Tuki Turns 20 Months

When does a parent quit tracking the age of their children by months?? I sure don't know, but it's hard to believe how much she has grown.

In honor of Tuki, I have copied a story my friend had sent me. What touched me the most was this is a trans-species adoption story. There was a need and a tortoise, supposedly an animal with a less advanced nervous system, thereby less ability to problem solve, learn, have compassion and kindness, just stepped up to meet the need of a baby hippo. No thinking, no thoughts of can it handle being a hippo in a tortoise world, nothing. I learn alot from watching my natural world around me and I can't help but think that we humans sure make things complicated sometimes. We way over think, analyze, and talk about things,and when I say we, I am most definitely talking about me too. Adoption, caring for another who is in need is obviously VERY natural.


NAIROBI (AFP) - A baby hippopotamus that survived the

tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong

bond with a giant male century-old tortoise in an animal

facility in the port city of Mombassa, officials said

The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about

300 kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down Sabaki

River into the Indian Ocean , then forced back to shore

when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on

December 26, before wildlife rangers rescued him.

"It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a

male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to

be very happy with being a 'mother'," ecologist Paula Kahumbu,

who is in charge of Lafarge Park , told AFP.

"After it was swept away and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized.

It had to look for something to be a surrogate mother

Fortunately , it landed on the tortoise and established a strong bond.

They swim, eat and sleep together," the ecologist added.

"The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it followed its mother.

If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive,

as if protecting its biological mother," Kahumbu added.

"The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and

by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their

mothers for four years," he explained.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,

but by the moments that take our breath away."

This is a real story that shows that our differences don't matter

much when we need the comfort of another.

We could all learn a lesson from these two creatures of God,

"Look beyond the differences and find a way to walk the path together."


"Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves."

Goldfinch in the Thistle Stalk

Rough day today, Tuks is sick with a cold and she had a sleepless night, so that means I had a sleepless night. Besides a doctor run, we stayed home all day.


Goldfinch joyfully eating on my thistle in the backyard. Watching this finch feed so vigorously made my day. It gave me reassurance that yes, my ideas may be crazy, but sometimes they sure bring joy to others.










Her facial expression says it all!!



















Tuks with her doggy buds, visiting in their outdoor pen.

Sprinkles - take two

More information on Sprinkles:

http://www.sghi.org/

Sprinkles....

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/07/070726131327.htm

sorry I can't get to link, but it may a way we can help.....

Luckiest Person in the World

Too cool for her own good..............

Tonight while Tuki and I were swinging together and I was humming "Green sleeves",or also known as the "Elsa, the Lion" song, and she had her head nestled into my chest, I couldn't help but think that I am the luckiest person in the world. Earlier this spring I was trying so desperately in attempting to keep up with the weeds in my perennial beds, but then when I returned home from our vacation, I realized that I did not want my time consumed with weeding, and having to constantly tell Tuki, "not now" for playing because I was working. So I gave up again, for the second year in a row on the weeds, and I am totally OK with it. I may even mow the gardens over in a year or two if I feel like it is too much pressure.

I have wanted to be a mother for so long, and now I am, and I want to create long lasting memories in which she will say "my mom and I did....." with fondness. Sometime next year Panda will be home, and then Tuki will need to learn to share me, so I also want this year to be our quality time year. Just her and me doing as many things together as we can. Not only have I become use to the slower pace of a 20 month old, but I actually enjoy it. She will remember our time together, but I doubt that the gardens will mean much to her.

I was asked by a fellow blogger if I think Tuki will like an older sister. That is a great question because as we have been jet setting about town, we have run into many kids of all ages, and I have noticed that she tends to migrate towards older girls, so over time I have become more convinced that yes, she will enjoy an older sister, but no doubt will struggle with the sharing after she realizes that "this kid" is here to stay....

as a side note, I will concentrate only on vegetable gardening for a few years, until the kids are to the age where they don't/won't want so much time with me, but until then bye bye gardens.........except gourds of course

Life in Haiti

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/spl/hi/picture_gallery/07/americas_haitian_sports_school/html/1.stm

Today....

at a lake located 40 minutes east of us.
I am not much of a swimmer, but I have decided that I will not let my lack of enthusiasm for it influence Tuki. Therefore, since I had bought a bunch of swimmeret diapers, I have committed to using all before the summer is out..Remember I am frugal. Anyway there are six more diapers left, not counting the 3 we need for the rest of her swim lessons.


