Indoor Activities

Puzzles


Pulling sMurph's tail..don't worry the cat can fend for himself very well!!


Dancing to Barney


Throwing Balls


Getting into things that she knows are off limits..Who Me????

Meanderings

Notice her fat lip??

We have three modes of transportation that allows me to exercise while getting Tuki to her play grounds. Her little red wagon, stroller (actually 2 types, walking and running) and bike and trailer. So far, we have discovered four playgrounds within 1 - 2 miles from our home. Many people have stated to me that I should set up a swing set in my yard, but I say why, when so many are so close. I'm sure with more exploration of our city we will find even more before the summer is over.

When we were out tonight we were caught in a rain shower.... and it hasn't rained a drop since we have been home.

When I was in the middle of Owl's adoption process, a nice elderly woman, whom had adopted two of her children, asked me why I had wanted to be a mother. It is a difficult question to answer, and I often wonder why this question isn't posed to parents that have children biologically,but for some reason we adoptive parents are open game for number of invasive type of questions...but anyway, she had said to me that one of the reasons that should NOT be a reason to parent a daughter is that " I wanted to dress her up like a little doll". I was rather amused by it at the time, because it was apparent that she didn't know me well AT all. One of my greatest struggles that I have dealt with is to find nice looking clothes that match to dress Tuki in on a daily basis. I would say she never looks like a doll, but rather a child that runs Au natural most of the time. Sometimes I don't even get her hair combed before noon on my days off, and this is after six hours of wake time. It's not that I am lazy, it's just not that important to me and it certainly isn't that important to her. She likes to just play and have fun, so I allow her as much as I can, with guidance and boundaries. I see other adoptive parent's blogs with daughters, and they always look so pretty in their dresses and bows, and I can't help but wonder...do they only take blog pictures when they look so nice, or do they always look so nice....just wondering...........

Well you may think I am a bad mom for posting this, but tonight when Owl was walking in the kitchen, she took a digger. One minute she was walking and then then the next minute she was face down, belly down, legs and arms spread wide flat on the floor. I had to stifle a laugh, but then she started crying and I picked her up for cuddling and assessment and noticed a fat lip. She may have bit it... but I still thought it looked funny..remember I grew up in the 3 Stooges era, slap stick humor, and yes I love(d) the show. She is better now as the picture can attest to.

Today the ugly tantrums reared their ugly heads. I guess it will be like that. Some days nothing, and then somedays it runneth over..................

Tuki Turns Emotional Eighteen Months

Now, at 18 months

My life's JOY...............

Adoption update: Hawk's dossier should be in Haiti this week....

Memorial Weekend

This weekend ended up becoming a fun filled-late night mosquito biting party. How you may ask.

Well as of Friday, I had no plans for this weekend except yard work and Tuki time. But on Saturday early evening my brother had a bonfire and invited the whole family and served snacks at his house. This is where the mosquito haven came in. Yes, it is even worse than my house. When I had last talked to him, we were not going to go outside because it was raining buckets. So I put Tuki in her P.J.'s because I knew we were going to be getting home past her bedtime. Plus I didn't bring bug spray because I didn't think we were going to be outside. Well we were outside, it had stopped raining, and before I had the chance of putting a wall of protection around her with the spray, she was bit at least 3 - 4 times. Yes, the skeetters are that bad. The good thing is the bites have oozed a little, but no other real reaction..maybe we are turning a corner with the bites....

Then on Sunday night, after church, my step-mom, Tuki's grandma had a cook out at her place. Again the whole family showed up. It was really quite cute because Owl's cousin N, who is one year older is really enjoying the time with "my Owl",. N also calls her "my baby". They both were giggling and laughing so much, it was really fun to watch them together. My sis says that N will lead Owl astray. I will have to agree. We all see risk taking tendencies in N, and a "willing to follow, puppy attitude" in Owl.... we arrived home late this night too..

Then today it was just me and Tuki, and I posted earlier about our morning. I also managed to weed most of one horrendously weedy garden, shave, and clip nails of two of my dogs for the summer, as well as all the other regular weekend stuff.

It was a good weekend, and one to remember again, that we live in a great country and to appreciate and not take for granted all the freedoms we have......and to be thankful for all the men and women who help protect our freedoms.
Happy Memorial weekend.

