Even further South-Haiti-part 2

So the story continues................

Later that night, after dinner, I, A, and her 19 month old Haitian daughter K went to Marie's. We had little time because we were given strict instructions to not be out and about after dark. Shortly after we arrived, Marie brought 3 girls in by us, 2 were sisters and one was a single girl, but I found out later that she had a brother that was to be adopted with her. But I never did meet him. Lastly they brought Panda in the room we were sitting in. She had been on the website and I had noticed her many times and wondered about her. But for some reason, I was under the impression that a family had committed to her. Marie assured me that she still did not have a family.

I guess, according to A, I lit up as soon as I saw her. She said I was instant smiles and just stayed that way the whole time, which was short, that I was with her that evening. It started to get dark, so on the way out I asked Marie if I could come over the next day, and spend some alone time with Panda at Walls. She said yes. I had trouble sleeping that night because I was so excited!!!

The next morning couldn't come quick enough. I was excited and frankly a little nervous. Here was a girl several years older than I had expected and some one who already had a "set" personality (for lack of better words).

After breakfast, I went and picked her up, and we just hung out around Walls together or with the other three kids already there with their parents. About 3 hours after we were together Panda started repeating something over and over, and she started to appear sick. I asked for interpretation from some of the staff, but they did not know what she was saying either. I could tell it was very important to her since she kept repeating it. I offered her snacks, water and then eventually I held her while she slept. She was sleeping on my lap on my bed. She stayed that way for over an hour, but then when I tried to move her onto the bed she awoke, repeating the same thing and now holding her stomach. So I figured she had a stomach ache.

I took her back to Marie's and told Marie that I felt she had a stomach ache and she wanted to come back. Marie talked with her and yes indeed she did, I guess due to
the parasites. They will, of course, be treated once she comes home. Marie said she would give her some medicine, and then put her down for a nap. We made arrangements for me to come back after dinner to see her lab work and spend more time with the kids.

When I came back later, I didn't bring my camera this time because I just wanted to enjoy the kids rather than worry about pictures and just played football (My body was craving movement) with several boys and two girls while Panda continued to hold the stuffed Panda bear that I had given her. She sat on the steps watching, still not feeling totally well, and so periodically I would run over and give her kisses and hugs and she would just beam her beautiful smile. She had this look on her face like "that's my momma you're playing with" I also left a photo album with pictures of our family so that she can see them while we are waiting for the completion of her adoption, and a blanket with my scent on it that I had slept with for over 6 months.

This was my last full day in Haiti. Panda and I had really only spent about a total of 4 hours together. But I rationalized that will have to be OK, and hopefully it will make the wait easier with us not being SO attached to each other. It was a lie..I already feel that a member of our family is absent and I want her to come home as soon as possible. In those four hours I could tell she communicated her likes and dislikes very effectively. She is a strong minded girl that is full of life and a strong desire to survive. Yet, she didn't seem to have the need to prove herself. It was like she was confident in allowing her true nature to show forth. I like that about her.

Also, I still agonize in my heart about Hawk. Did I turn my back on him in his time of need or did I make a best choice for our family and hopefully for his life.....

I guess I'll never really know.