Coloring
Forgive me for sorting through my thoughts with you......
I felt terrible last night about Saturday's party. It was a time to meet my this family so I wanted to "put a good foot forward", yet struggled with protecting my daughter at the same time. I love to talk about adoption when she is not present. Why not when she is present: because I don't want to give her the feeling that there is something so very different about her that it always needs to be discussed..but maybe it can be turned into something that "you are so unique"..but one never knows how a child will process the information until later in life. My family may not understand my position in how I handle the questions, in fact I feel they don't, but they will have to trust that I am doing what I feel is best for my children. Adoption, especially transracial, is a new thing for my immediate family and me, so it is a new uncharted territory for all of us.
And I can't help but wonder...it is easy to see she is adopted, and of course once Hawk is home, it will be even more apparent...why does it need to be discussed..it is a personal matter. I don't ask personal questions to people I have just met.
Anyway while trying to sleep last night I thought of this response
Here is the hypothetical scenario..
A Question is posed
I take a long pause, collect myself and then respond with:
"Well in private, we have and will continue to discuss how we became a family, but unless she (he) brings it up and given her level of understanding, I really don't feel comfortable discussing it in public anymore"..
What do you think???
I thought I had done my research on this topic, apparently I have much to learn. It is so hard to find the balance between always wanting to protect your child and then allowing them to deal with the harsh realities of life. I need to find my way in this so that I will be a guide to help my children find a way in sorting out their feelings about adoption.....
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Adoption discussion continues
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My Travels
8 comments:
Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais.
I had the above post translated. The launguage is in Portugese:
Hello, I found your blog by the google is well interesting I liked that post. When it will give gives a passed by my blog, is about undershirts personalized, sample I pass to pace as create an undershirt personalized well way. To more.
Thanks for stopping by..
Cindy
Spam comments in Portugese! cool! You really rock Cindy!
Hmmm. I think that Portugese spam is a sign!
You don't need help - you've got everything under control...well except maybe for that 18 month old GLAMOUR GIRL! (I thought that was what you were asking for help on in your original post!)
I liked the comment you came up with, but I don't think I would be articulate enough to get it out after someone slammed me with such personal (stupid) questions. I think I'll have to resort to the blank look and an "EXCUSE ME?"
I will be praying for you with this. My mother does the same thing, when she introduces her granddaughters, my children she always have to throw in the these are the adopted ones, as if it isn't obvious! This is a hard topic to deal with as not everyone feels as passionate about adoption as we do. Hang in there! I love the response!
I think that's a great response. (I just followed you over here from Cloudscome) We have a 10yo sn adopted from Haiti, and I usually end up like Jane, with the blank stare and the "Excuse me?" Because he was adopted as an older child, it's a little easier, as i know what he is and isn't comfortable with.
I tried to think if I would ever ask those kinds of questions, but since I've been involved since before she was adopted, I already know the answers. I would hope that even if I didn't know her from before, I wouldn't be that insensitive. I like your sister's suggestion for a response, but I would like to look at the questions again. I may come up with some others. The photo of you two is great!
BE
Cindy,
Thanks for stopping by! Your children are beautiful. I thought this post was interesting and am already thinking about how I will handle such situations with my own family and others. I think your repsonse was very well put.
Have a wonderful trip to Haiti! Can't wait to read all the details when you return.
Nicole
http://nikicoli.blogspot.com
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