"Let every individual and institution now think and act as a responsible trustee of Earth, seeking choices in ecology, economics and ethics that will provide a sustainable future, eliminate pollution, poverty and violence, awaken the wonder of life and foster peaceful progress in the human adventure."
- John McConnell, founder of International Earth Day
RIGHT NOW, and then again tomorrow and then again the next day and on it goes day after day,
1/2 OF THE WORLD lives on LESS THAN 2 DOLLARS each day.
Psalm 27:4
One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.
Do all you can and don't worry about the odds against you. Wield the miracle of life's energy, never worrying whether we fail, concerned only that whether we fail or succeed we do so with all our might. That's all we need to know to feel certain that all our force of diligent effort is worth our while on Earth.
Carl Safina, Voyage of the Turtle

Saturday, June 2, 2007

HELP..........ME......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



GLAMOUR GIRL


Hi my name is Aves and I won't talk about adoption to others while Tuki is present. I need help, or do I???? You tell me................

We were invited to a party. It had crossed my mind that this may be uncomfortable for me and Tuki because I feared the guest's may ask me adoption related questions. I didn't dwell on it, but it had crossed my mind. Well we went and in a short time I started getting them........

What I consider unacceptable questions and statements that I heard this weekend and last weekend:
Q: When is she going back home?? (yes, really)
Q: Are they just trying to get money?
Q: Why can't you just bring him home when you return from Haiti?
Q: Why can all those celebs just up and adopt so quickly?
Q: I hope you don't plan to call him Hawk right away, that will just confuse him..Yeah, I know!!!
Q: Don't they want the kids to have homes?
S: I have never wanted to adopt, but you sure are great for doing it.......

And yes, this is right in front of her....... She is 18 months, it amazes me on a daily basis her level of understanding...

Why are they unacceptable to me: they are uneducated questions and the person asking usually isn't really interested in adoption or become educated about adoption, they just want to ask personal questions. I HATE it that they can't see past her "was adopted" status and just see her. I really don't feel the need to be an ambassador for adoption (some adoptive parents think we need to be) for those who really do not have an interest in it. And most importantly I don't want it to be the topic of conversation EVERY time Tuki, and soon Hawk and I meet new people at parties. Even though I write in this blog, I am actually a very private person, and becoming more so with every passing year.

Questions like:
Q: How old was she when she came home?
Q: How long was the process?
Q: How long has she been home?

seem to be fine. I guess because these type of questions are related to us becoming a family while the others seem to insinuate that we are not family. I am defensive..I know. Instead of just keeping an eye for things she may physically get hurt with at this age, I am also on edge trying to dodge the verbal injuries she may incur due to others comments. I can't relax around others...I need help!!!!!!!

My sister said I should say. "Thank you for your interest, but in the interest of my daughter (and son) I'd really rather not talk about her (their) adoption while she (they) are present."

What do you think??

I need to rest now after this afternoon of bullet dodging.

Posted by Aves @ Call of the Phoebe at 6:36 PM

3 comments:

Not Betty Crocker said...

I love your sister's answer and may have to steal it. My Mom and I had this discussion ourselves and she came up with a couple, "I'll forgive you for asking if you'll forgive me for not answering." And "Why do you need to know that?"

I know those seem really blunt but I think it may take blunt for some people. I dread this kind of thing.

Hang in there! You're doing a great job!

June 2, 2007 at 8:27 PM
Andromeda Jazmon said...

I struggle with this as well. The most common question I get it "Are they brothers?" I always say "Yes." and then the next question is "But are they real brothers?" Sometimes it's" biological" or "original" or some other term. I usually end up saying they weren't born brothers but they are now. I think as the boys have gotten older it has gotten a little easier for me to handle the questions. I don't mind talking about adoption but the questions you got are real doozies! Sometimes the best response is just to say "Excuse me?" and stare at them blankly. Other things I have heard recommended are to say "Why would you ask that?", "That's a very personal question. It's family information I'd rather not share. That is his story to tell if he wants to when he is older." You could say any of those and then quickly ask a somewhat personal question about the other person's family or kids. I try to practice/role play these conversations because I am always tongue tied in the moment. It's really hard when it's family.

June 3, 2007 at 10:39 AM
Calico Sky said...

I struggle but recently said this (still amazed I did it).

Do you know how rude you are being?

THE PERSON WAS STUNNED!!!!!!

they then said, 'well I was just..' so they knew exactly what they were doing!

August 25, 2007 at 12:39 AM

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