Even further South-Haiti-part 1

Some children at the O

Now for the rest of the journey... second part of my story.

After attempting to sleep in the Ft. Lauderdale airport overnight, I flew into Haiti at 9:30 am on Sunday. Unfortunately I wasn't picked up from Walls until close to noon. They were very late, and by the time I left I was the only passenger, and then make that the only white person left standing trying to look cool and collected while close to 100 or so on-lookers stood just 30 feet away from me behind a railing. Many cab drivers were ever so helpful, offering to drive me, but I had to keep saying "no thank you" because I was advised NOT to take the cabs. This was the scariest part of the trip, after this, it was all smooth sailing in regards for safety and security. I had even attempted to call Walls, but found out when I arrived there, their phone was out for the day..just my luck.

Soon after Nicolson helped me settle in my room, I asked to be taken to the O, so that I could give them my tote of donations and let Marie know that I had arrived and if she could please let Hawk's mom know I was there. This was so she could arrange for him to come by the O. I went back to Walls, took a nap, in hopes of making up for the night before because I wanted to be feel energetic and clear minded for the next day.

The next morning we, N, L (N's 15 year old daughter), A (19 month old daughter that N was adopting) and I went to the O. Many kids were brought out and N handed out gifts for specific children that other aparents had sent. A little later, Hawk's mom arrived with Hawk. He was painfully skinny, maybe 10 - 11 pounds. I held him for a while, he cried when his Mom placed him into my arms, but then quickly stopped because I don't think he had much energy to keep up the resistance. I cuddled with him for awhile and then I changed my mindset to "Logical" and did the brief exam that my pediatrician said I should do to help determine his health and development. All he could do, was kind of sit, as long as my hand was at the base of his spine. Forget about cruising, he couldn't even bear any weight on his legs. The poor guy is 15 months old on July 5 and he was developmentally at maybe 6 - 7 months. His head circumference was 17 1/4" and my ped said minimally at his age should be 17 3/4". It was heart wrenching and I could tell the mom REALLY wanted him placed in a secure home with amble food and medical attention. This is when it became hard for me.

I thought about my active lifestyle, my single status, my daily responsibilities, 19 month old Tuki, the fact that depending on the time of year the adoption is completed I will at best get 3 1/2 months or as little as 12 weeks off of work. I just knew with Hawk's condition, and our family dynamics, that we were not the best fit for him, I know there is a "best fit", and according to many other aparents that these severally malnourished kids rebound and do very well...but it takes time, and alot of assistance when they first arrive home. I don't have a lot of extra available time, and I don't want to slight Tuki of her time either. Plus the unknown of what if he did sustain long term cognitive problems...would Tuki then be placed with the burden of taking care of him for the rest of her adult life..etc., OK you can see the way my mind was spinning. Plus, three other people at the O advised me not to pursue his adoption because he was still so sick. Their philosophy was .."when there are so many relatively healthy kids who do not have homes, why adopt a child that is very sick with no guarantees" Now this may sound cold, but please remember I was making a decision for my whole family and I had not allowed myself to really bond with him because I needed to stay logical..which for me, I tend to make decisions led with my heart, so it took alot of energy to stay in the decision making mode to lead with my mind.

We stayed at the O until around noon. It was then that I informed Marie that I could not continue with Hawk's adoption. I did ask her if there were other children at the O that did not have families, and she said yes, so I arranged for a time that I would return after dinner to come back and meet the other available children. So, until I returned, I was in a deep soul-searching frame of mind..........hoping I did the right thing for everyone. I pray that Hawk will become healthy and find a home.

Trip down South

Our trip consisted of two separate parts. The first involving the time in Louisiana, and the second in Haiti. While Tuki and I were in LA, we spent quality time with my brother and his family, drove to the Gulf coast and observed the damage from Hurricane Rita, did the swamp tour to see the alligators and just hung around their home swimming, caring for the horses, and relaxing. It was a good time as usual.

Tuki did OK on the plane ride down. Big mistake on my part was not spending the extra money for her own seat. By the time we arrived, she was relentless, overly tired and of course insecure in all the changes. She managed to settle down by the time I had to leave for Haiti, but she was never really herself due to the changes, her schedule was completely off while there, so she was usually tired, and not wanting to sleep, and of course the tantrums. I won't even go into the tantrum displays she had in the airport and on the the planes. I can fully appreciate the desire to stay home for the rest of the summer, because the trip threw her off quite a bit. I think it will take a few weeks to get her settled back into her regular routine. She was great with my family while I was in Haiti, but then yesterday she was showing me all kinds of anger behavior. I imagine because I had left her, and she didn't know why..poor thing. By the way, she turned 19 months old today.



