Desires

Our new wheels

I had a conversation with an old acquaintance earlier in the week. She was telling how she was competing in the local triathlon, and wanted to enter into the Amazing race etc., I listened to her and was interested because just a few short years ago I had done many of these same things when I was her age..the upper 30's. I did them then because I am always up for a challenge and since I was not busy being a mother or wife these were good activities to become involved in between my travels, home building, and gardening.

This friend of mine is also not married nor does she have children. I couldn't help but listen to her with a heavy heart. No, I didn't know for sure why she was active in these type of sports, because when I had been, I remember encouraging her to get involved, but she had no interest, yet now she was full thrust into it all. What I do know, is that being married and becoming a mom are two of her dreams she longs to be fulfilled.

I guess my heavy heart was me relating her situation to why I had done them, Yes, it was fun, yes I was actually competitive, but I always knew it was "fillers" for me while I waited to obtain my dream of "some day" of becoming a mom. I didn't always have this dream, or least so intensely, but as I grew older, I felt my time was running out and I still wanted to be a mother along with all the career and travel goals I had accomplished. And yes, I had hoped I'd marry, especially the man I had been "seeing" at the time, but he wasn't what he proclaimed to be and failed to fulfill his promises and so I gave up hope of ever fulfilling the marriage dream, or I should say, at least with him.

But I realized another thing in listening to her, and that was the dawning that for right now, I am content in "just being" with my daughter. Enjoying each and every discovery, milestone, conversation, smile, and walk or run with her. I enjoy spending time with my daughter. It is not a chore, I do not feel like I need a "night out" break. I look forward to our relaxing evenings jaunting around the neighborhood, and yes someday when she is older, we will broaden our jaunts further and further away. My life has become richer and deeper since she entered it. I don't desire the "fillers" anymore.

p.s. Now that I am feeling a tiny bit better I will attempt to get some pictures this weekend.