My favorite photo..she is so lost in her thoughts


Playing in the sand. She is not sure if she likes how it sticks to her. I have discovered she does not like things that cling to her skin.


Notice the guy in the background? I happen to know he is single, and he was at the lake with his nephews, and he knew me and came up and said, "you're .... aren't you? I remember seeing you around school." But, before he came and talked to me, I had already noticed him, not because I knew him but I couldn't help but notice his BODY.... I know naughty of me. The picture of Tuks is good too. Oh, by the way, I found out later that he was in the picture...yeah..really!!








What's in the pail??




















She doesn't go anywhere without her duckie..........

Where Do I Fit a Full Time Job?

Oh, I'm having so much fun playing with all these new toys!!!



















Tuki hanging with A


Tuki hanging with M.













My days are speeding by quicker than a blink of an eye. I'm not sure where it all goes, but it is full and I can't help but wonder how do I fit a full time job in amongst my already busy day. Yes, I know the answer, less Tuki time, and that is the saddest part of it all.

Monday afternoon we go to swim lessons and then other afternoons are filled with picnics, fairs, dog shows (coming up), bike rides and playground fun. This morning, we had an enjoyable play date with 4 other local girls and their mothers, and then this afternoon we went to the local park. Blissful days and they are quickly coming to an end...I just hope this school year will go by as quickly as the summer, and then before you/I know it Panda will be home and partake in all this lazy..oh I mean busy summer days..........

so that we might have HOPE....

Tuks sliding down...down.... down.....


Tuks and me at the end of one of those 30'+ inflatable slides. She never cried once, (she went down at least 10 times, I finally had to say "last one") because she trusts me to take care of her. No fear, the way I need to trust God, no fear and to know he will care for me/us.





This is the name of the series my pastor is talking about. He is covering the book of Genesis and Exodus. It has really been ministering to me because it reminds to have faith in God's promises, even though I may not always see or experience them, they are still true. I have had a very winding relationship with God. I would say at one time I was quite "on fire' as the saying goes, but then I have had my faith ship wrecked too because I had my eye on fellow "so called Christians". I say that because I feel that at times people who know the promises of God will sin knowing God will forgive. JMHO, since I have have met people like that. But, also there was a period of time when I was walking deeply in sin...It was when my faith had been ship wrecked and quite frankly, I felt "what the heck, what difference will it make". Now I know better.

I have been attending church since Tuki came home, so just over 1 year. Before that I had quit attending for 4 years. I promised God that when she came home I would be back in the door, and I was within 1 month of her arrival. I know not my place to make promises to God, but remember I was struggling with God on many levels at the time. The reason I started attending again was because the church I go to has many families that have/do adopt internationally and trans-racially. Just this morning in the bulletin there was an announcement of a family that came home with a daughter from Guatemala.

Anyway...this attendance was for her, so I thought, but God, being God has really been healing me and my heart. I am once again feeling hope.....and I am once again leaning on his strength and not on mine....

Nothing!!!!!!!!

the exact words Cornelius, the gold digger on Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer, said whenever he threw his pick axe up, and it came back empty..........

That is the way I feel...6 weeks (as of today) in First Legal, and nothing, no word as to when my paperwork will move on to IBSER...the next step......

Our Local Fair

This afternoon we went to our local county fair. I have never been to this particular fair before. It is small, but just the right size for Tuki and her age. She went on 4 rides, walked through the animal barns twice, she loved the cows the best. I of course loved the chickens best. If we lived in the country I would have bantam chickens, just like I did when I was growing up. We also ate fried cheese curds and had a malted milk shake. I wanted her to taste real "fair food".