Aunt D, Cousin E, Uncle J, Tuki and new member, Maltese puppy K on the swamp tour boat.


Another alligator...yep, we went to see them purposely......


Tuki and me (don't look at me too closely, all I wanted to do was stay cool in the hot, humid south) looking at an Alligator.











Uncle J and Tuki dancing to the great 80's.


















Cousin E swimming with Tuki.


Cousin E and Tuki..over the 10 days spent together these two developed a love/hate relationship..just like siblings would.


Tuki chomping in on her first corn on the cob...it was well received.

Panda

Another quick post...
I will not be adopting Hawk..long story that I will explain later, but instead Tuki will have a sister that is 2 years older than her.
Panda (code name) was born on December 25, 2003.

More to come...............

In the Bayou...Gator Country

I am back. Arrived home last night around 10:30pm...long, yet wonderful trip. I understood why people don't enjoy traveling with 19 month old, but overall Tuki did very well with all the changes in her life within 12 days. Let's just say she was happy to be placed in her crib when we arrived home.

I have news, but I will fill you in later but for now some southern Louisiana photos...........

Leaving on a Jet Plane

...don't know when we'll be back again.... Oh Babe...we're so glad to goooo!!!!!!!!!

I may blog on the road, and then again I may not.......talk to ya all later!!!!!

If you think of it, Please pray for safe travel for me to, in and from Haiti!!!!!!!!!!

One Step Closer

I went out on a little shopping excursion today and bought Owl a magna doodle, neon pen board, coloring book, play telephone and two new Barney DVD's. My friend is lending me his DVD player for the plane. I just need to get some snacks and we are all set. I also have some stickers, play dough and a pad of paper.



I had bought donations for the orphanage last week and so I just need to do laundry and then pack up the bags..oh yeah and mow the lawn one last time before I go.

Life in the Slow Lane

We have been moving in the slow lane for the last few days. We are shutting down the classrooms by cleaning, organizing, throwing and planning for yep...next school year. It is never too far off. Owl has two more days of daycare before summer vacation.

I don't think I will fully realize that I am out for a few weeks until I am lounging by my brother's swimming pool and in front of their wall size television.....
luxuries the kids and I will never enjoy at home.

I am almost finished getting ready for the trip, all things are falling into place.
I just need some really great "new" toys or activities for Tuki to keep her occupied on the plane.

Anyone have any great ideas for an 18, almost 19 month old for travel diversion???
If so I'd love to hear them.

Changes

You will notice I have changed our names to hide our identity. No, nothing happened, I just decided that one of the ways that I want to protect my kids through blogging is to not share their complete identity. I have attempted to change everyone mentioned in the blog. I may not post as many photos so as not to display recent ones. I want to try and talk more about happenings without so many photos. I hope you will stick with me through these changes.

So for now on, I am known as Aves..the taxonomic name for the class of birds.

Tuki, my daughter will still be known as Tuki, and/or Owl.
Owl is her Native American birth sign.

My son in Haiti will be known as Hawk, his Native American birth sign.

No, I do not practice Native American religion, yet I do appreciate their philosophy of preserving our environment. I know God created all things, therefore you can see how incredible God is through his creation. I also find it ironic that my favorite groups of birds..raptors which contain diurnal hawks and nocturnal owls are the birth signs of both my children. God has a great sense of humor.

My new photo is of the Grand Teton. Several years ago, I and several friends summitted that beauty of a mountain. I realized that I was made of much more courage than I had ever thought. I was terrified during the climb, but I kept going, and this only six months after ACL and MCL reconstruction surgery on my left knee. You look at life differently when you are 13,900 feet in the air with the mountain on one side of you and "open sky" on the other.

As a side note, I received my I171H (or whatever it is called from the USCIS) today. We are all set with paperwork for Hawk's adoption.

Our Backyard

My doe is hanging around the yard, real close. She has been doing this now for the last 2 weeks. That leads me to believe she has given birth. We see her often, either through the doors or when we are outside. She and/or her ancestors have been here since I bought this place 14 years ago. My yard is the reason why I purchased this house. The home was in bad shape, but the yard was fantastic!! Filled with wildlife, just like I love it.

Slowly over the years I have been remodeling the house, but the yard is still as wonderful as ever.


















I am not too concerned this year because the weeds are still winning, so I let her in to feed. Plus it encourages her to come close and then Owl can see her. Yes, that is thistle growing next to her. I leave it grow for the goldfinches. They nest in August when the thistle is seeding out and that is what they feed their youngsters.