Memorial Morning

Happy Memorial Day. We have had an eventful morning and weekend. Our morning consisted of Owl using a chair to get into a pack of stickers that were on the kitchen shelf. The pictures tell the rest of the story. After that, we walked down with her red wagon to a near-by park and she went swinging and socializing with a pair of Canada geese and their five goslings..Now she is napping. I will fill you in on the rest of the weekend later..now I need to go and shave my other dog.........



How she obtains the forbidden loot (stickers)



The stashed loot.




Caught in the act.




Pretty body art??


So serious!!


The geese family.


Swinging....(I love this picture)


more swinging..........


yep..even more swinging..........................

Give me a T..A..N..T..R..U..M..S..

This picture is from Christmas. She didn't like the antlers. It reveals how passionate she can be when she is telling me "whatnot" in her anger.






What does it spell..TANTRUMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, we are in full blown tantrums now. She is expressing herself with maximum power.
Most times I find it funny, sometimes a bit frustrating. On Friday, according to my daycare provider she cried nearly all day..just feeling "whatever" deeply. I know this is true because it carried over into Friday night until we went biking and swinging, and then again early Saturday morning. It eventually evened out and now just periodically.. I noticed going outside and doing any sort of activity seems to help. But boy we are on the eve of the TERRIBLE TWOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah???? I know we must get through this in order to pass to the next phase..

Tuki's Nightly Jaunt

Owl taking a ride in her red wagon.


Getting all excited about a stick!!


Getting ready to go for her nightly jaunt. We had to wait a little longer tonight because it was raining when we arrived home.


I make a grilled cheese sandwich with whole wheat bread, cheese and broccoli. She loves it. All through supper she made faces of joy as she chowed it down.


Being goofy!! We both feel a whole lot better. Don't mind her hair or messy face. This is her "after a day at daycare" look.

She is saying "hi' with her mouth full. Her favorite word.

Luck of the Draw

Life in Haiti-the unlucky ones...maybe we can help.......

{http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqTLu_ZKXm0} Part 1

{http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYKDZP3-2-4}Part 2

{http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTj849CFPT4}Part 3

I thought about my last post....AND

Did anyone see the irony in my last post? I was talking about Hawk's birthmom and how she had no way to support her children, and then I went on to my small insignificant problem..finding back-up daycare.

Two Moms 2000 miles apart.

One in Haiti who has four children, all boys, she appears to be about mid 30's, and quite beautiful. If she is in her 30's she has about another 10 - 15 years left to her life since the life span is around 45 in Haiti. She has no means to support herself, so she goes to the market to sell plantain to help care and feed her children. Maybe she has an education level through 6th grade, I say maybe.. She is so desperate that she knows her youngest child will be better cared for, and have many more opportunities available by growing up with another woman (whom he will eventually call Mom), in another country. This woman in Haiti has little to no options, no choices. Yet so much love for her children.

Another woman, lucky enough to be born in the USA. A woman who has one child. She had the finances and opportunity available to her so that she could grow her family through adoption. She is in her early to mid 40's. She has anywhere from 20 to 40 more years to her life span. She has a Master's degree, a good, secure job and she has the good fortune to own her own home for 14 years located on 1 1/2 acres. While she goes to work she takes her child to daycare so that her daughter is well fed, educated and nurtured. She is adding to her family again by adopting the Haitian woman's youngest son. She has many choices and many options. And again, so much love for her children.

I say life is the Luck of the Draw...I thank God every day that I was drawn in the lucky hand, and I ache for the others not so lucky...

Update on my Angel

I need to apologize for no more new pictures from this weekend. Our various illnesses just ranneth over into the weekend and frankly taking pictures was the last thing on my mind. Tuki finally caught my cold and also had a mild flu virus. All achy, crying and just plain ornery. Just for me of course. When ever E spent time with her, she was as happy as a clam, she saved the grouchies for me. But I completely understood because I felt like crying, whining and being grouchy all last week. But I am an adult so I had to take drugs to help ease my symptoms............

A clarification for my "fillers" post from the other day. What I meant by "fillers" is that it was the intensity in mind and body throughout workouts and exercising that is required for triathlons, races and biathlons. The intensity kept my mind off of the lack of children and a marriage. I still love working out and running, I just don't let it dominate or obsess me because I don't need to fill a void. Not to say all people who do these type of activities do it to fill a void..I'm just speaking for myself.