She loved the day. We were informed that she is the youngest to have ever gone on the "motorcycle go around", and she went on it three times. Laughing and smiling and honking the horn, as she went round and round.

She was also fascinated by the tractors and plows. I think I may have a farm kid. I knew several people at the fair from FFA, Future Farmers of America, and the leaders told me that they haven't seen a child her age be so fearless with animals before. With my assistance she would walk up to the calves, and heifers lying down and pet their flanks, attempt to pet the turkeys, rabbits (I didn't let her get close to the rabbits teeth), goats and sheep. It was fun to watch because it brought back many wonderful childhood memories.

The only problem is that I forgot to bring the camera........oh well remember my earlier post on forgetting...enough said.

Evaluation Dates

Tuki's three appointments are as follows:
July 26th, 9:00am Hearing Test
July 31st, 3:00pm Speech and Language Evaluation
August 7th, 3:00pm Teacher Evaluation

I have written them down here so that I remember as the days approach. The thing I notice the most during summer vacation is that my brain shuts off. Since I don't have to remember so many things, I don't. But of course the flip side is I remember nothing................ This I can live with ...for awhile anyway...

Tomorrow it is 6 weeks since our paperwork went into First Legal. I guess we are going long in this part, since I have not heard otherwise.....patience and waiting..NOT my two best virtues. But, I have been seeking God, alot lately..in his will be done, and if my heart does not line up with his will, then I ask he changes it, and if he asks me to do something , then help me trust him enough to believe he WILL see me (us) through it..

Confession - I am a Worrier

I would have never thought that about myself until I became a parent...but maybe the truth is I am just REALLY good at denying stress that I am feeling...this is where I am learning, slowly, to let things I can't change over to God.

Well yesterday was just an interview with me. So I guess now I wait for the actual evaluation of Tuki. We may even do a hearing test, just because it is available. I know if I was just patient, she will explode in her language, but I find, surprise to me, that I worry at each of her milestones. But, in my argument she has been at the high end of the averages for each. Of course adding to my anxiety. She crawled at 10 1/2 months, walked at 15 1/2 months, so why would I think she would start talking early. She probably speaks between 20 - 25 words, inconsistently. She is just now exploring with running and she is almost 20 months. She will take a digger now and then because her toes trip her up.

Yet, at the same time her fine motor skills and comprehension of what I tell her is amazing. In the morning I ask her to bring me my running shoes (she likes to help me), and she brings me the correct shoes. She will also get her sippy out of the refrigerator and then close the door, open the door to the vacuum when I tell I am vacuuming, attempt to pull it out (too heavy), but then pull out the head of the vacuum and close the door. I can ask her to do a two to three step action and she follows through really well. She likes to put things together and take them apart. She can spend 30 mins. or more doing something like that.

She learned "time out" for hitting real quickly!! I say let's change your diaper, let's put on your pj's and up the stairs she heads...She is also starting to sing her "ABC's"

So I guess I am just a worrier..mainly is there something more I should be doing to help her along. Anyway...enough rambling..

As for an update on Hawk, another family has been approved to go ahead and add him to their family along with an older sister, also at the orphanage. YEAH. God certainly has his hand on that little boy.

Birth to 3 evaluation today

I have started a work out blog...listed on the side, and I have called it run for fun over 40. If you are in the same boat as me, maybe you may be interested in reading it. If not, then it is just a place I will record my work outs and eating habits on-line....

Today, at 3:00 pm, I am having Tuki evaluated from the Birth to 3 group. It is free and I felt since it won't hurt anything, why not. They will be able to tell me if she is on target developmentally. Sometimes I think she is behind in her language development, but then again I don't really know. I read other people's blog with kids with in a month or two either way of Tuki, and they mention the words the kids are speaking. I really don't know what it looks like, so I fear Tuki is behind. She does say more and more words daily, yet not real clear..but her comprehension of what I say is amazing!!!. So, anyway I'll let you know what I find out..........

I'm Losing it!!!!!!!!

That is weight of course..........

After we returned from out trip south, I have been running and biking nearly every day. I accumulate between 10 - 13 miles each day with the combo of the two work-outs. This morning I decided to bike to and from the Y, and then run, while Tuks joins in the children's fun room. We'll be biking again this afternoon to a playground.