I am not a typical Gardener. Most of my plants aren't near the house. This is intentionally because until the last remodel phase is finished, I am getting stock growing through out the yard. Then eventually when all my money is spent (house is done), I can move them around and near the house. I am also not a typical gardener because I allow the wildlife to consume the produce...my perennials. I will attempt to keep them at bay with liquid fence until mid-August, and then let it go. I feel the wildlife need it to fatten up for the winter, way more than I want to see the beauty..The difference between needs and wants. This year the doe feeds all she wants since the gardens still don't look their best.



















I took this picture of her through the doors.


This fawn was so little last fall, when I took the picture, that I feel it probably didn't make it through the winter. Notice the doe in the background. It was a dry summer, so a hard winter for the deer. Not enough food to grow fat to survive the winter. They were consuming some really strange stuff this spring. I think they were so hungry they were willing to eat anything green and succulent.

















This buck was bedded down next to one of my gardens last fall. I also took the picture through the doors.

When I get back from my trip, I wouldn't be surprised if this years fawn(s) is up and running with the doe.

The Potty Throne

Not much to talk about today. Just getting ready for the trip, gardening, cutting grass, laundry etc., the usual stuff.

Owl has been doing well with the reduced milk amount. She fussed for the first day or so but is now going along with the water.

She will now sit on the potty if I ask her, and then she gets a sticker, which is sometimes just a band-aid, but both works for her. She is fully clothed when she does this. Once I get back in July, I will be requesting suggestions as to how to help encourage her to sit on the potty and maybe even tinkle!!! The photo is the type of potty I bought for her at a rummage sale for $2.00.

I am off to other chores, and Owl is settling in for the night...............

5000 METER CHAMP!!!!!

Men's Track Sends Six to NCAA Outdoor Championships in Sacramento, California


My nephew C (bib #552) won the Mens 5000 meters last night in the time of 13:35.12, four seconds in front of the next competitor.

The Wheels On The Bus Go Round and Round

Well the students don't have to make up the "tornado day", but teachers do, so now we attend school until next Friday. Yep, that is June 15th... hard to believe. That only leaves me one full day and this weekend to prepare to leave town for 12 days.


I think I have things sorted out...and all bases are covered.

My travel plans are the following:
1. End of June drive to Milwaukee, stay overnight with B, and then board the plane for Houston.
2. Arrive in Houston, brother and his family will drive us to Louisiana to their home.
3. Brother takes me (Owl stays with them) to the airport in Houston and I fly out for Haiti.
5. Stay in Haiti (and pray I don't get the flu going around). Spend time with Hawk and other kids at the orphanage.
6. Three days later, arrive in Houston, love on my precious Tuki, stay overnight in a hotel and then the next day we fly back to Milwaukee.
7. Depending on how we feel, either drive back home or stay overnight..
8. Then awe "Home Sweet Home", and finally rest!!!!!!!!!!!

Because in only six weeks (boy will we enjoy these) from the end of June, the cross country running season starts.......and I have to get back in shape so I can run with the team.

I am tired just writing and thinking about all of this.......

But, I wouldn't change a thing...what good parent wouldn't make a little sacrifice for their family........

First Legal

A qucik post to SHOUT OUT A MILLION YEAHS FROM A MILLION ROOF TOPS.............

We are in First Legal !!!!!!!!!

This part of the process takes anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks to finish...........

Also, our school was called off today due to severe weather (tornado) warnings,
3 days before the last day before summer.

Can we all say together: "CRAZY", "BONKERs", OFF-THE-WALL, CRABBY to describe the
student's behavior tomorrow, that is if we have to make up the day, I'm not sure yet!!!!!!!!!

But YEAH for First Legal

Passage of Time

Owl had her 18 months appointment today with her new doctor. A female doctor that I had originally wanted her to be seen by for her required appointments. I liked her, and she really took time with me in explaining what I should look for when I meet Hawk in June....Owl on the other hand was very impatient while the doctor was explaining it to me.

But let's get back to Owl's appointment. She is still 33 1/4" tall (90%) and now 27 lb 9 oz (90%). So she went up in weight but not in height...I asked the doctor if I can give her skim milk for any amount over 16 oz and she said that would be fine. She also stated that any toddler that she has seen that gains this kind of weight is usually due to excess milk..so my instincts were correct. Tuki will protest a little, but I am looking out for her in the long term...maybe she will thank me for it years down the line. Other than that the doctor says she is right on target developmentally and continues to progress well. She does not have to go back until she is 2 years old...WOW, is she almost 2 years old already...the time sure flies......