Well a little update on Hawk......He is no longer at the hospital, but he is currently being cared for by his birthmom. I was a little confused and frightened when I heard this. I didn't want to get far into an adoption and then the birthmom change her mind,and I also didn't want to be the hand that forced a birthmom to place her child for adoption just because the adoption was almost finished. I was assured by the orphanage director that Hawk's birthmom really wanted him to be adopted so that he had a chance at a better life. He is still being cared for by her because he is still critical and she wanted some consistency in his life until he starts turning around. She figures another 1 1/2 months. Just about the time I am scheduled to visit him. The orphanage director is supplying all the diapers and formula and Hawk is brought back to the O every other day for vitamins and iron shots. If he is in similar physical condition as another boy that was in the hospital at the same time, then he probably weighs around 10 - 12 lb at 13 1/2 months. I know, very small. The birthmom has no real way to earn income and take care of all her children. It is hard to explain the circumstances in Haiti, if you are really interested you can email me and I will attempt to explain what I understand.

Today was a crazy day in the life of a single mother.........let's just say have back-up daycare..I'll be working on it this summer...........

Happy Garden

Desires

Our new wheels

I had a conversation with an old acquaintance earlier in the week. She was telling how she was competing in the local triathlon, and wanted to enter into the Amazing race etc., I listened to her and was interested because just a few short years ago I had done many of these same things when I was her age..the upper 30's. I did them then because I am always up for a challenge and since I was not busy being a mother or wife these were good activities to become involved in between my travels, home building, and gardening.

This friend of mine is also not married nor does she have children. I couldn't help but listen to her with a heavy heart. No, I didn't know for sure why she was active in these type of sports, because when I had been, I remember encouraging her to get involved, but she had no interest, yet now she was full thrust into it all. What I do know, is that being married and becoming a mom are two of her dreams she longs to be fulfilled.

I guess my heavy heart was me relating her situation to why I had done them, Yes, it was fun, yes I was actually competitive, but I always knew it was "fillers" for me while I waited to obtain my dream of "some day" of becoming a mom. I didn't always have this dream, or least so intensely, but as I grew older, I felt my time was running out and I still wanted to be a mother along with all the career and travel goals I had accomplished. And yes, I had hoped I'd marry, especially the man I had been "seeing" at the time, but he wasn't what he proclaimed to be and failed to fulfill his promises and so I gave up hope of ever fulfilling the marriage dream, or I should say, at least with him.

But I realized another thing in listening to her, and that was the dawning that for right now, I am content in "just being" with my daughter. Enjoying each and every discovery, milestone, conversation, smile, and walk or run with her. I enjoy spending time with my daughter. It is not a chore, I do not feel like I need a "night out" break. I look forward to our relaxing evenings jaunting around the neighborhood, and yes someday when she is older, we will broaden our jaunts further and further away. My life has become richer and deeper since she entered it. I don't desire the "fillers" anymore.

p.s. Now that I am feeling a tiny bit better I will attempt to get some pictures this weekend.

Sister and Brother

Owl at 8-9 months and Hawk at 8-9 months.

Fingerprinting Party with the Gulls

Dropped Tuki off at 7:00am, then took off for a 2 1/2 hour drive to Milwaukee to get my fingerprints done for USCIS. My true office is in Minnesota, but just like with Tuki's adoption I requested to have it done in Milwaukee because;
one: it is closer
two: I lived there for two years and I knew the town better.

I had an easy time finding it this time, I just looked and listened for the ring-billed gull party in the parking lot, and it is across from the MSOE school. As two years ago, the same nice elderly man let me park in the bank parking lot and the same nice guards in the building scanned me and my possessions. I also talked with a couple from Sheboygan who were there for their fingerprinting who are adopting their second child from Russia. The guy who checked me in said "good for you" when he realized I was there for an adoption fingerprints. The guy who did my fingerprints told me upon my asking that they do about 5000 fingerprints each day..I told him he must be a patient fellow.