Well my big surprise was.. when I stepped onto the scale..I have lost weight and I am toning up. No matter what I have tried, I have not been able to get in shape within the last 5 years.. Why you may ask.. well 2 things happened.

1. I turned 40, and only if you have turned 40, can you understand when I say..your body changes..quickly and down hill fast. The best way to describe it is..that your body starts aging at an accelerated rate. What ever you did prior to 40 to stay fit..DOES NOT.. hear me..DOES NOT work after 40.

2. The year I turned 40 was also the year I blew out the ACL, MCL and meniscus in my left knee. So that meant I didn't attempt to work out, per doctor's orders, for at least 7 months, while turning 40!!!!!!!

Ever since I have: dieted, (never has worked for me), exercised, but never to the same intensity as prior to SX, because my body for various reasons couldn't handle it. Not exercised, for 9+ months and then hit it hard hoping to stress the h*** out of my body, thereby losing the weight. It did work for a period of time, but then I started growing my family through adoption.........

which equals STRESSFUL, EMOTIONAL EATING.. you may know what I mean.
so the weight came back on..

Now this year, for whatever reason, I am pounding it after an exercise break, I am asking more from my body daily in regards to miles and an increased pace. And for whatever reason, this year, my body is responding with more strength, not tired and so far no injuries....I'm not sure why, but I'll take it.........

so for now I can happily say;
I LIKE losing it!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are Proud!!

MY NEPHEW!!! Not only a great runner, but a great person as well!! His parents my brother, and his ex-wife S did a GREAT job raising C and their daughter M. In addition to many other admirable qualities, Both kids know how to work hard for what they want, as well as being kind and considerate to others.

July 16th, 2007
S Runs Great 3000m in Sheffield; 8th Fastest American

C S ran 7:36.90 - a 15-second PR - on a cold, rainy night in Sheffield, UK. His time, the 8th fastest ever by an American, was good for third place behind Kenenisa Bekele and Craig Mottram at the Norwich Union Grand Prix meeting. "I didn't have a particular time in mind coming into the race," S said afterwards. "I just wanted to be competitive and run faster than my PR." As the youngest athlete in the field, he ran with poise despite a pace much faster than any he's ever carried in a 3000m race. "I think the fastest I've ever come through the mile is 4:11. Tonight I was 4:03 and felt comfortable."

After the brisk first mile, the pack splintered into two groups; S hung onto the back of the front pack. At 2K the pacesetter veered off, and at the same moment Bekele made his move, quickly gapping the pack by 20 meters. S continued to work his way up, moving into third place with 500 meters to go. It appeared that he was closing on Mottram, but with 250 meters to go, Mottram looked back and dug down for another gear. "Man, in retrospect I wish I had gone a little earlier," he said back at the hotel. "I don't know if I could have caught him, but there's definitely more there."

C's next race will be a 5000m in Heusden on July 28th. He'll be joined by teammates Simon Bairu and Tim Nelson; Matt Tegenkamp will be racing the 1500m at the same meet.

Check out his interview below:
http://www.blip.tv/file/304943/

FLOWER POWER

It's HIS, Not Mine!!

I am just the channel he uses to do his work.............

I have heard it over and over in church for many years...but this morning I actually got it!!!!

I, like most people, most parents, most single parents, fret over money, paying bills, providing care and enjoyment to my children and fur babies..........

and I went to church this morning with it on my mind..........,

but then in the pastor's prayer he said "it is HIS"...and I received it in a very different way than I have ever before... A HUGE weight lifted from my shoulders, I cried and knew, I mean really knew, he is on the throne, he always has and he always will take care of me and my family...I just need to let go and lay it at his feet...........

Praise you Lord, for being so good to stubborn me!!!

High Aspirations!!!!!!!!!!!