As for what to look for in Hawk to help assess that he did not suffer any cognitive damage during his malnourished state::
1. He should be sitting
2. Rolling
3. Passing objects from 1 hand to another
4. Standing and hopefully cruising
5. Head circumference no smaller than 17 3/4"
6. I should also get his height and weight if at all possible. I am bringing a chart with me to see where he falls with the 3 measurements.

By the way Hawk turned 14 months old today.............

I am tired today, and just working on keeping classroom management while still hoping to teach them content in these final days of school. Everyone is ready to be done for the summer. Yet, yesterday we had a meeting for cross country running season to encourage the girls to run summer miles..and that got me really excited for the season. Since Tuki is older, she may have a harder time adjusting to the 8 weeks of long days...but it is my only "real thing" I kept since becoming a mother and it helps pay the bills..so a few weeks of craziness has more benefits than negatives..at this point in time anyway.

Not much else to report..I need to correct tests tonight...............

Adoption discussion continues

Coloring

Forgive me for sorting through my thoughts with you......

I felt terrible last night about Saturday's party. It was a time to meet my this family so I wanted to "put a good foot forward", yet struggled with protecting my daughter at the same time. I love to talk about adoption when she is not present. Why not when she is present: because I don't want to give her the feeling that there is something so very different about her that it always needs to be discussed..but maybe it can be turned into something that "you are so unique"..but one never knows how a child will process the information until later in life. My family may not understand my position in how I handle the questions, in fact I feel they don't, but they will have to trust that I am doing what I feel is best for my children. Adoption, especially transracial, is a new thing for my immediate family and me, so it is a new uncharted territory for all of us.


And I can't help but wonder...it is easy to see she is adopted, and of course once Hawk is home, it will be even more apparent...why does it need to be discussed..it is a personal matter. I don't ask personal questions to people I have just met.

Anyway while trying to sleep last night I thought of this response

Here is the hypothetical scenario..
A Question is posed
I take a long pause, collect myself and then respond with:

"Well in private, we have and will continue to discuss how we became a family, but unless she (he) brings it up and given her level of understanding, I really don't feel comfortable discussing it in public anymore"..

What do you think???

I thought I had done my research on this topic, apparently I have much to learn. It is so hard to find the balance between always wanting to protect your child and then allowing them to deal with the harsh realities of life. I need to find my way in this so that I will be a guide to help my children find a way in sorting out their feelings about adoption.....

HELP..........ME......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GLAMOUR GIRL


Hi my name is Aves and I won't talk about adoption to others while Tuki is present. I need help, or do I???? You tell me................

We were invited to a party. It had crossed my mind that this may be uncomfortable for me and Tuki because I feared the guest's may ask me adoption related questions. I didn't dwell on it, but it had crossed my mind. Well we went and in a short time I started getting them........

What I consider unacceptable questions and statements that I heard this weekend and last weekend:
Q: When is she going back home?? (yes, really)
Q: Are they just trying to get money?
Q: Why can't you just bring him home when you return from Haiti?
Q: Why can all those celebs just up and adopt so quickly?
Q: I hope you don't plan to call him Hawk right away, that will just confuse him..Yeah, I know!!!
Q: Don't they want the kids to have homes?
S: I have never wanted to adopt, but you sure are great for doing it.......

And yes, this is right in front of her....... She is 18 months, it amazes me on a daily basis her level of understanding...

Why are they unacceptable to me: they are uneducated questions and the person asking usually isn't really interested in adoption or become educated about adoption, they just want to ask personal questions. I HATE it that they can't see past her "was adopted" status and just see her. I really don't feel the need to be an ambassador for adoption (some adoptive parents think we need to be) for those who really do not have an interest in it. And most importantly I don't want it to be the topic of conversation EVERY time Tuki, and soon Hawk and I meet new people at parties. Even though I write in this blog, I am actually a very private person, and becoming more so with every passing year.

Questions like:
Q: How old was she when she came home?
Q: How long was the process?
Q: How long has she been home?

seem to be fine. I guess because these type of questions are related to us becoming a family while the others seem to insinuate that we are not family. I am defensive..I know. Instead of just keeping an eye for things she may physically get hurt with at this age, I am also on edge trying to dodge the verbal injuries she may incur due to others comments. I can't relax around others...I need help!!!!!!!

My sister said I should say. "Thank you for your interest, but in the interest of my daughter (and son) I'd really rather not talk about her (their) adoption while she (they) are present."

What do you think??

I need to rest now after this afternoon of bullet dodging.

Mommy and Me

chillin at home Saturday morning.................
A picture of us together is rare..thanks E!!!!!!!!!