I was there for one hour, then had lunch and headed back home. Arrived home at 1:00pm, took a long deep nap (it is amazing what a good nap will do for you), woke, went shopping for more cold meds for me and more benedryl for Tuki and then headed over to the daycare and picked her up.

What an exciting day!!!!!!!!!!!!! It worked for me..now here comes the MUCH needed rain, so no walk tonight, but that is ok, because we are still DRY!!!!!!!!

Where is Pollyana when I need her.

I try to be positive in all areas of my life. Sometimes so much so that others think I'm a little off when things get rough because I'm still try to focus on the good and not the bad. With that said, I will have to say that I have been struggling lately in the positive department.

My dossier is still not in Haiti (still being translated) and unfortunately the adoptive Moms that went to visit in Haiti were not able to see Hawk and get more pictures or examine him because he was still at the hospital this weekend, and I guess no visitors(?)are allowed. But I have been told he is a grasshopper baby, meaning a thin baby with long thin legs and arms due to his malnourished condition. He will improve, but just really skinny now.

Plus I have had various forms of illness now for over 3 weeks. Right now another cold, and of course I am fatigued because of it.

I also took Owl off of the benedryl, after a week of taking it, because her eye looked great, but then the bite wound started oozing this morning and when I picked her up from daycare, her eye was starting to swell AGAIN. So now she is back on benedryl. Will it ever go away?????

And I still am not done with catching up on all the weeds that took control of the gardens last year..........

I know trust in the Lord..I know I know, it is just hard sometimes!!!!!

Ok, enough complaining...I am going to look for Polly...........

True Blessings on Mother's Day

Hawk, December 2006

I have GREAT Mother's Day news. Hawk is coming home to the orphanage. He is well enough to be released from the hospital, and several adoptive Moms are visiting the orphanage right now and hopefully they will be able to get some updated pictures. I have to prepare myself, because I hear he is thin, but other than that he is fine and doing well. YEAH. As for further news in my world, I have decided and prayfully let Katiana's referral go. For the last two weeks I have talked and discussed my two impending adoptions with many childcare professionals and everyone..everyone, said only pursue the adoption of one at this time, and then in a few years when everyone is attached well, and there is a nice routine to life, pursue a third child if I still have it on my heart to do so. They "the professionals" felt it what was best for all involved. I struggled with it for awhile and then I finally accepted the truth in their advice. Up until the point that I let Steph, the facilitator, know what I had decided I thought I'd be giving up Hawk's referral, but then at the last minute I told her just the opposite. Must of have the been the move of God because not even within 24 hours Katiana had another family commit to her. So all is well, and now this GREAT news about Hawk.


The other love of my life, May 2006

Yesterday was a good day around here. Owl received from me a little red riders wagon for her "family day" celebration gift and the she and I put it together. It was cute how busy she was thinking she was helping to build it. That is one other thing I have gotten good at since becoming a Mother. Building things by using the instructions. In the past I would usually call one of my brothers, BIL or male friends to come over and build items that I had bought that required assembling. But not anymore or for the last year. It is me all the way, and of course now me and Tuki. I want her to watch me be self-sufficient so that she knows she can do these type of things herself. Once again she pushes me to be a better person. Later my friend B, visited from a town 2 1/2 hours away and my friend E came over, and we cooked a great meal, and celebrated good friends and family. It was a day to last in my memory for some time. B is a very important person in Tuki's life. She was the person who came with me to Guatemala on my visit trip. So besides me, Barb was the first in my circle of family and friends to meet Owl.

Now, to finish up on my pick-up trip story from one year ago. It was a crazy and busy trip. After the embassy appointment, we stayed in Guatemala until the 16th. On the sixteenth, we flew home to the USA. Boy it felt good to land on American soil. We drove to Louisiana from the Houston airport. Owl and I stayed with my brother, his wife and daughter for three days. It was a relaxing and refreshing time. I started to enjoy her more and was a little less worried about the "just meet her needs" and started playing with her and doing all the fun parenting stuff. My brother's family loved spending time with her, especially her cousin E. It was good time. On the 20th we flew from Houston back to my home state. We spent the night at another friend's home and then the next day we drove 2 1/2 hours finally back to our home. AHHH, Home sweet home, nothing like it when you have been gone for a long time. Within the first 24 hours of arriving home, we both came down with the flu. Tuki just the diarrhea, and me vomiting and diarrhea. Now that was my true baptism into Motherhood. My step-mom stayed over night to help care for her while I was so sick. From that point on, it has all been up hill. Now being a mother feels like an "ole shoe". Comfortable and very normal.