Panda sleeping....and I am dreaming of high aspirations!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm having a rough time blogging this week. I guess we are too busy just hanging out. We have developed a good routine for the day even though it seems to be low key. The morning we work out and hang out at the Y. Tuk loves to play with the other kids and she has turned into quite the welcome wagon. She says "hi" to everyone that walks into the room. It creates laughter in all the adults present so I think it encourages her to keep going with it. After we are home, she naps, (I work on my two classes) and then the afternoon usually involves some sort of romp around the neighborhood ending in a playground that has swings and slides.

Yesterday I made chicken/egg salad sandwich that was a hit for Tuki and me. The salad consisted of two chicken breasts cooked, two hard boiled eggs, miracle whip, diced onions, salt and pepper and prepared mustard. I usually just throw in seasonings and such and then do a taste test. I'm not great at following recipes...
I then served it with raw carrots, garden grown lettuce served on whole wheat bread. We both ate it all with delight. It was a quiet meal.

I think I found a way that I can make money for a third child. My sister talked to me last night and I have been pondering it all day. It has met the five criteria that are VERY important to me.

1. It does NOT harm the environment.
2. No Animals, wild or domestic, were used or harmed in any way.
3. It is healthy for the environment and human beings.
4. I can use it daily and it is effective.

The fifth criteria, is coming slowly and I'm letting it simmer (making sure it is all true and real) before I share. But the fifth requirement is that:

5. I really have to believe in it and be passionate about it.

There has been many opportunities I have let pass because all 5 areas were not met. I'm kind of excited about this. It could also possibly mean staying at home part time to be with my kids. It all depends on how much I want to get involved with it. Before I was a Mom, I never would have felt that was important. But, I LOVE being a Mom, and my only regret is not being able to spend more time with Tuki and then eventually Panda, and hopefully one more.........

I know, high aspirations........one can dream, pursue and then accomplish.... this is after all what America was founded on...wasn't it?????????

The answer is MARIGOLD..but what was the question?

Taken by another visiting adoptive parent.

Many subjects and thoughts have been whirling around in my mind about what I'd like to blog about. It usually happens during my morning run. Oh yeah, I started running again after a 3 month hiatus. I figured it's time since cross country season is right around the corner. The problem with the thoughts is that I usually forget them by the time we arrive home. Speaking of forgetting things... it took me 3 days to remember the word marigold for the flower. I would look at it and say, now what is the name of that flower again. It finally came to me while I was falling asleep one night. Scary!!!!!!!!

What I'd like to talk about is Panda. I'd like to talk honestly from my heart. If you struggle with my words, I apologize, but just remember I am growing and I will become a better person with each passing day, because my kids are counting on it.

When I went to three countries in Africa 7 years ago, like I had mentioned in an earlier post, I traveled with 14 other people. What struck me on that trip is that I never felt white among all the native Africans. I remember wondering why I didn't feel similar to what I have heard black people say they feel in America. I never did figure that out. I have also been to Guatemala twice and Mexico once. Again I never felt white. Was it that I was so accustomed to being the majority that I never questioned my stance? I don't really know....

But, what I do know is that when I went to Haiti, I went alone. The first time I have traveled alone to another country in which I was the minority. I felt WHITE. On the plane to, in the country, and the plane ride back, I was the minority. Plus I didn't speak the language. So I had a hard time communicating with others. We did manage, but I really, no we (meaning whom ever I was talking to) had to work at it.

What struck me when I met Hawk and then Panda, was that in Haiti, they blended in. One among many. In America, especially where I live, Panda will stand out. She will be noticed strictly based on the color of her skin because our black population in our town is around 1.5%. She will be stared at and we as a family will be stared at. I admit I will struggle with this for awhile and probably even become angry at times. Among all the other emotions surging through me in Haiti, that was one I was and still am wrestling with.

My doctor that I have been seeing for 17 years, was originally born in Jamaica. He has married a Caucasian woman and they had two children. I had both in my classroom. During my physical for Panda's adoption, I asked him how much racism he and his family felt in our town. He said it is there all the time. He assured me angry feelings will be the norm for quite some time. He also said I need to teach my kids to be proud in who they are, what they look like and teach them to realize that they are more than the image that other people want to place on them. Teach them to be stronger than the words and actions hurled at them. Good suggestions, now how do I do that..I hope it will come to me as the situation arises.

