4 week update

I had a friend email me these questions. I have responded back, but I thought I would also post my expanded answers as a post for Ve's 4 week update.

1. Have you given Ve an American name? Do you call her by it? Does she respond to it? How did you explain the new name to her (if you gave her one)?

I actually did give Ve an American name. I also plan to do this with Mim as well. I did the same thing that I had done with Tuks. The moment she came home I started calling her *****Ve. Eventually I dropped Ve and now we just call her *****. Also, just like Tuks, when I do her re-adoption in my state I will add my two American names (the first, and one middle name) to her birth name. She will have four names JUST like Tuks, and I will do the same for Mim. So all is fair. I have not explained this to Ve yet, but I will when our communication as at the level I think she will understand. We have already started to to refer to Mim as ***** Mim. Even Ve does this so that when Mim is home all members of the household will hopefully be in the same place.

Ve started responding to her American name by the second day. I hold the belief that because there is a language gap, the girls just believe that the American name I call them is their name in America. Does that make sense?? I also keep their birth names in their legal names so that if in the future they really feel strongly about being called their birth name, it will be no big deal because it is their legal name anyway.

2. How's the food situation? Does she seem worried there won't be enough? Does she eat and eat and eat or is she a picky eater? If she's picky how do you get her to eat?

After observing Ve for about a week or so I came to realize that Ve isn't gorging or feeling a sense of security from her food. She is actually a very picky eater. I had seen this in Haiti on my visit trips, but I wanted to wait until she was home to make any judgements about her eating style. Ve would decline what I had given her and then ask for either pb and jelly sandwich or cereal. Since I do NOT allow Tuks to do this, I quickly realized that I needed to make some adjustments. All it took was one time that I wouldn't let her leave the table until all that I had served was eaten. Now it isn't an issue because she knows that I am serious about her eating what I place in front of her. She eats everything now and I will gladly give her more if she wants it. I offer either a piece of candy or some type of dessert if the plates are clean. If not, then no treats of any kind. This applies to Tuks as well. I will probably have to do this with Mim too since I noticed she was also a bit picky of her food. I do allow the girls to eat every few hours and I have it set up at school for them to eat every few hours as well.

3. How's the communication going? Is she picking up English quickly?

Extremely well. Her receptive language is amazing. Her expressive language is changing daily. We are able to communicate more deeply every day. I think once she knows her English well, I will have two "Chatty Cathys" in the house. Ve talks non-stop when she gets home from school. I just wish I knew what she was saying.

4. How is bedtime? Does she go to bed easily? Sleep through the night? Bedwetting?

Ve goes to bed real easy, especially since starting school. She is a happy, but tired girl by the end of the day. She sleeps through the night, and yes, I have temporally placed her in pull-ups while she adjusts. My hope is once I can communicate this to her, explain that she can get up in the middle of the night, use the bathroom and then go back to sleep, I can take the pull-ups off. Right now, I'm not sure I could explain that to her well enough, so we use pull-ups and Ve hasn't resisted. I think since she sees Tuks in underwear by day and diapers by night, she is OK with it too. I hope that once Mim arrives, she doesn't make fun of Ve and shame her out of the pull-ups too early. I saw Mim do this to her in Haiti the one night Ve wet the bed. I attempted to put diapers on her the next night (this was highly recommend by other amoms), but Mim teased Ve and called her a baby so Ve refused to let me place them on her. Interestingly, she did not have an accident again while I was there.

5. Does any one thing in particular seem to overwhelm her? I know all kids are different I'm just trying to get a feel for what/how to prepare.

I haven't found anything as of yet, but of course, I keep an eye on this.

6. How is discipline working? I worry about this due to the language barrier. How do I explain time out to a child that doesn't speak English?

Quite frankly I didn't know how exactly I was going to handle this simply because I of course had never brought home an older child before. But, once Ve was home, I knew where I was at on this. My teaching philosophy and parenting philosophy is nearly the same. I want my children/students to know what my expectations are for proper behavior within the confines of the family/classroom right from the start. The rules are communicated effectively, efficiently and consistently, and very soon my children/students know what is expected. It works miracles every time. I am not kidding. I wasn't lenient on Ve in this department at all in regards to how I expected her to act regarding the family; such as with her sister Tuks, the cats, the dogs, furniture, please and thank you etc., You name I try to cover it. She has already had 2 time-ins and they turn her naughty behavior around immediately.

So you may be asking, how is this affecting her bonding with me. None at all, she curls up with me every night like a little baby, gives me hugs, kisses etc., calls me Mommy, Ma, mama...just like Tuks. I see the same with my students (no they don't curl up with me like babies, but you know what I mean). I think in
the long run, when children know the expectations, and you are fair with them among all involved, they feel more secure in the setting. Whatever the setting may be. Just my opinion, and I have seen it work time and time again. I think Ve coming home has made me a better parent for Tuks also, because of all my soul searching the last few weeks I realized that I need to step it up at home and parent like I teach. I had posted at an earlier date, that I was much more lax at home, and I really think Tuks responded to that and sometimes in not such a positive way. Tuks is behaving better lately as well because of my changed strategies. We are all happier!!!

7. Do you know how difficult changing her legal age will be? Does it vary by state?.

When I re-do her adoption for my state I will submit the doctor and dentist letters stating their opinions on her age. I believe that should do the trick. But, for sure I will let you know in six months.

8. Has she started school yet? I would love to hear how that goes when she does start.

Ve started kindergarten on Monday. I thought initially I'd start her out on half days, but she didn't need that easy transition. She jumped in with both feet and LOVES, LOVES, LOVES it. She has already earned herself a happy, "she is following the routine great" award. Her expressive language is exploding, her letter recognition, color recognition and counting ability has improved exponentially.
The teachers are saying the same thing that I have been thinking, and that is that Ve is smart!! She picks things up with remarkable speed. I am excited to see how she does by the time the school year is out. She receives at least one hour of ESL a day from the ESL teacher that has had 6 years of French. YAH!!! Right now, we don't believe she needs Speech and Language support, but we will keep an eye on her. I am also curious to see how she does once she starts writing and reading.

Now for another brag!!
Teachers are also coming to me with the "boy can that girl jump rope" I heard it from many teachers already, and if they are like other teachers/coaches, I know (namely me) they are probably salivating and waiting to see what sport she settles in because I think she will be talented, and so do others.

It will be fun to watch her over this next year. She has settled in real nice, even to the point where she is really starting to ask for things she wants and test me on how I will handle a situation. All very normal stuff!! I am loving this girl of mine!!!

Oh, yes, the best part of all, when Tuks and Ve see each other for the first time after school, they are just so excited, they can hardly keep from bursting with giggles and smiles at their first sight of each other..it is SOOOOO CUTE to watch!!

Tuks is also asking when Mim will be home, so I guess she is ready for her other sister, so I had better get ready too. LOL