other kids is already starting.
I feel that the majority white population suppresses and sends the message that in order to be OK, "fit in", your hair must be straight and as light as possible. I happen to think my daughters are knock dead gorgeous, and if others can't see that, than it is their loss. Now my job is to convince my daughters to have my view of themselves, for themselves.
I will have my work cut out for me.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
VerbalVe at Breakfast
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6 comments:
Amen to all of that. To having beautiful daughters, to the way the majority makes the rest feel, to having your work cut out for you. But you are a good mom and will handle it with grace. And by the way, I love Ve's hair au natural too. The Sunday/church pictures were precious.
Great job! I highly recommend books like "I Love My Hair" and I also tell G how her hair is happy and raises itself toward the sun and sky, and that's why it stands up, cuz it's so HAPPYYYYYYY!!!
course she's into hannah montana and all that stuff but now that she has locs it does hang more down than stand up, and we still have a natural style. it is challenging when many things about themselves are different from the "masses" that they see every day!
i am sure it will get more challenging later, for all of us! she will feel great when Mim comes home too and she will have someone to look up to :)
steph
Boy can I relate to the moody morning blues! I just wish we had enough communication to establish what the root of the problem is on any given occaision....but yeah, we've already gone thru the wanting to change hair at the last minute in no time flat...
your daughters ARE beautiful, and you're doing a great job!
I've had other kids make comments to all 3 of my children (1 white, 2 racially mixed) about their looks. It's difficult for any child to hear, but it is SO much more difficult when the child is a minority and doesn't look like anyone else. You're doing a great job there. Your girls are breathtakingly beautiful (you'll have a whole different sort of problem with it as they grow up and the boys start to realize that too), and I agree--Ve's hair au natural is fabulous. :)
Sarah C.
Your girls are beautiful, and I'm sorry Ve's feelings were hurt. I hope the other girl's parents will speak to her about the differences in people (if they even know about the comment).
Gage made a comment to me about a boy we saw with a deformed arm. It was not mean spirited, but more curious because he'd never seen anyone with a birth defect before. I am glad he waited until we were alone to tell me. I explained to him that people come in all shapes and sizes (and we've already talked about colors). I think it's the parents responsibility to teach children about these things. I keep hoping I handled it right!
In other news, we are fostering a son now, and hope to adopt him!
Suzanne
Ugh! Sorry. Medina came home from camp today and told me one of the little girls hated brown people. While it sounds, from the way Medina described it, that it was handled well by the teacher, I hat that she has to hear that.
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