Happy Birthday Hawk!!!!!!!

Today is my son's 1st birthday. I know he is not legally my son yet, but in my heart he is. It is rather surreal that he is turning 1 years old, fighting for his 2nd year of life, while in a hospital. I wish I was there with him, yet I know it is not even remotely possible at this time.

I look forward to my visit trip, can you tell?, I keep bringing it up, but at the same time I am fearful of the wait AFTER I leave him. You see I have experience with this "waiting". I visited Owl at 2 1/2 months, and I had to wait three and one-half more months before she came home to me permanently. It was the most agonizing
3 1/2 months!!!, but it was ONLY three and one-half months,

with Hawk it will be VERY different....

from the time I visit him, to the estimated time that his adoption will be complete will ELEVEN months!!!!!!!!!!!!..yes, you read that correctly...ELEVEN months or even possibly MORE!!!!. I am so hoping that the time will pass quickly since this time I will have Owl at home with me helping to take my mind off of the WAIT...

What most parents of biological children don't tell you OR they don't even realize because most usually don't have to hand them "back", is that in just a few days of taking care of a child, not only is there an emotional bond that is formed, but also a physical bond. I remember when Owl went back to her foster mom, I would stand and rock back and forth, I would dream that she was snuggling up against me, but to only awake with a pillow nestled in my arms. I could smell hear, hear her, almost touch her but not really...I had to go through physical withdrawal, and it took weeks..but I never stopped longing for her, and then she was there in my arms forever...I can't wait to be able to tell Gabryel's story ..but in the in the past tense..........

Happy Birthday my little angel!!!!!!! Keep fighting, we are waiting for you....