The Summer of my Phoebe

He's back, that is my Eastern Phoebe, or more correctly a descendant of my Phoebe. I think it is a male because male birds species tend to return to the breeding grounds first, to set up territories. Then a week or so later the female arrives to a male that is singing and displaying his heart out. She picks who she wants to mate with, and which territory that suits her and she spends her summers rearing young. The Phoebe is a flycather, a very unassuming little bird that is easily missed if it wasn't for its call; FEE BEE , FEE BEE. I love the call for it's simple beauty and grateful for how it touched my soul over twelve years ago.

I added a picture of the bird, it's nest and range for those interested.

I had mentioned in an earlier post that I had founded, and operated a non-profit wildlife and rehabilitation center. It had occupied my whole life. I felt it was my metaphorical baby. I conceived it in my mind, I labored it into existence, and then for the next five years I watched it go through complete dependency on me, to crawling to finally up and walking and even running at times. It was starting to feed itself well, when a overly egoistically man decided he wanted to claim all responsibility for its existence. To make a long story short, he managed to take it away from me and the volunteers. (By the way he ran it into the ground 2 years later, it doesn't exist anymore) At the time, it was very devastating to me. I felt I had lost my baby and I did. Plus then enter in the fact that I lost my dad 1-1/2 years before this and he was my last surviving parent, and I hadn't really dealt with the grief of his loss.

Needless to say, I entered a real depressed time and I wasn't sure where to go next in my life. I remember being outside that summer, I felt numb, like nothing could reach me, I was there but not really because I couldn't feel any of the natural elements. That was extremely unusual for me because I tend to key into nature and its beauty. Then....in my numb abyss, I heard it...FEE BEE, FEE BEE, over and over, and there she was. She had set up her nest right on the door frame of the side door of my garage. It was like a message from God, saying all will be OK. She managed to raise two clutches that year and I was able to watch them grow and fledge. I called that year: The Summer of my Phoebe. I still had many hard years ahead of me, some due to poor choices that I made during my pain, but that call was the start of my healing. I remember like it was yesterday. Thus the name of my blog.

I actually told a co-worker today that I am the happier now than I have been in the last twelve years, with being a Mom, waiting for my second child, and loving my life, family and friends.

I do not have any new news on Hawk, but I am going to attempt to email the orphanage director tonight for an update.

Tuki is entering into a very fun and yet frustrating phase. She is so much more aware of her surroundings, routines, understanding language and yet because of this she gets frustrated sometimes because she does not always get what she wants. This morning when we were leaving for work, she jumped right up, starting walking toward the chair I always put her on to put her coat, shoes etc., on. She leaned against it, so then I placed her onto the chair, I put her coat on and then she grabbed her bag, and was walking toward the door ready to leave. This is the first she has done that!!

She says Mama, bye, doggy, yeah, sMurph, and I'm sure she thinks she says more but I don't understand them yet. She talks non-stop now, and understands even more!!

I am trying not to think and talk about Hawk ALL the time like I did during Tuki's adoption, but it is hard, especially with him being only four months younger. I always think "What will it be like when Gabryel is here" "What would he doing right now" etc.,....and I pray that he will have his "Phoebe" experience as he is healing from his malnutrition and he will come home to us.