Tuki and her Aunt D


Two things I think I did right for attachment, carried her on me in this Ergo carrier, and co-slept for 1 month.


Tuki and her foster family. They really loved and cared for her.


Tuki and her cousin E in Louisiana


Uncle J and Tuki on Embassy day

She's Mine!!!

Guatemala City, Guatemala


Photo session with Tuki

One year ago I was at the Marriott in Guatemala. I woke early, showered, set up formula and diaper stations, then went down for breakfast. By 10:00 am I was waiting in the lobby looking for the foster mom and Owl. They arrived around 11:00 am. We sat and talked for at least an hour or more about Tuki, her schedule, we exchanged gifts and addresses. We also made plans for them to come back on Sunday for their last good-byes. That was two days away.

Once they left I went back upstairs and we settled in, and then went to the baby room and visited with other adoptive parents. I could tell Owl was nervous around me, but then I sang her the song I had made up and sang to her constantly on our visit trip in February. She smiled instantly with this HUGE smile. I could tell we connected. My brother was scheduled to arrive around 1:00pm, and then I was to meet with our facilitator to make sure our papers were in order and to talk about the embassy appointment scheduled for the next day. My brother's plane had many difficulties and so I met with the facilitator alone. It went smoothly and Owl was just as easy going then as she still is. Finally my brother's plane had landed and he arrived I believe around 5:00pm. He met Owl for the first time and then we had supper, talked and returned to the room.

Owl was a little cranky, didn't sleep or nap well that first day and she wanted to be held the whole time, and yet I expected this because she acted that same way the first day of our visit trip. Just like on the visit trip, we co-slept. We had to get to bed early because our Embassy appointment was early and our facilitator was picking us up at 5:30 am. Yet, another schedule change for Tuki.

So now you have the facts, but how did I feel. OVERWHELMED. Yes, I was excited, and very happy I was picking her up instead of visiting. But I still knew that this was it..there was no turning back. I was now a mother and I was solely responsible for this little girl for the rest of my life. It felt heavy for many months. My life drastically changed. definitely for the better, but on that first day, it just felt HEAVY!!!!!!!!!!!! I had very little experience with babies up until that point. Until the visit trip I could have counted on both hands (if I exaggerated) how many diapers I has changed in my total life.

So how did we celebrate today.. Well we had a normal first part of the day, I went to work and Owl went to day care. But then afterwards we took a 1-1/2 mile walk to a play ground that was just built last year, she wanted to swing...and swing...and swing..and swing..it would have kept going for over an hour if I had let her. She loves the swing. Just like her Mom. I still swing whenever I get a chance. We then walked back home, took care of the dogs and had a big supper, bath and then off to bed. I finished the evening with finishing mowing the other half of the lawn. Who thinks I will be dead tired tomorrow??? Yeah, so do I.

The Eve of A Monumental Day

May 11, 2006

Ok, we are on the eve of our one year anniversary of Owl permanently be placed in my arms and my life forever. I celebrated by mowing 1/2 my lawn, after Tuki and I spent a wonderful evening together releasing leopard frogs, wood frogs, toads, spring peepers, green frogs and a tree frog (long story) and then just chillin together. Her eye opened up a little yesterday and now today it is almost 100%. It had been a fantastic 1 year. I was flying into Guatemala by myself on this day and arriving at 10:30pm and then escorted to the Marriott by the hotel's van. I remember how warm the air felt on my skin as I waited for the driver to make sure he didn't forget anyone at the airport. It ended up that I was the only guest arriving that evening. I checked in and fell asleep because the foster mom was coming the next day with Owl.

Purpose for Everything

What Good Are Mosquito's???
They are huge food source for songbirds, bats and dragonflies..so I really don't hate them, we (me & Skylar) just have to learn to love bug dope on a daily basis....

