50th birthday today

It is significant for me. I am not sad about it either.

I feel liberated because I feel I have dodged the ghost that I have been running from my entire life.

The ghost of cancer past. As I have stated on this blog before, since my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at 35 and then eventually dieing from the cancer that took over her body 15 years later at age 50, I have been making very conscience choices to prevent cancer. I ate or didn't eat certain foods that helped prevent or caused cancer. I never smoked, drank limited alcohol and I have been a exercise nut nearly my entire life.

Needless to say, at 48 when I was diagnosed, also with breast cancer, I was hit hard emotionally. Logically I knew God gave me a gift in allowing the docs to find the cancer in a noninvasive form, rather than years down the line after it had become invasive. Emotionally it was a gut punch. Yet it was a gift of time to allow me to decide what I planned to do with the information. What I did is now history, it was hard, but oh so much easier than it would have been if I had to have gone through radiation and chemotherapy and with the nagging fear that it was going to return. What I chose has given me peace, a real down, ghost busting peace. The demon has been removed. I can now enjoy my life, and I mean really enjoy my life in a way I have not done since I was five. Enjoy my new found freedom in my renewed health, and the knowledge that I have a very strong chance of watching my girls grow up into adults and maybe even see grand kids someday. I know far reaching, but it is a real possibility and it feels oh so good.

I have two more milestones to clear, the age of 55, the age of my brother's death and 58, the age of my father's death. Both passed from deteriorated heart conditions. Fortunately I have been told after the EKG and stress tests that I have a very strong heart and according to my lyme and breast docs, all my years of healthy living has allowed me to bounce back from my last four years of bad health relatively quickly.

So as I sit here drinking a glass of my homemade cloudy but very tasty blueberry wine (I moved it to the secondary today so I could start the apricot wine batch) I say Happy Birthday to me and as Wallace yelled at the end of Braveheart..

F  R  E  E  D  O  M !!!!!


BTW the girls gave me a pair of earrings and two beautiful blouses and I happen to know that they have a surprise party planned for sometime this weekend....I know about it, just not privvy to all the details..I will fill you in once it happens!!!

so I say good job old lady, you made it to hump year and good luck in the next half of my life.....