It is a big, scary and unworn path for me. I have been working at it already, but I have a feeling that the path as a parent will have many unforeseen twists and turns. I know God will equip me to parent my children, I just pray that I listen real closely to what he is saying.

Even now I find myself crying over different situations that I feel I handled poorly with Tuki, and we're not even dealing with any big stuff yet. It is times like these that I really miss my parents. They could and would give me and my children suggestions and support.

Fun in the Sun-but be warned!!

For three days in a row, Tuki has gone swimming. Two at the swim park with her cousins M & N, and once at the river while canoeing. She loves the spray spouts. I think she could have spent, actually I think she did spend most of time playing with them.

But in addition to all the fun I have a warning for all parents. I am sure we all have heard about the dangers of drowning for little ones. Well Tuki could have been a statistic, but Thank God it didn't happen. Tuks and her cousin N were playing in 1'6" water about 5' away from me, cousin M and Aunt M. Well, Tuki lost her footing, and she fell face forward into the water. Her head bobbed down once, then back up, yet her face never broke the water surface, at this point I am on my way to her, then her head bobbed down and again up..not breaking surface, then down again..the third time her head bobbed up, I had grabbed her and pulled her out. This whole thing maybe lasted 1- 2 seconds, but I will tell you time slowed down to almost quitting while it was occurring. It was easy to see how toddlers drown. They are so top heavy, that once they lose their footing, they are never able to pull their face out of the water.

She was no worse for the wear after this episode, but I was shook to my core therefore,

Needless to say, there is now a rule in our household:
Life jacket on until she learns to swim.

Two Peas in a Pod

For the last few days Tuki has figured out that if she walks around dragging a string or throwing it at sMurph, he will start following her in an attempt to get the string. This morning's romp began with Tuki pulling sMurph's tail. Then it was off and running. They are two peas in a pod. sMurph is actually only a few months older than Tuki. I got him when he was 5 months old and a total wild man. Hissed, bit and scratched, but over time, while I was waiting for Tuki's adoption to finalize I tamed him down. He and Tuks are best buds, and it makes me so glad I had gotten him for her. I just wish visitors could witness their relationship, but it will never happen because sMurph is terrified of everyone but us and the dogs.
They are playing in, out and on top of Tuki's "tent"

Summer Vacation

Splashing is just the best!!





E, Tuki and Duckie


The elephant


Tuki mesmerized by the elephant


Did I happen to mention that we are on summer vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!

The last few days have been jammed packed. Circus on Monday, (the things we will do for our kids!!, otherwise you would not catch me dead at a circus,) quiet Tuesday, Family gathering on the 4th, now today my friend E and I took Tuki canoeing..mind you only for 1 hour, and that was all she could handle at this age. Tomorrow we will go to a swim park with her cousin and my sister.

Haiti-Beauty among Thorns

Enjoy your Independence day!!!!
Not all nations have the freedoms that we take for granted..................

Haiti-Port au Prince



















In 2000, I traveled for nearly 1 month along with 14 others between the countries of Uganda, Ghana and Ethiopia of Africa. It was a bittersweet time. Haiti was a similar experience for me. I could easily see the influence of western Africa in Haiti*. The airport set-up at arrival, the architecture of the buildings and streets, the armed guards at the hotel gate, the heat, humidity, the friendliness and love of the people, the smiles among suffering. It all felt familiar. I felt comfortable the whole trip. The only part that I was a little shell-shocked at was the orphanage. Not because there was anything wrong, it was just that I have never been to one before. It was hard to see so many children with such big hearts without homes. I guess I kept imagining Tuki there and it was hard for me to process.

Because of this and how quickly time went, I wasn't able to accomplish all I wanted and had promised to other adoptive parents. In addition, time in Haiti is slow. What we may plan to do in an hour, it will take several hours there. It is just their way of life and it is important to "morph" into other countries lifestyle while visiting. We are the visitors and as Americans I feel it is important to respect other counties customs by following them while there, and not try and change them.

