Only in the Midwest

Now I know it is spring, besides the obvious singing of the frogs, the emergence of my chipmunk, the return of the phoebe, and killdeer, robins, sandhill cranes, night migration and serenade of the snow geese, besides all that I was still questioning it. Why you may ask, because of the flurries for the last four days. But the two best tell-tale signs of spring unveiled themselves on Sunday morning and today.

Maybe, just maybe if you noticed the tiny gray marbles of fluff flitting back and forth over your lawn on Sunday morning you may have seen the well camouflaged dark-eyed junco, or should I say juncos.. a whole flock of them. Most likely the males coming through eating a bite on their way up north to establish their breeding grounds for the females, who will be following one week behind. Everywhere I looked, they were there, but I had to look closely, otherwise you wouldn't notice except for the flash of the white outer tail feathers. They stayed for about one hour and then just as quietly as they came, they left........

Today, the final mark of spring, it was snowing , at the same time that the sun was poking it's head through and giving us a blast its beautiful rays..I thought only in spring in the Midwest do you get this......incredible.

I have been reading several of the books that I ordered several weeks ago. The book, I'm Chocolate and You're Vanilla, by Marguerite Wright deals with the way children, particularly black children deal with skin tones and race.

At first, say around three years old kids start noticing the color of skin, but it is just the color that they notice. It has nothing to do with the race of an individual, just their color. All kids, when young if raised in a healthy environment are usually well adjusted, happy, full of life, and think anything is possible.

A quote from the author:

"When skin color or race is frequently discussed in the family, children will learn at a young age that there is some meaning beyond mere color associated with such colors as black and white. Depending on his or her family's attitudes, the child will learn that there are positive or negative connotations to black and white, to dark skin or light skin. Though they may not be able to understand these differences, children do feel them. A child will be able to sense from subtle messages that being lighter or darker is better or worse."

This hit home to me because I have been talking with my neighbor and a friend that love to talk philosophically in front of my daughter about skin color, race, and nationality. I know it is her presence that brings the topic on. Every time they get together with me they somehow need to work into the conversation something about skin tone. I have told them that the conversations needs to stop around her now that she is 16 months old, since she can understand what they are saying. I think I am effective, but then it happens again. I need to get tougher with them or I may need to take different actions.

Just this weekend, I asked my brother's friend if she thinks Tuki is too young for hair conditioning. I said that her hair is so dry and rumbled looking these last few days. She asked...for whatever reason, I don't know because it didn't answer my question, matter of fact it had nothing to do with my question.. "Do you think it is because of her nationality?" I remember scrunching up my face a little (because I was frustrated with that statement) and said "No, it because the air is dry".

According to the author, all these little, incidental conversations and statements will make my children start feeling negatively about themselves simply because they are of a different skin tone, or race. Even though they don't understand race until around six years old, they will know that they are "different" and that there is a value associated with that difference. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She also states that I, as a parent need to find a way to address these situations with a easy going manner, yet assert my right to decline or terminate the conversations. This will help teach my children that they don't have to deal with rude comments. Because no matter how you look at it, they are rude and usually unimportant. Maybe, yes accidental, and uneducated, but still needless and harmful none the less.

I am a scientist, many people I know study, teach, have been taught or think scientifically. Scientist categorize or classify observations based on similarities or differences. So I know it is a pattern of thought for many people, including me. BUT, we forget that there is a person with feelings that is behind the difference or similarity that is being discussed, in this case skin tone, or nationality. So for my children's sake, and all children that may look differently than you, please stop categorizing!!!! at least STOP CATEGORIZING OUT LOUD WITH LOOKS OR WORDS!!!!!!!!!! I know this was not stated in an easy going manner, you see I also have many areas to work on....

And the truth is, when you get to know my daughter, and I mean REALLY know her, and someday my son, none of the philosophical hoopla, and differences mean anything, it will be how we are all alike, and yet unique in our own ways that will leave the lasting impression...............