Thank you for your concern over Tuki's reaction. I should clarify what I meant when I said that the Dr. said nothing could be done. He meant nothing, but daily application of bug dope, to prevent an allergic reaction in the future. I wanted a drug that would prevent any sort of reaction from occurring at all, ever again. I guess there is no such miracle drug. This current one, over the eye is about the fifth time she has had one since she came home last May. All the others have been behind her ears, or on her limbs. The first time I saw it happen was when she was 9 months old. My Ped recommended putting her on a low dose of Claratin to prevent it from occurring in the future, ever again. You see I wanted something easy. So since April she has been taking a low dose each morning. But as you can see it didn't help. So this time, a new Dr., also well respected and well liked switched her to Benadryl, 1 tsp four times daily while she is swollen and yes she is also on oral antibiotics three times each day. He also prescribed hydrocortizine to put on a new bite to hopefully prevent the swelling. But I can't use it now because the one over her eye is now an open wound that is oozing a little. Good thing, because it hasn't gotten any worse and her attitude is good which leads me to believe that she feels better.

This new Dr and I were talking and wondering why, with Owl being born in Guatemala, a tropical country, that her genes passed down from her ancestors haven't adapted to resist the bug bite toxin. It makes me think that her genes have adapted over time for the toxin in the bugs found in Guatemala, but the toxin in the bugs found in the northern Midwest must be different thereby causing this reaction. I can't help but think with these severe reactions that eventually her body will have the antibodies to resist the new strain of toxin. I hope my thinking is correct.

There were twin girls with sickle cell anemia needing a home from the same orphanage where Hawk resides. They have thankfully found a home, but their illness led me to research why sickle cell anemia was so prevalent in the black population but not in other ethnic populations. So this is what I found out..
Malaria, a deadly disease carried in mosquito's found in the tropics, kill millions of individuals each year. Well it has been discovered that over time the black (more melanin in the skin to protect from the direct sun rays) population which originated near the tropics, that had the disease sickle cell anemia, were more resistant to Malaria, thereby surviving to pass on those genes to their off-spring... and then of course through immigration and emigration, and also unfortunately slavery sickle cell anemia is now found through out the world where ever you find populations of black people. Interesting isn't it. It was once an advantage to have this illness, but now a great disadvantage.

We Stayed Home

This is her this morning. Notice the swelling in the "good eye".

The swelling has creeped over into her other eye now. I fear she will wake from her nap with both eyes swelled shut. I actually want it to start oozing so that the swelling goes down. She is also actually a little grouchy today. The first I have seen a mood change since this all began. Her toddling is real off balance too. Suffice to say..she is a mess.

You Should See the Other Guy

This is her yesterday afternoon.


This is her this morning.


This is her tonight.


..I wish the other guy looked as bad as Tuki does. So this morning her face was all swelled up from the mosquito bite. I took her to daycare and then called the Dr's and made an appointment for this afternoon. Before I left school my daycare provider called to tell me that her eye was now completely swollen shut....remember she also has another oozing bug bite behind her right ear.

So we see the Dr., and guess what...there is NOTHING..NOTHING that can be done for her reactions..no miracle drug to prevent the swelling and then eventually oozing. No she is just a kid that happens to have SEVERE reactions to bug bites because of her age and thin skin. He thinks she should grow out of it by the time she is around 3 when kid's skin starts thickening up......I guess I have to keep her sprayed 24/7 when outside..because remember I live next to a mosquito nursery. My water table is 1/2 to 1 1/2 feet below ground level. It doesn't take much to cause standing water..incubators for mosquito nymphs. Of all my worries prior to her coming home, for some reason this just wasn't on my radar....

I was also surprised by my reaction to when I saw her swollen eye. First I smiled a little and then I welled up with tears. I felt so bad for her, and my gosh I have never felt this depth of love for anyone or anything before. Just that feeling alone wore me out. It is so hard to grow and become a better person that lives and breathes based on the happiness of a little Tuki....

By the way she was also 27 1/4 lbs (90%) and 33 1/4 inches (100%) at 17 mos. and 1 week. Does that make her too heavy????? Should I worry about this too??? Can you tell I am a first time Mom??? I am going to ask about changing her from whole milk to 2% at her 18 month appointment. She loves her milk!!!!!

You know I usually am so much more rational than I have been the last few weeks..maybe I am entering menopause, or maybe God is healing me from my frozen state and I am feeling more emotions than I have in a VERY LLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG time.