*The current Haitian population are descendants of western Africans shipped to the island of Haiti during the time of slavery. Haiti was the first country that became a free nation from the bondage of slavery.

Even further South-Haiti-part 2

So the story continues................

Later that night, after dinner, I, A, and her 19 month old Haitian daughter K went to Marie's. We had little time because we were given strict instructions to not be out and about after dark. Shortly after we arrived, Marie brought 3 girls in by us, 2 were sisters and one was a single girl, but I found out later that she had a brother that was to be adopted with her. But I never did meet him. Lastly they brought Panda in the room we were sitting in. She had been on the website and I had noticed her many times and wondered about her. But for some reason, I was under the impression that a family had committed to her. Marie assured me that she still did not have a family.

I guess, according to A, I lit up as soon as I saw her. She said I was instant smiles and just stayed that way the whole time, which was short, that I was with her that evening. It started to get dark, so on the way out I asked Marie if I could come over the next day, and spend some alone time with Panda at Walls. She said yes. I had trouble sleeping that night because I was so excited!!!

The next morning couldn't come quick enough. I was excited and frankly a little nervous. Here was a girl several years older than I had expected and some one who already had a "set" personality (for lack of better words).

After breakfast, I went and picked her up, and we just hung out around Walls together or with the other three kids already there with their parents. About 3 hours after we were together Panda started repeating something over and over, and she started to appear sick. I asked for interpretation from some of the staff, but they did not know what she was saying either. I could tell it was very important to her since she kept repeating it. I offered her snacks, water and then eventually I held her while she slept. She was sleeping on my lap on my bed. She stayed that way for over an hour, but then when I tried to move her onto the bed she awoke, repeating the same thing and now holding her stomach. So I figured she had a stomach ache.

I took her back to Marie's and told Marie that I felt she had a stomach ache and she wanted to come back. Marie talked with her and yes indeed she did, I guess due to
the parasites. They will, of course, be treated once she comes home. Marie said she would give her some medicine, and then put her down for a nap. We made arrangements for me to come back after dinner to see her lab work and spend more time with the kids.

When I came back later, I didn't bring my camera this time because I just wanted to enjoy the kids rather than worry about pictures and just played football (My body was craving movement) with several boys and two girls while Panda continued to hold the stuffed Panda bear that I had given her. She sat on the steps watching, still not feeling totally well, and so periodically I would run over and give her kisses and hugs and she would just beam her beautiful smile. She had this look on her face like "that's my momma you're playing with" I also left a photo album with pictures of our family so that she can see them while we are waiting for the completion of her adoption, and a blanket with my scent on it that I had slept with for over 6 months.

This was my last full day in Haiti. Panda and I had really only spent about a total of 4 hours together. But I rationalized that will have to be OK, and hopefully it will make the wait easier with us not being SO attached to each other. It was a lie..I already feel that a member of our family is absent and I want her to come home as soon as possible. In those four hours I could tell she communicated her likes and dislikes very effectively. She is a strong minded girl that is full of life and a strong desire to survive. Yet, she didn't seem to have the need to prove herself. It was like she was confident in allowing her true nature to show forth. I like that about her.

Also, I still agonize in my heart about Hawk. Did I turn my back on him in his time of need or did I make a best choice for our family and hopefully for his life.....

I guess I'll never really know.

Calling ALL Prayer Warriors

Hawk at 8 months


Hawk at 15 months

It is like time stood still or maybe even had gone backwards in those 7 months between the photos.


I hesitated to post these pictures of Hawk, BUT I felt that they may encourage all prayer warriors to pray for him and his recovery so that he may become healthy and his situation is improved..in whatever way God has planned for him.

Favorite Photos of the Trip

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS and SIL D !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will attempt to finish the trip story in the next day or so. I am still trying to get Tuki back on her sleep schedule........


Me and Tuki, Cousin E, Uncle J and Aunt D at the Saltgrass restaurant in Houston.


Panda initiated this on her own. I knew we'd be OK, once she laid her head in my lap.


Cousin E and Tuki enjoying their time together.