Stuck at a Crossroad

I haven't been able to sleep lately, and then this morning I woke at 4:00am, and couldn't fall back to sleep. What is the problem you ask...well you see my social worker approved me for a total of 2 children in addition to Skylar, who of course is already at home. So I have already committed to Hawk and I have been thinking, and thinking and thinking...I could on and on and I am still undecided as to what to do. Maybe you can help me.

First I have to say, I asked the sw to approve me for two children because I have in my heart and soul this unshakable feeling that we are at least a four person (3 children, 1 adult family). I say at least four because one never knows if Mr. Prince Charming comes along and well you know the rest of the story. Now that I am approved, I am terrified of many things, I'd like to share them and hopefully I will feel better, and maybe you may have a suggestion or two.

Why I am afraid:
1.My friends and family will think I am crazier than they already do.
2.Once the children come home, if I hit a rough patch or two, which of course I will, my friends and family will just say "this was your decision" or "I told you not to do this" (Which they haven't because I haven't told them my thoughts yet because of point #1). Unless of course they read this blog.
3. Can a single parent successfully parent 3 children.
4. The third child will have to be school age, so there is a greater chance of issues, or should I say bigger issues.
5. I hate being afraid, I don't like not doing something because I am afraid, for logical reasons yes, afraid no.
6. Can I stay financially fluid for the next 3 years. I know it will be a piece of cake once the two little ones are out of day care, but that is three more years after Gabe comes home.
7. Working on attachment bonding with two children as well as spending quality time with Tuki.

Why I like the idea of adopting two at this time.
1. I don't want to go through the paperwork and wait process again. I don't like it, and I pushed through this time for Owl (sibling(s)), me, wanting to parent a family, not just one child.
2. I am getting older and I feel it would be easier to go through one big adaption transition with two children and then we will all settle in over time (not sure how long, depends on the kids) and then not go through the initial stages again. New stages, YES, transition stage no.
3. Both children of Haiti will have a connection and feel connected with the other of like color in a town that is not very diverse. The black population is considerably smaller than the Hispanic population in our town, not that it is very big either.
4. Skylar loves, LOVES, other children of all ages.
5. I am irresistibly drawn to a particular six year old girl. Two times other families have considered her. I was happy for her and yet sad for myself in that I wouldn't know her. But then I wasn't having to think so hard about her anymore..a relief, but then both families for their own reasons decided it wasn't the right time, so they decided against it.
6. I have been in prayer about her and I feel that somehow God wants me to step out in faith and he will provide, but then again I have been wrong or misunderstood God's leading in my life in the past..

What to do?????...besides obsess about it!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a clearer note: I am sending in my completed dossier to Steph tomorrow and she told me that Hawk is doing much better. If all goes well, maybe the paperwork will be in Haiti by mid-May and then in IBSER (Haiti's government side of things) sometime in June..